i'll keep smiling :D

2012-02-16T20:37:00.000+08:00

let me summarise.

i am happy.

haha.

can we stop the world from turning

2012-02-05T20:39:00.001+08:00

it has been ages since i've updated. i know haha. even though i've been on the net for a while... at least 4 out of 7 times a week but i hardly have time to come to blogger. lab reports are pretty much what is occupying my time now..

lately had lost my motivation to study too. been pondering on the question of what is the purpose of my life.. like study so hard.. for what. i really don't know. i realised that this question.... that popped up many years ago.. maybe the time when i started this blog.. till never it has never been answered. only masked by my busy schedules and routined life that i struggle even to breathe. but ... right now.. now that i've slowed down my pace of life especially when that happened to my family. i start to question what exactly am i doing with my life.

hopefully the book 'purpose-driven life' i'm going to borrow from san can help me out. i'm really lost.. tired and i really cannot take the stress of cGPA of the maintanence. the level of competition. its like... war. literally. haha fighting with others in the bell curve. fighting your own hormones. fighting to find your own place in life. i really need some divine intervention here!! haha.

i was tellling hammie kola and mama that i need either someTHING or someONE to motivate me kekex.. the former would be the easier one though i have nothing i want now. oh well. we'll see how it goes. pray and see how it goes. praying.. the only thing that i do the most nowadays. :)

Oh oh oo Oh Oh oo… (3x)
We had the best years of our lives,
But you and I would never be the same,
September took me by surprise,
And I was left to watch the seasons change.

Oh oh oo Oh Oh oo… (3x)
It's been so quiet since you're gone,
And everyday feels more like a year,
Sometimes I wish I could move on,
The memories would all just disappear.
So many things I should've,
Said when I had the chance,
So many times we took it all for granted.

[CHORUS]
I'd never thought this could ever end,
I'd never thought I'd lose my best friend,
Everything is different now,
Can we stop the world from turning?

I'd never thought I'd have to let you go,
I'd Never thought I'd ever feel this low,
I Wish I could go back,
And we'd stop the world from turning.

Oh oh oo Oh Oh oo… (2x)
Looking back on better days,
When we were young,
we thought we knew so much.
And now it seems so far away,
I'm wondering If I was good enough.
So many things I should've,
Said when I had the chance,
So many times we took it all for granted.

[CHORUS]
I'd never thought we would ever end,
I'd never thought I'd lose my best friend,
Everything is different now,
Can we stop the world from turning?

I'd never thought I'd have to let you go,
I'd Never thought I'd ever feel this low,
I Wish I could go back,
And we'd stop the world from turning.

Gone are all the days,
When we swore we'd never change,
And now I'm left here alone.

Oh oh oo Oh Oh oo… (3x)

Oh oh ooo..
Oh oh oo
Oh Oh oo…I'd never thought this would ever end,
Oh oh oo
Oh Oh oo…I'd never thought I'd lose my best friend,
Oh oh oo
Oh Oh oo…Everything is different now,
Oh oh oo
Oh Oh oo…Can we stop the world from turning?

[CHORUS]I
'd never thought this could ever end,
I'd never thought I'd lose my best friend,
Everything is different now,
Can we stop the world from turning?

I'd never thought I'd have to let you go,
I'd Never thought I'd ever feel this low,
I Wish I could go back,
And we'd stop the world from turning.

Oh oh oo Oh Oh oo… (2x)
Oh oh oo ooo.

God bless

=do something right=

Not one heartbeat do I forget

2012-01-21T21:17:00.000+08:00

i think i'm having an emotional break down here.
i really miss both of them.. a lot a lot.
tsf.. i miss those times where we talked about everything. affairs of the heart. we gave each other support. nothing should change.that was the promise we made. nothing should come between us. nothing. not even a guy or youself. but still the inevitable did. its just so sad.. really.. now.. sometimes when i think about the past.. i really miss tsf a lot. i want to rewind back the time. i was thinking if what i did was correct. that i was being honest to her. very honest.. maybe i should have just stalled... till a while more? i don't know. but the consequences would be dire.no? i really don't. i'm not regretting it.. its just so sad.. i don't want this to happen. :( she was like an elder sister, a best friend, a soulmate, the other me. but right now.. i don't know. tsf.. just come back to me :(

i'm not sure if i still have any romantic attachments to the other. but still i miss the friendship. the consolation, the solace.. everything with your company. it isn't the same.. it just isn't.

* * *

during posthumanism lecture Dr Miller mentioned.. where do your principles come from.. i have principles that govern my life. i remember one of them as Don't regret. its source is from my dad. even though i know that i'm still a long way to not regretting some things i did, but this principle is etched deeply into my mind. my dad often say what done is done, that's why we should not regret the choices we made or anything that we have done. yup. the simple gist of it, but the essence is so complex. how does the mind work. do we have a hormone that releases something that causes us to regret?? according to wiki, the orbitofrontal cortex is the one responsible for processing regret. hmm. more research has to be done though. emotions are a really tricky thing to deal with. yup.

Chinese New Year is just 2 days shy. we'll be welcoming the year fo the dragon.. hmmm but does it really matter? which animal year we are born in? or why are we attributing our birthdays to horoscope.. constellations or elements for that matter? maybe there is a deeper meaning behind all these? or are they just pure supersitions? haha well i guess i have to read more to find out.

Falling in love with film adaptations of classics. just done with Emma. thinking about mansfield park. hmm.. i wonder wonder wonder. British actors do have their own charm. haha switching and catching a different wave already aren't i ? haha xp. oh well. but what i don't understand is how come these actors are able to potray such lovely, endearing and vivd emotions in their character, with their undying love for the female protagonist.. professing their love.. and yet when i look up the actors' profiles, they all seem to have divorced at least once. or separated with a child from their former partner?? in the world of the entertainment industry, is love all that shallow? even with the money to get a women pregnant and then just leave her like that? funny how there isn't any news of the children being brought up in a hostile environment and turining into delinquents. but its just sad.. and absurd. i really don't understand how. or why these things happen. i wished they still had the shame that Old England had, during the 1800s or 1900s. oh well. people and times change and they move on. i guess i'm old at heart in a way . traditional me. haha.

God Bless

=do something right=

you are not alone

2012-01-19T21:31:00.005+08:00

suddenly miss him.. cause of everything that's happening.

its good that everything is going fine. smooth. Praise the LORD.
gald to have my friends to be with me during this period. haha.
CNY won't really be celebrating cause of what happened.
hopefully i'll stop falling sick too! how to take care of people when i fall sick haha.
jia you!!

you are not alone!for everything, you have God with you :)

God Bless

=do something right=

2012-01-13T10:59:00.002+08:00

i don"t know what to blog about.
school has been fine. though i'm taking electives alone but its oki .
there's only one thing on my mind right now and i hope everything would go on fine.
God bless

=do something right=

2012-01-11T22:56:00.000+08:00

tmr's the day. am i scared? yes. but i can only hope. pray and have faith that everything will be all right. please be all right.

=do something right=

start of something new

2012-01-08T18:22:00.001+08:00

tmr would be the start of the new semester. maybe its time to make some promises to myself:

0)Trust God
1)CHIONG
2)CHIONG
3)CHIONG
4)Don't fall sick
5)Do the Best you can

some stuff have been happening to my family. though my parents ask me not to worry but come on. how can i not?? i'm about to lose someone!! oh well i guess i need to have faith that everything is going to be all right. Kepp smiling in the next sem clare!! :)

btw, quite surprise that you'd do that.. maybe its the girl that ask you to do so.. but still its so weird. you still don't do what you say do you? oh well..

GOD BLESS!! <3

=do something right=

日有所思，夜有所梦？

2012-01-05T09:56:00.002+08:00

但日无所思，夜还是所求？
我不以为然，我不甘心。
i have no idea why i dreamt of him again. oki, this year it would be the first but still on 5th jan?? isn't it too early?
in the dream.. its too surreal that even i cannot believe it. but one thing is true for the fact that. i'm still running and hiding away. like seriously running and hiding. i cannot bear the sight of his back, his hair or even his shadow for that matter. just his presence, his aura gives me the chills.
but eventually he found me. (the carpark wasn't a very good place to hide -.-) but anyways.. we also got taught by this teacher (unknown, not really important in the dream just that she was ... very easy to cheat??) you know those scenes, where students made up stories to cover their tracks.. yeah.. somehow we did that in my dream. lol.. then there were some awkward scenes i guess.. not going to reveal or talk much about that... just that it was really weird... the best part was probably the part where we made up stories to get rid of the teacher. impromptu. pronto. dotz.. aigoo.. anyways. yeah. i know my dreams won't happen haha so yeah. but just got a got irritated by it.
anyways.. yesterday was oki. but i caught the flu again.. maybe because i'm paying back for all the sins i've committed, the evils thoughts i had. the evil deeds i've done.. so well. yeah.. i think i'll be fine with God's grace :) fighting. haha
there's so much to consider lately. i'll just take my time. jia you!!:)
out later again. haha :)

=do something right=

dan dan danger.pinocchio.remem--ber. me?

2012-01-03T23:02:00.000+08:00

as the holidays are coming to an end. i start to reflect about the past month.
nope, i didn't go anywhere. not overseas. not even jb or malaysia. i just stayed at home. nua-ed. like seriously. i live and breath right in front of the computer. from wgm to running man to even dream team. its a never-ending stream of korean dramas. i was even crazy enough to let myself get addicted to primeval and hawaii five o. but.. i guess that was the well deserved break that i should have. from the start of this year.

as i scrolled down the pages on fb. looking at all the photos my friends were being tagged. or comments on the great meet-ups they had. i do feel a tinge of jealousy. why didn't i have a sleepover. why didn't i do this. why didn't i do that. maybe the problem lies with me. i'm not someone that can do sports really well. i cannot cycle let alone swim. neither do i have very outdoorsy friends. i dislike shopping malls up to the point that i'll get dizzy when i stay too long in them. but what i'm happy is that this holiday, i did have some fruitful days. i went to the titanic exhibition, the narnia exhibition, visited the nat museum. did a lot of stuff that i normally wouldn't do and i believe i'd continue to do it. i even bowled today. it has been ages since i last touched a bowling ball. haha. so what if i didn't manage to watch the fireworks during the countdown. i couldn't make it cause my mum disallowed me to. what right do you have to say that i miss out on a lot. 2012 would be last chance to see fireworks? haha i believe that when i go to heaven, thank God, i would have the chance to see many fireworks. 10,000 times more beautiful :) haha. i sound quite sore and indignant don't i?

hmm.. if you're curious, i spent the night watching kbs, sbs and mbs gayo daejun. (selected performances only) haha and ... yes.. you know it. the last 2 episodes of Hawaii five o. this holiday. God has been kind to me. really kind. so i'm really thankful. i still ate durian just now!! courtesy of my dad. <3 haha. i didn't know that by washing the husk with water and drinking the water could actually remove the strong 'aftershave' of the durian? haha. awesome stuff. praise the LORD. :)

school's reopening soon.. i may not be able to blog as frequent. in addition, i may not be able to watch my lee teuk's wgm episodes :( oh well.. i guess it would test my discipline somehow. mum gave me a prep talk... a couple of days ago. haha.

杀手---价值连城的幸运. i finally finished it :) haha its a good book no doubt. haha. hmmm.. i guess there isn't much to talk about..

about that issue.. i realised that i do still feel the pinge when i see pictures. cause its more visual ba. i don't know. :( this is bad. but oh well. everything is going to be oki :) haha. it would be better in time. you've put up for so long. there would be one day when it would finally disappeared :) fighting! haha :)

GOD BLESS!!<3

=do something right=

LIE

2012-01-02T22:38:00.000+08:00

C.N Blue – Lie
기억을 지운다 눈물로 지운다
Gi-eok-eul ji-un-da nun-mul-lo ji-un-da
내 안에 담을 수가 없는 널
Nae an-e dam-eul su-ga eobs-neun neol
추억을 떠민다 아픔을 떠민다
Chu-eok-eul ddeo-min-da a-peum-eul ddeo-min-da
내 안에 머물 수가 없도록
Nae an-e meo-mul su-ga eobs-do-rok

기억을 버린다 눈물로 버린다
Gi-eok-eul beo-rin-da nun-mul-lo beo-rin-da
아무런 기대조차 없도록
A-mu-reon gi-dae-ju-cha eobs-do-rok
애타는 내 가슴조차 알지 못하게
Ae-ta-neun nae ga-seum-jo-cha al-ji mot-ha-ge

아프게 널 밀어내도
a-peu-ge neol mil-eo-nae-do
(너만을 기다리고)
(neo-man-eul gi-da-ri-go)
그리워 멈출 수가 없나 봐
geu-ri-weo meom-chul su-ga eobs-na bwa
(어쩔 수가 없나 봐)
(eo-jjeol su-ga eobs-na bwa)
아직도 너를 보낼 수 없나 봐
A-jik-do neo-reul bo-nael su eobs-na bwa

버리고 버려도 가슴에 자라나
Beo-ri-go beo-ryeo-do ga-seum-e ja-ra-na
마르지 않는 눈물 되어
Ma-reu-ji anh-neun nun-mul doe-eo
지우고 지워도 자라나
Ji-u-go ji-weo-do ja-ra-na
아픔도 모를 상처로 남아
A-peum-do mo-reul sang-cheo-ro nam-a
하루 또 하루 희미해진
Ha-ru ddo ha-ru heui-mi-hae-jin
초라한 내 사랑 이제는
Cho-ra-han nae sa-rang i-je-neun
잡으려 아무리 애써도 안돼
Jab-eu-ryeo a-mu-ri ae-sseo-do an-dwae

울음을 삼킨다 가슴을 파고든
Ul-eum-eul sam-kin-da ga-seum-eul pa-go-deun
그리움 고개를 들 수 없도록
Geu-ri-um go-gae-reul deul su eobs-do-rok
지쳐간 내 가슴 조차 알지 못하게
Ji-chyeo-gan nae ga-seum jo-cha al-ji mot-ha-ge

아프게 널 밀어내도
a-peu-ge neol mil-eo-nae-do
(너만을 기다리고)
(neo-man-eul gi-da-ri-go)
그리워 멈출 수가 없나 봐
(geu-ri-weo meom-chul su-ga eobs-na bwa)
(어쩔 수가 없나 봐)
(eo-jjeol su-ga eobs-na bwa)
아직도 너를 보낼 수 없나 봐
A-jik-do neo-reul bo-nael su eobs-na bwa

버리고 버려도 가슴에 자라나
Beo-ri-go beo-ryeo-do ga-seum-e ja-ra-na
마르지 않는 눈물 되어
Ma-reu-ji anh-neun nun-mul doe-eo
지우고 지워도 자라나
Ji-u-go ji-weo-do ja-ra-na
아픔도 모를 상처로 남아
A-peum-do mo-reul sang-cheo-ro nam-a
하루 또 하루 희미해진
Ha-ru ddo ha-ru heui-mi-hae-jin
초라한 내 사랑 이제는
Cho-ra-han nae sa-rang i-je-neun
잡으려 아무리 애써도 안돼
Jab-eu-ryeo a-mu-ri ae-sseo-do an-dwae

늘 불안했던 그 눈빛
Neul bul-an-haett-deon geu nun-bit
(언제나 날 가두고)
(eon-je-na nal ga-du-go)
달려와 줄 것만 같은 기대
(dal-ryeo-wa jul geot-man gat-eun gi-dae)
(자꾸 날 멍들게 해)
(ja-ggu nal meong-deul-ge hae)
이제 더 이상 너 올 수 없는데
I-je deo i-sang neo ol su eobs-neun-de

버리고 버려도 가슴에 자라나
Beo-ri-go beo-ryeo-do ga-seum-e ja-ra-na
마르지 않는 눈물 되어
Ma-reu-ji anh-neun nun-mul doe-eo
지우고 지워도 자라나
Ji-u-go ji-weo-do ja-ra-na
아픔도 모를 상처로 남아
A-peum-do mo-reul sang-cheo-ra nam-a
사랑해 너만을 사랑해
Sa-rang-hae neo-man-eul sa-rang-hae
안을 수도 없어 아파도
An-eul su-do eobs-eo a-pa-do
잡으려 아무리 애써도
Jab-eu-ryeo a-mu-ri ae-sseo-do
내 사랑 아무리 불러도
Nae sa-rang a-mu-ri bul-leo-do

TRANSLATION
I erase the memories; I erase them with tears
I cannot keep you inside me.
I push away the memories, I push away the pain
So they can’t stay inside me.
I throw away the memories, I throw them away with tears
So I won’t have any hope,
So my longing heart won’t even know
Even though I painfully push you away (I wait for you)
I don’t think I can stop missing you (I don’t think it can be helped)
I don’t think I can let you go
I throw you away again and again but you grow inside my heart,
you become tear drops that won’t dry out
and grow even though I erase you again and again.
You become a wound that doesn’t even hurt.
No matter how hard I try, I can no longer hold onto my love
that becomes more and more blurry each day.
I swallow the tears that dig inside my heart,
so my longing won’t lift up its heard,
so my exhausted heart won’t know
Even though I painfully push you away (I wait for you)
I don’t think I can stop missing you (I don’t think it can be helped)
I don’t think I can let you go.
Your nervous eyes (always trap me)
This hope that you might come back (keeps bruising me)
But you can’t come back anymore
I throw you away again and again but you grow inside my heart,
you become tear drops that won’t dry out
and grow even though I erase you again and again.
You become a wound that doesn’t even hurt.
I love you, I love you
I can’t even hug you even though it hurts,
No matter how hard I try to hold on to you,
No matter how hard I call out my love,
I can’t

last day of 2011

2011-12-31T17:41:00.002+08:00

it is the last day of the year 2011.
as i scroll up and down the fb home page, it is filled with well wishes for the next year. the year 2012.
people say that 2012 would be the year the earth is going to end. there is even a movie about it. but is that true? ttytt, the asnwer is not really that important to me. yes we all die.. but eventually we all are going to. don't we? musn't we?
i guess that topic is death is rather a sad one. and no one would really choose to talk about it on the last day of the year. but... shouldn't the last day of the year be one of reflection. to look back at the choices you make. the things you did. the path that you walked. and then try to change anything. more of what did you take back this year, rather than setting new resolutions. i cannot speak for others but i speak for myself. i hardly follow my resolutions. in this changing and dynamic world, we do new a goal, a direction but how we get to our goal, the route. we need to adapt and take whatever that comes to us. is thrown at us. sounds easy? it is. but when you add in morals, peer pressure. principles. money. etc. everything seems to stand in your way sometimes. making it difficult to move on and you might just remain there for a while. or going round and round in circles.
just like how i read xiao di's blog, setting realistic resolutions. his method was to set stuff that you can actually do. like backpack around Singapore. or try all the mee pok noodles in Singapore. tangible stuff rather than the intangible. like.. be a kinder person. if you let up your sit to an elderly on the train or bus, does that make you kinder? you might argue saying that you don't usually do that.. but is that really an improvement?
with this issue, i think but on watching the show i not stupid. the dad said.. even a 0.5 mark difference is considered an improvement. can we really use results to determine improvement?
sometimes the problem doesn't lie with the tangibility of the reoslutions we make. but the memory of it. how many of us can truthfully say you remember what resolutions you made at the start of this year? i don't even think i did make any resolutions for the matter of fact. haha.
maybe we should start taking life seriously. for this new year. yeah 2012. the new resolution would be to take it more seriously.
i like how jin puts it. if you want to do it. make sure you do it well. if not. don't do it at all. taking life seriously does not mean to be serious all the time. on the contrary, you need to have fun. and enjoy every moment. i believe that every moment of the day, there would be a lesson for you to learn. be it small or big. even a tiny little gesture. it could be something that you do everyday. it could be something new. but i trust that. there must be something you can learn out of it :)

oki on a lighter note, i would like to take this opportunity to thank God for this year. even though the starting was a little rocky, but i still smiled my best and gave it my all. Thank you for the results. For allowing me to enter my choice course. a university. met a great group of friends. not forgetting the 10month work that i did before. some choices that i male that allowed me to learn and to be careful in future haha. in addition the nice and fun collegues that i met. and nice bosses that are really understanding. Thank you for bringing back old friends and even though some of them left. but we're still on talking terms. with that i'm grateful for. Eternally. of course those who are still in my life. thank you for them remembering me. and still keeping in touch. even though the times are tough but we'll try our best to stay in touch :)

really miss all of them :) but it has definitely been an eventful year haha :)

take care everyone as we say good bye to the year. the year of work. the year of A level results released. the year of uni life. the year of Hallyu wave. the year of new friendship. the year of 2011.

God Bless :) thinking if i should meet dongsang later haha will see how. let the countdown begin!!

=do something right=

blue wave

2011-12-30T21:30:00.000+08:00

just like what my fb status writes. sherlock holmes is definitely more than just a game of shadows. matching wit for wit, curse for curse. with a tinge of modern technology, add two grown-up men who bickers constantly. wonderfully and masterfully pieced together right to the end of the seams. haha but i would love it if they cut down on the bombing and running scenes. 2 hours worth of action packed scenes seasoned with humour. no matter what the reviews said, even though i did not have the opportunity to watch the first movie, but nevertheless i enjoyed the movie thoroughly haha. through and through. i soaked in every single sound, the noise, words exchange. the whole experience was awesome. though it might sound far-fetched to you, but why not give it a shot? haha. how i wished i had the adequate amout of vocab to describe the entire show.

the show started off with Holmes being the master of disguise, with keen observation, slowly following irene. his love interest. haha it is witty and funny at the same time. a pity irene had to removed from the picture so fast.. thanks to Dr James Moriarty. haha it has that ring to it doesn't it xp. the scheming little tone. :)
following it was Dr watson's visit to eccentric Holmes' house haha. his house or i should say room changes accordingly to his mood :) really funny haha. i love the human camouflage suit that he created. his mind also works in a very different way. with him linking everything. victim. suspect.mastermind.evidence. all by red thread or should i put it.... as how Watson placed it. spider web... haha. i really have no idea how does his brilliant mind works :)
the hilarious part was when he 'killed' Watson's pug.. and then brough it back to life :) the accupunture needle--- Watson's wedding gift haha.
and yes, Dr Watson is being engaged to Mary... his fiancee. according to lin from the first movie. anyways. their lives are implicated from the moment they were accquainted with Holmes. haha Even though Holmes plead for the mercy of Dr Moriarty to let Watson and his wife go.. but well.. too bad, although he's evil, but that's what makes the entire movie so interesting :)
the train scene was the best imo haha. when Holmes had to disguise himself into a girl haha ghastly.. beastly girl xp but nevertheless.. amusing. entertaining and humourous haha . :) absolutely a joy to watch the part where Watson and Holmes bicker haha :)
Dr Moriarty is definitely Holmes' match. The realistic part about it is that Holmes did make a mistake and it ended in dire consequences.. a bomb masking a murder gun shot attack. wonderful. just wonderful.
The ending.. open ending of Holmes supposedly dying but in the end came back to life with his brother (another holmes) own supply of oxygen and showcasing his human camouflage suit once again haha :) nice nice. i applaud guy ritchie for it. i applaud robert downey jr for his acting. and jude law for making me fall in love with him besides the holiday :) haha.
I adore stanley, Holmes and Holmes' butler and server.... who always gets in the ay of the two brothers and .... often being bullied by them haha ;)
but i give this show two thumbs up!.

watch it. really a must watch :)

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caught Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol.
another good show haha :) blessed i'm truly blessed. :) awesome stuff. i'm smitten by the level of techonology they used. especially the hologram haha. the video actually follows the eyes of the subject to create the illusion that whatever you see if there. haha but it only works when one subject is targetted. there is also the double suit where your jacket can be inverted into different uniforms. the not too impressive adhesive hand gear... blue is glue and red is dead haha.. it runs on battery i think so it tends to wear out... like... in less than 20 mintues? haha. i perosnal favourite? the human recognition contact lenses. it is able to recognise if that person is a registered assasin in the database and alert you via your phone. plus its capabilities include photocopying... imge for image which is simply... awesome.. oh man haha... i really hope to get my hands on one of those.. but i don't know how to wear contact lenes xp.

anyways. mi4 was more of a stunt cum building up of tension kind of movie whereas Sherlock displays everything to you and hands it to you in one entire shot. you either take it and play along with it.. or you just sit there and try to figure out the mind of Sherlock.. which is impossible haha. i still prefer Sherlock to MI4 though cause i'm a mystery kind of girl. arm with a handful of witty conversation and phrasing.. good story line and interesting characters.. you'd have gotten me hooked.. or i like Sherlock Holmes since i was a little girl.. so.. yeah well easy to get my hooked to once you know what i like haha. i don't change much :)

i'm really thankful for the friends who accompanied me to watch these two great movies, even though the seats may not be good or for whatever reason. but i'm still really thankful. jin, lin and jia wei :) thank you. haha.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
went to the national museum with lin that day we went to catch Sherlock. the best part was it was super coincidental. didn't know that it was open house. so we managed to get into the museum for fre.. and not only that, the exhibition dreams and reality which usually cost $11 to get in. was free too!! though i didn't really know how to appreciate art.. but well look and see won't do any harm :) in addition i managed to catch a glimpse of Vincent Van Gogh's starry night. haha i like to call it starry starry night. after a song haha :) by Don McLean... who uses the lyrics to depict the life of the Dutch painter :)

i think this painting is nice too. with its level of difficulty.. to paint a full body potrait :)

haha. well.. its the second last day of the year 2011.. i do not know if i would have the opportunity to blog tmr.. or the discipline to do so.. but. this year it has been an eventful one.

i'll just end off with what i learnt. from now on, i will try not to pray for what i want/need or hope to happen. i'll pray that God will lead and guide me in the way he deem fit. i need to trust in him more.

regarding that issue.. haha suddenly it has become a taboo. i just have to say maybe we'll never meet again. or maybe we will someday but i know once we do. nothing much will change haha. still like old times. i don't know if i'm waiting or whatever. cause i didn't venture much into that area ever since i stepped into uni. haha

next year i need to maintain my gpa or let it go up. i know it can get to a higher mark. 4.5 i hope? slow slow.. bit by bit will do. fighting! haha.

i'll still continue my hunt.. oh right!! MI4 agent ethan hunt. the name is so cool!! haha <3 oki sorry.
i'll continue the hunt for my CN blue poster haha. plus i have yet to reward myself for my grades!! i'm still waiting for the Swatch touch price to decrease. no way am i spending $195 on that watch!!! haha..

everyone. have a great year ahead :)
God Bless!!! <3

=do something right=

this the season to be jolly

2011-12-25T18:51:00.001+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JESUS!

although it was not stated in the Bible which day exactly that JEsus was born, but we set 25th dec as the date afterall haha. :)

anyways this Christmas has been a nice one so far. haha hmm i realised that i always start off with that line. well its because its part of the effect from listening to CN Blue songs >< haha a little addicted to them haha. its true. music trancends across all continents, regardless of the language used. but i really dislike those with vulgar words.. makes me squirm in my seat haha. current;y basking myself in Christmas Korean variety programmes. awww someone please sub wgm ep114 fast!!! haha

music bank and music core all have Christmas specials :) watching ylbfb rainie and alien haha. hmm.. well back to korean again haha. just jumping here and there.

this morning was watching the holiday.. it was a nice movie. makes me think of doing something like that. just exchange my house, everything with someone ... at the other end of the globe. to get away from everything.. everyone.. all familiarity just for maybe... 2 weeks? haha. so cool right!! meet new people. people who don't know you. although it would be lonely.. but at least it would be a good experience. sometimes i just want to forget everything. i found myself waiting last night. absurdly. i wonder what was i thinking. i gave explicit instructions.. but i was still waiting.. would i receive a Christmas greeting? lol. i think i should laugh at myself for that. really. truly. remarkably. i shoudn't have anything to hold on now. especially now. but.. maybe its because its Christmas.. so i though wishes sometimes do come true haha :)

anyways i have to say something.!!! the church message today was not very good. no offence. but i thought the title was quite interesting: After Christmas then what? hmmmi thought perhaps the pastor would touch on 2012 the hot topic of the wold coming to an end.... or maybe how the Christmas season is like.. dampening. or why the weather keeps changing all this with references drawn from the Bible.. namely the book revelations. haha. well i hope that the messages improve although dad said that going to church and listening to messages.. is to renew your faith. i understand but they should touch on issues that are more relevant!! really. aigoo.~

hmmm.. many nice songs out there.. but my personal favourit is ashley tisdale's version of last Christmas. then there's snsd's tiffany's verison of Christmas Dream. haha a remix of katy perry's teeange dream not bad :) oh well.. i just hope that everyone is healthy and hope you guys like the gifts/prezzies that i gave to you guys for Christmas!! haha love all the wonderful lovely text messages i got this morning!! <3 <3 thanks* for your lovely treats and presents and cards as well !! especially from mum, xiao di, joan, bestie, pei ru and pei ming etc etc. haha <3

Merry Blessed Christmas!! <3

Joy to the world!

=do something right=

x factor

2011-12-23T13:05:00.003+08:00

woke up at 9am. its still so surreal that results were released yesterday. that i finally cleared some aus, that i finally have a gpa to my name. i'm in the system. i'm being graded. anyways, back to why i woke up so early. its to catch the season finale of the x factor USA.

it was a truly touching and remarkable season. starting off with the final 12 singing edge of glory. it was really a nice moment.. with every single one... singing their best. haha the performances were amazing. just performing under pressure haha :)

i cried when i saw melanie's tape full of well wishes :) really touching. i know i keep repeating these words.. but its really nice to watch all the videos.. of all the encouragement. makes me think of all my peers and family. those who were with me at some point of time in my life. really thank you.

the results were a bit of a shocker as i though chris would win haha but he came in 3rd. josh was 2nd and of couse melanie came in at the top. a hugh feat for a girl at 19 :) awesome stuff happening. haha.

the performance by pitbull, marcus canty and ne-yo was the most enjoyable one!! haha <3 it ttm. currently having a mild flu.. since 2 days ago.. well its the price i have to pay for sinning... luckily my results didn't suffer haha :) thank God.

currently finished watching princess protection programme. now at running man!! song ji hyo is super smart!! no wonder she's called the ace. she realised the plate on her door knob and then switched it!! oh my interesting game. my yong hwa was not too shabby either haha. at least he was swift and he managed to rip off the spartan's tag.. at the same time his was off. but whatever the case, still a great job haha.

i'm also done with secret garden. i'm proud to say that the plot was wonderful and delightful, where everything pieced together masterfully. really nice. i give it 2 thumbs up :) haha
spending my holidays like that is fun too. now as its raining outside i'm warm at home <3 haha just hope that my flu will subside soon haha. one more week till next year.. haha then its a tradition to blog on the last day of the year 2011 as usual. new faces coming up wonder what next year would be like. haha

=do something right=

heart dropped

2011-12-22T11:03:00.001+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY CASSANDRA!!

there. did it. done that. i must say really :
PRAISE THE LORD!!

given that during my exam period is was still listening to the radio and watching the sea games punctually at 7 pm everyday just to catch a glimpse of Joseph schooling or kevin jeremy matthews. oh well.. i should be happy with my results. the radio was a way to keep me going. watching the sea games was a way for me to relax. considering the fact that i screamed and shouted in triumphant when singapore won gold for badminton... that was a day before my chem paper? i cannot remember.

doing reflections a month after the exams may seemed too late. regrets of the results often or not become the aftermath. however. i'm proud to say that i do not really regret anything. cause i really did put in my effort and trust in the LORD that he really did give me strength to sit down and finish 5 2.5 hour papers. this feat... its really.. i'm really proud of myself. at least i did manage to enjoy and study at the same time. even though my grades were not that good, as compared to my peers. but with this score, i'm contented. haha ^^

learning to be grateful is a skill. especially when my heart literally dropped when i saw my grades. just the grade itself was enough to make my heart skip a beat. the gpa was even better. but overall, i'm still thankful haha :)

now as the holidays draw to a close and the next sem draws near... its time to get back into gear. to stop my body from crashing down. to stop my mind from thinking about all unimportant stuff. to really focus back into my optimum.the next sem would be tougher. with 6 mods instead of 5. with zero option of s/u ing. i got to fight. choosing electives of my interest is my current strategy to excel in them so as to focus on my 4cores. even though i have two exam papers on the same day and it seem as if the odds are against me. but i know i can do it. my peak. i can reach. i will reach it. i must reach it.

new found strength from the LORD. i really need a boost. jia you. conquer year 1 for a great start. afterwich. year 2,3,4 need to keep chionging too. oh well clare ah clare. jia keep moving :)

'no matter, you have to arrive at some place. if you walk long enough that is' -secret garden

fighting!

=do something right=

bonamana

2011-12-21T09:30:00.000+08:00

haha. here i am once again. been going out like... consecutively for a few days as i have lots to blog about. currently searching for a new blogskin design haha. but i'd always get sidetrack.

anyways. lets talk about monday haha. met up with my frolick mate, lovely friend and good sister yin san!! haha. we went on LOGOs HOPE the ship and supposedly world's largest book fair on a ship!! haha at first when she told me i was like.. i think you meant shop.. but it really was a ship!! haha even dongsang was like whatttt!! when i told her on sunday haha :) anyways it was like raining all day. we had to use an umbrella to shelter ourselve from vivo to the ship haha.super slippery and its like... my spped slowed down by... 3/4 haha i didn't want to fall so yeah. anyways, it was quite cool to have been there. the books are really not bad. but what i don't understand is why do they even have a section called 'hannah montana' like... is she really that famous?? haha they go by units to determine the prize. 100 units is equivalent to $4 haha so you do the maths :) after that we left for dinner. thankfully we manage to reach carls junior early so we avoided the dinner crowd haha. my burger was seriously bigger and cheaper than yin san's haha. but i was fun. her a sauce lover. me not really anti sauce. but if given a choice. original flavour. haha. but there are exceptions like sashimi of course haha xp. we practically spend like an hour deciding on what movie to watch. too bad we were not fated to watch new year's eve :( but we manage to fly down to dhoby in time to watch alvin and the chipmunks 3. haha. current;y still floating in theodore world.

ain't he adorable!! <3

i like eleanor too!! awwww haha. throughout the entrie movie, it made me love theodore more and more. alvin is oki. brittany too. haha. but i don't mind simon/ simone haha or jeanette :) i love the part where theodore gave dave the necklace. haha it has all colours so it goes with everything and then its soft to sleep on. awww really touching. haha . it was a good show. no a must watch but if you're feeling down. you can watch it. it'll leave you laughing all the way with smiles :) oh man now i think chipmunk versions of songs are nice to listen to!! haha :) oki that's for with yin san.

yesterday i went to the art/science museum with bestie haha went to see the titanic exhibition. it was totally an impromptu suggestion. haha. but it was cool. cause we got to see what the divers saw. the submarine submerging took about 12-15 hours. they also sent two bots. elwood and jake. haha elwood got stuck in one of the expeditions and the trip became from exploring the titanic to saving elwood haha they were playing 'the two of us' at the background. this expedition was really an eye-opener. but i marvel at how the crew (which consisted of people from various walks of life i.e microbiologist, journalist etc) manage to piece together what they saw. as in.. i cannot tell which deck they were looking through i you minus away all the graphics and comparision to the movie scenes they showed > < i'm surprised at the intricate pattern and the extent to which the windows.. namely the glassware is still intact. one piece and the colour is still there. i supposed stained glassware is long lasting haha. the video lasted for an hour. but it really brought me deep into the depths of the titanic. haha.

the exhibition was mapped out in such a way that it would bring you to different decks of the ship. starting from the 1st class to the boiler room. haha we were given this 'boarding pass' with names of true characters on it. when we reached the end of the exhibit, there would be this long list of names, categorised by the class. you can check if 'you' survived or not haha. i did. cause i was travelling first class with my maid lol bestie died. but his wife and children survived. the two friends that came with him died too haha. from the exhibit, you could see the vast difference in treatment. even a third class water dispenser and a 1st class one has like a major distinction!! especially in design. the china ware and pattern are all different. haha. the boiler room was cool too :) could feel the heat haha. and then we saw the 'iceberg' which literally was this giant ice structure haha :) nice nice. anyways, it was a good experience.

some fun facts about titanic:
full name: rms titanic.
according to the net, rms stood for 'royal mail ship'
owner: white star line
what caused this unsinkable ship to sink: collision of an iceberg, 37secs after the berg came into view.
Captain: captain smith. aged 62. this was his last voyage before retirement--a promise he made to his wife and daughter.
Musicians: a small emsemble played music to calm down the atmosphere outting their lives in danger as everyone was getting into lifeboats to evacuate.. right in front of them.
Unsung heroes: the captain never abandoned his ship. people who worked frantically to send out wireless signals for sos. people in the boiler room. people in the engine room.
Cause of deaths of 1,514 passengers: not enough lifeboats. a supposedly 32 would be enough but it was cut down to 20. this caused grief and regret to mr Andrews would was the designer of the ship. as he did not fight hard enough to push for the remaining 12 lifeboats to be kept they.

welll... it was a tragedy then. haha. but i had fun for around 5 consecutive days. resutls would be out tmr!!! like... seriously tmr!!! =S haha.

anyways, i have been getting flashbacks.. just certain memory spots coming out.. hmm.. been a while since that happened. i guess.. some parts would always be there. i still don't know how to react. so i hope the situation i dread does not occur cause till now i don't think i'd know how to handle it. yupyup. that's about all folks. haha.

1 more day.... shiver me timbles.

=do something right=
cause right now i'm still not ready to meet you.

one day

2011-12-19T14:33:00.000+08:00

435pages.2days.oneday
that famous book by david nicholls that became a major motion picture.
did it. done it. finished it. haha.
this story really touches me. especially the last part!! why did she have to die :( awwww.... well needless to say, my favourite page is 435 haha. not because its the end. but because the scene potrayed on the cover.. would.. i infer to be the scene as described on page 435 haha <3

yup there it is :) haha. it talks about friendship. dreams. kinship. what really matters most in life. twenty years. meeting one day each and just cherishing that day. i wouldn't mind that. i really wouldn't haha.

anyways. went out with dongsang yesterday. but before thAT.....
received an sms from wei jin!!!!!!!!!!!!! awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww super sweet haha. thanking me for the card and stuff. haha i locked that message maybe can type it out later haha :) oki anyways went to church and then met dongsang haha. had fun. i could feel my legs like... building up muscles haha lol. jkjk. just walked around and talk and stuff. but it has been quite a while since i talked about that issue. haha. but its fine now. anyways, just want to tell dongsang that if you realise that you don't have motivation, i think thAT Is like the frist step already. haha :) so keep trying and don't give up!! haha :) i'll be going on a ship later with frolick mate! woo~ haha :) btw, dongsang, thank you for your present!! :)

i want to get a cn blue poster to paste it in my room!! haha :)

3 more days. 3 more days!

been thinking of changing my blogskin. hmm..
[YongHwa] Uh come on yeah

[YongHwa] Naega nal ddeonal georan jikgami wa (Don't give up)
Jakkuman ireon jeoreon pinggyaedeulman (Don't give up)
Neukkimi dallatdeon ssaneulhan Bye Bye (Don't give up)
Nan bonael su eobseo (Because I love you)

[YongHwa] Narul saranghanda hal ddaen eonjego ijae waseo Why you say goodbye
Idaero bonael sun eobseo (because I love you)

(Whoa oh) [YongHwa] Iyuh anin iyuro
(Whoa oh oh) [YongHwa] Narul ddeonagaryeo hajima

[All] Please don't go go go jebal ddeonakajima
[YongHwa] Hanbeonmanirado nal dorabwajullae
[All] Please don't go go go seulpeun insanun shireo
[YongHwa] Neol saranghanikka dashi dorawa

[All] Step by step one two three Dipdi daridu
Gingin shigandeuri neorul jiweogagettjiman
Step by step one two three Dipdi daridu
[YongHwa] Nan haru haruga gotongilgeoya

[YongHwa] Neowa nan kkutiranun jikgami wa (Don't give up)
Jakkuman ireonjeoron jjajungdeulman (Don't give up)
Gihweeman yeotboda chagaun Bye Bye (Don't give up)
Nan bonael su eobseo (Because I love you)

(Whoa oh) [YongHwa] Geojit gateun sarangi
(Whoa oh oh) [YongHwa] Jeomjeom narul apeukeman hae
[All] Please don't go go go jebal ddeonakajima
[YongHwa] Hanbeonmanirado nal dorabwajullae
[All] Please don't go go go seulpeun insanun shireo
[YongHwa] Neol saranghanikka dashi dorawa

[All] Step by step one two three Dipdi daridu
Gingin shigandeuri neorul jiweogagettjiman
Step by step one two three Dipdi daridu
[YongHwa] Nan haru haruga gotongilgeoya

[YongHwa] Uh nae ibsureun ibyeoreul malhagil wonhae
Nae nunbicheun narul piharyeogo manhae
I ready know nan ajuh jikkamjeokeuro (I don't wanna say goodbye)
Don't say goodbye ibyeoreul malhajima
Don't say bye bye narul ddeonajima
Sarangeul ddeonaseo naran saramaege ireojima (Because I love you)

[All] Don't say no no no nae nuneul pihajima
[YongHwa] Han georeum han georeum wae meoreojiryeo hae
[All] Don't say no no no keureon pyojeongeun shireo
[YongHwa] Nunmullo ireohkae aewonhajanha

[All] Please don't go go go jebal ddeonagajima
[YongHwa] Don't break my heart Don't you break my heart
Narul ddeonajima yeah, still loving you

[All] Please don't go go go seulpeun insanun shireo
[YongHwa] Neol saranghanikka dashi dorawa

[All] Step by step one two three Dipdi daridu
Gingin shigandeuri neorul jiweogagetjiman
Step by step one two three Dipdi daridu
[YongHwa] Maeil maeili akmongilgeoya

translation:
Uh come on yeah
I get a feeling that you’ll leave me (Don’t give up)
You keep giving me all these excuses (Don’t give up)
Your cold Bye Bye that felt different from before (Don’t give up)
I cannot let you go (Because I love you)
You told me you love me but now, why you say goodbye?
I cannot let you go like this, never (because I love you)
Don’t try to leave me
with only an excuse
Please don’t go go go, Please don’t go
Can you please look back at me just once?
Please don’t go go go, I don’t like sad good byes
Please come back to me, because I love you
Step by step one two three Dipdi daridu
Long, long times will erase you away
Step by step one two three Dipdi daridu
But each day will be a torture for me
I get a feeling that you and I are over (Don’t give up)
You keep complaining about this and that (Don’t give up)
A cold Bye Bye after waiting for the chance (Don’t give up)
I cannot let you go (Because I love you)
This trashy love
is hurting me more and more
Please don’t go go go, Please don’t go
Can you please look back at me just once?
Please don’t go go go, I don’t like sad good byes
Please come back to me, because I love you
Uh Your lips want to say good bye
Your eyes keep trying to avoid me
I already know through my intuition (I don’t wanna say goodbye)
Don’t say good bye, don’t say good bye
Don’t say bye bye, don’t go
Don’t leave love and do this to me (Because I love you)
Don’t say no no no, don’t avoid my eyes
Step by step, why are you trying to get farther away from me?
Don’t say no no no, I don’t like that kind of a look
I am pleading like this with tears
Please don’t go go go, please don’t go
Don’t break my heart Don’t you break my heart
Don’t leave me, yeah, still loving you
Please don’t go go go I don’t like sad good byes
Please come back to me, because I love you.
Step by step one two three Dipdi daridu
Long, long times will erase you away
Step by step one two three Dipdi daridu
But everyday will be a nightmare

dear God i know i have been doing some bad things lately. i've sin. and i ask for your forgiveness. give me the self-dicipline. dear God i pray. lead and guide me in your way . thank you God.
=do something right=

the road less travelled. oblivion

2011-12-16T19:15:00.000+08:00

reflections.walk.trail.education.pathway.choices.kinship
words to describe yesterday's journey. it was fun. a brand new experience. its good to take a break from the hustle and bustle of life. the shopping malls. the rush of the morning crowd. just to take a walk. just a walk anywhere.

The Road Not Taken

TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood,

And sorry I could not travel both

And be one traveler, long I stood

And looked down one as far as I could

To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,

And having perhaps the better claim,

Because it was grassy and wanted wear;

Though as for that the passing there

Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay

In leaves no step had trodden black.

Oh, I kept the first for another day!

Yet knowing how way leads on to way,

I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh

Somewhere ages and ages hence:

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—

I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference.

yesterday, we took the road less travelled.

har pa villla, botanical gardens. i still remember i visited har pa villa as a young girl. but i was really terrified by the huge tiger that was molded onto the red waves that greeted us at the entrace. i refused to enter the apparent 'gates of hell' but yestearday was really an eye-opener for me. i managed to go yesterday. haha thanks* to the help of xiao di. this is sort of like a tribute to you xp. i really learnt a lot. the various punishments for the various crimes that you committed in your 'current' life. being respectful to elders is of utmost importance. especially to your parents. you would really be tortured i.e intestines being pulled out or heart cut out if you are disrespectful. yup. this is of a higher priority than stealing or committing any petty crimes. as we wandered around the grounds of har pa villa, there were many tourists. i was really surprised. it wasn't as run down as i had expected and people still know about it. the circle line really helped!!! ^^ anyways, i had fun asking xiao di about all the chinese sword fighting stories and the myths. he really is knowledgeable in this aspect haha :)

botanical garden was really zen. with all the little decorated Christmas trees lined up. it was as if they were guiding our paths. haha.

it was really a nice place. just hiking and walking around it was a whole new experience. it has been a long time since i last visited the gardens. haha :)

dinner!!! oki shall not talk a lot about it. just that the food was great. ambience could be improved haha :) the salmon that xiao di ordered was awesome. so tender and it literally melts in your mouth. there is no need to bite or chew. you can taste the freshness every single bite. haha cause xiao di was generous enough to offer me a slice. i had grilled pork. a pork grilled to perfection. with a unique taste. the best thing about the meal were the fried. :) absolutely adore it haha :)

after dinner, we took a long walk. exploration was the theme of our day hence the different paths we chose to take. Holland Village definitely has an interesting night you can only see and indulge in thebeautiful when the sun is out. candles and lowly lit lamps gives a greatatmosphere. cosy. warm. romantic. fantastic for fine dining. the concept isreally good as it caters to those who fine dine. haha xiao di and i felt thatwe were like backpackers. on foot. happen to run into a posh place. felt kindof out of place yet it felt good to bask in its warmth :) but of course wecouldn't afford the food haha :)

this journey allowed me to thinkback. on how i'm living my life. sometimes.. i really do need a breather to getaway from everything. even if its just one day. one day is good enough.

i'll leave you with the wise wordsof my xiao di:

nothing is the truth. you onlybelieve what you want to believe. it is because everyone believes in something.that is why it has become the truth.

haha. yup. so we grow older, westart to talk slower. softer even. but what's certain is that. we would thinkbefore we speak. definitely :) de rong once named a photo album: enquire.think. hike. so maybe i should end off with something similar. hmm...

reflect.dream.grow.

=do something right=

-.-

2011-12-15T10:43:00.001+08:00

i think something is going terribly wrong with me.
i used is and not has because i'm still aware of it and 'it' hasn't happen yet. oki...
i was at ion getting some materials yesterday and when i was coming back down, i saw this guy.. two guys.. coming down from the escalator. they looked young. like 23-25? one of them was pushing a pram! oki.. nevermind about this guy. the other guy... no idea why.. my heart started pumping really fast -.- crazy i know. i don't even know him!!!!!!! like witw! hmm.. maybe its because he has this bad boy/filial cool aura. plus he wore specs. i'm a killer for guys in specs. no idea why. back hair was tinted a dull maroon. wearing casual formal wear. dotz... i wasn't staring! that's all i got from their... 2min escalator ride? of course i know i won't meet him again lol. but this shows that something is going wrong with me. lovesick? oh man.. no way please. aigoo. oh wells, its over haha.

currently indulging in running man haha. its hilarious. but my yong hwa looks like he is losing :(( cannot give up hope!!! gambatte!! jia you!! fighting!!

haha oki this holiday... really getting a bit too dreamy and my brain is rotting lol. oki will continue my show.

=do something right=

in time with you

2011-12-12T16:42:00.001+08:00

Right Brain/ Left Brain Quiz
The higher of these two numbers below indicates which side of your brain has dominance in your life. Realising your right brain/left brain tendancy will help you interact with and to understand others.
Left Brain Dominance:	(9)
Right Brain Dominance:	(6)
Right Brain/ Left Brain Quiz

Which Side Do You Use?

You responded as a right brained person to 9 questions, and you responded as a left brained person to 9questions. According to the Hemispheric Dominance test, you use your left brain the most. The summary briefly describes your dominance type. Remember, this only represents half of the picture.
Some of the traits associated with the left side of the brain are listed in the table. Not all of the traits will apply to you. Remember, we use both side of our brain, but your left sides gets the most exercise.

Type of Cognitive Processing	Brief Description
Linear	Processing information from part to whole; in a straight forward logical progression.
Sequential	Processing information in order from first to last.
Symbolic	Processes symbols an pictures; likes to use letters, words and mathematical symbols.
Logical	Processes information piece by piece using logic to solve a problem.
Verbal	Processes thoughts and ideas with words.
Reality-Based	Processes information based on reality; focuses on rules and regulations

after taking 3 separate tests.. it is concluded--i use my left brain more lol.

Some things are better left unsaid. some things are better left undone. some things whether it has been written down or not would have stayed in your memory longer than you thought it would. during this december. even though i didn't go to school or study, but i felt that i grew as a person as the more time i spent with myself, the better i understand myself. whenever i walk past people on the street, many monologues will appear at the top of my head. many catchphrases, emotions, thoughts that i didn't have before when i was younger. next year, i'm going to be 20. as much as i'm not willing or looking for it to happen, but i know that its inevitable and well. i have to grow up someday. i never thought that i would one day break the age of the ones and embark on the 2s. it is both scary yet... thrilling. expectations would grow. i cannot act childishly anymore as people would prefer to see the mature side of me. they would want to know if i know how to do things that twenty-years olds are supposed to know how to do. i know that i am lacking in many places, but i do hope that i'll be able to live more healthily and learn more stuff. :) it would be nice to know how to do a variety of stuff.

there has been many occasions where i wanted to jot down all the statements that were floating out of my head. i'm really afraid that i would lose all these ideas. i'm a quote-lover and my life is pretty much govered by them. they are my motivation and comfort. I'm really glad that God sent them into my life to help me along. they are God's little angels :) <3

there was a quote from the korean movie: 4th period murder mystery by maximilien robspierre.

Crime butchers innocence to secure a throne, and innocence struggles with all its might against the attempts of crime.

haha i like it :) the essence :P speaking of quotes.. it sounds like some lit subject.. wellll..... yeah i might be taking lit as en elective next sem.. we'll see how it goes.. oh well. that's all folks. need to head out now :)

=do something right=

那些年

2011-11-30T19:43:00.001+08:00

woah, it has been a while since i last updated here. haha. been busy with examinations. ended my last paper for sem 1 yesterday at 7.30pm. business law!! haha hopefully all my readers are still around. i realise that i have a month of catching up to do here. haha. i didn't let it rot oki!! hmm.. where should i start? haha. well, you must have realised from the top, huge picture of a... quite outdated, yet still well-recevied show: you are the apple of my eye. haha 那些年，我们一起追的女孩. just caught it today!! at 12.40pm! it was a really sweet show with a simple story line that made me when to rewind time and go back to the days where i was just a secondary school kid. even though i wasn't the smartest or prettiest girl in class, and didn't have 5 guys chasing after me, i really miss though carefree days. haha. like being scolded by teachers. making fun of the guys. just being in a class. university days are different. cause we don't have a class. we just move around freely haha. it was really a light-hearted movie. though it did not bring tears to my eyes, even though i thought it would, but i definetly left a deep impression on me. in particular, the lines that they said. the narration done by ke jing teng. the lead. hmm. a really good show.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
didn't manage to finish the post yesterday so i'm going to continue it today haha.
let me just start off with the SEA games. even though it was the exam period, i still found time off to tune in to the SEA games everyday haha. especially during the swimming segment cause there were two super hot boys (though younger than me unfortunately) haha. Joseph schooling and Jeremy matthews. oh man 16 and 17 years of age respectively. awesome stuff. Joseph totally set a new record fot the butterfly segment. jeremy was a silent backer. always coming out 2nd haha. like a silent winner. but just getting to see him on the podium was. woah. :) cause both of them were really just so cute. haha but i think the novelty has worn off. even though i still have that newspaper article kept somewhere with joseph's photo xp.

finals was an uphill battle. i had to motivate myself amidst the holiday mood. the start of the shcool holidays was the start of our exams. haha. quite thankful for yes 93.3fm as they accompanied me throughout this period. the songs played were really soothing and provided me with the reuqired entertainment. haha since i felt gulity for like.. switching on the telly or using the computer even though it was really neccessary sometimes like the lecturer posted some stuff online at the eleventh hour. haha. oh well. but looking back, i realised that i'm quite proud of myself for completing 5 2.5 hour papers haha. 40 mcq 2.5 hours is really of no joke!!! haha. hopefully the results would show. i really put in loads of effort. i was consistent!!! haha. :) really grateful to God who never gave up on me. as well as my Frolick buddy, kola, mark bro... everyone who really wished me haha. as well as my parents who took time off and really accomodating haha. i guess exam period is the time where i spent mostly with my parents. haha how weird. but anyways, just really thankful for everything. haha

i believe that i've grown during this period. not sure in what way.. but kind of have that setiment. haha i really cannot wait to enjoy this december holidays thoroughly. haha its good that bunny has started school. awesome that all of my good friends have been leading kind of meangingful lives :) haha nice to see them working towards their goal.

my current theme song for now is nicholas teo's bie zai jing dong ai qing. haha although there are many nice songs out there like hu xia's na xie nian, the main song for you are the apple of my eye. but i really like nic teo's song. haha

城市很大后来我走过海角天涯
城市有时会变小
小得你背影无法装下

最近好吗我怎么一时间无从回答
老朋友般的对话
表情却有一点复杂
像普通朋友一样融洽
礼貌的就请别再惊动爱情吧
不想再为一时感触
以后被相同诺言惩罚
再次付出代价

这几天这几月这几年我不怀念
这一刻这一分这一秒你在我前面
回忆多痛苦又被发现我不愿
我不要我不想在相同的地点搁浅
你的我的她的就请划清界线
我过得很好不要打扰
这一刻安静就好

城市很大拥有我的失败和伟大
城市有时会变小
小得无法把寂寞消化

就算假如当时你是他或者我是她
掌心的地图交叉
谁能保证看到彼岸花
像普通朋友一样融洽
礼貌的就请别再惊动爱情吧
不想再为一时感触
以后被相同诺言惩罚再次付出代价
这几天这几月这几年我不怀念
这一刻这一分这一秒你在我前面
回忆多痛苦又被发现我不愿
我不要我不想在相同的地点搁浅
你的我的她的就请划清界线
我过得很好不要打扰
这一刻安静就好

这几天这几月这几年我不怀念
这一刻这一分这一秒你在我前面
回忆多痛苦又被发现我不愿
我不要我不想在相同的地点搁浅
你的我的她的就请划清界线
我过得很好不要打扰
这一刻安静就好

this is another movie which i just watched online recently. ting shuo. it was really a touching movie.shed tears. especially at the part where the sisters fought. sisters love. aigoo~~ envious envious haha. maureen mama is going out with her sis today <3 aigoo. envious envious~~ haha. xP. hmm.. anyways...

you are the apple of my eye is really good. should go and watch it. i realised this:
如果你真喜欢一个人，你一定会要她幸福。

回想起来，我是真的喜欢你。所以我也希望你能幸福 :)

haha. really feel very carefree now :) well. although the only care in the world now is studies and how to live a meaningful life haha. i'll look forward to everyday! fighting!
(suddenly feel like changing blogskin. haha :P)

所谓的厉害，就是……

“让这个世界，因为有了我，会有一点点差别。”

=do something right=

stronger. firmer. nu abo~

2011-10-25T21:31:00.004+08:00

this week is all about decisions.
i just completed one: i s/u-ed my econs. i trust that it would be a wise choice. my confidence in econs is literally... lesser than 0.5% haha. i will not let anything affect my cGPA i guess. uni is really tough haha :) next up is hall. i'm able to get one hall. hall 2 but.. not sure if its a wise choice to stay. for once. just for one sem. hmm. i like the experience but its quite expensive. $720 is not cheap. haha. plus i need to study and all!! jia you! i think i need to take a look at the surroundings first haha :)

had a great time watching the 3 muskerteers with kola yesterday!! <3 free move ticket plus 3-D haha. nice show. the best thing is that it is only out tmr!! haha but i watched it two days before!! awesome haha :)

i really need to be stronger, more firm and decisive. reports are piling up. my health needs to be in-check and geared up for the finals! haha

if my role model can do it, so can i. hehe. yupyup the self-motivated. ever down to earth and 4-dimensional seohyun!

jia you!! haha :) i believe that God will guide me. i will not have any worries jia you!! hehe ~ woo~

been hooked on this song: f(x)'s Nu ABO haha it means new blood type so cool!!

[LUNA] Hey~
[AMBER] Yo!

[KRYSTAL] Na eoddeokkhaeyo eonni
Nae mareul deureobwa
Nae geusarameul eonni
Moreugesseoyo

[LUNA] Cham eongddunghada mannal
Naman nolliji
Naega jeongmal yebbeo
Geureongdamyeon dwae

[SULLI] Dogchangjeog byeolmyeong jitgi
Yyereul deulmyeon gungdi sundi
Mame deureo son beonjjag deulgi
Jeongmal nan NU ABO

MYSTERY MYSTERY
Molla Molla ajig naneun Molla
Gibon Gibon saranggongshig
Saramdeure ibyeolgongshig
HYSTERIC HYSTERIC
Dalla Dalla naneun neomu Dalla
Nae mamdaero nae ddeutdaero
Choha Choha NU ABO

Na Na Na Na Na~ NU ABO

[AMBER] Nae mal deureobwayo eonni
I'm in the trance
Jigeum I gamjeongeun mwojyo
Nan cheoeuminde

[VICTORIA] Gaseum dugeundugeun machi
Ggumgguneundeut
Nan geureum wireul dungdung
Sarangingabwa

[SULLI] Ddeog sebeon ssaweobogi
Heyeojilddae insa anhgi
Bogo shipheun na saenggag deulddaen
Kheopheulling manjyeobogi
MYSTERY MYSTERY
Molla Molla ajig naneun Molla
Gibon Gibon saranggongshig
Saramdeure ibyeolgongshig
HYSTERIC HYSTERIC
Dalla Dalla naneun neomu Dalla
Nae mamdaero nae ddeutdaero
Choha Choha NU ABO

Na Na Na Na Na~ NU ABO

[KRYSTAL] Sarange bbajingeon neomu meotjin irinde
Namane gamjeongeun mot ijeul geurero gatneungeol, yeah

[LUNA] Saereobge jom thige machi ggumeul khiweoganeungeot
MYSTERY ABO Geureon modu da neoyingeol
Baro neorangeol, oh~
What you, what you call, what you, what you, what you call?

[AMBER] Yes, this is how we do it, our love F(x) (Yeah! Yeah! )
Yeah, this is how we do it, pure love F(x) (Yeah! Yeah! )
Yeah, this is how we do it, brand new love F(x), uh!

[LUNA] Ireon moseub eoddae ige naingeol eoddeoghae
Naye gyeoten nega isseo theugbyeolhangeonde, yeah

MYSTERY MYSTERY
Molla Molla ajig naneun Molla
Gibon gibon saranggongshig
Saramdeure ibyeolgongshig
HYSTERIC HYSTERIC
Dalla Dalla naneun neomu Dalla
Nae mamdaero nae ddeutdaero
Choha Choha NU ABO

Na Na Na Na Na~ NU ABO

lab reports and finals!! haha jia you!!
looking forward to spooktacular on friday!.

=do something right=

19

2011-10-19T11:19:00.001+08:00

yesterday was one of the happiest. yet saddest day of my life.
my birthday. it held so much meanging for me.
one year older. one year wiser. one year more mature. one year to becoming an adult.
can i actually live up to those expectations?

the day started off with 'raise your glass' playing on the radio. the perfect song to set me in the right mood that my birthday has finally arrived. the present that my mum left on the dresser was a bright green monkey decorated card and a pair of earrings. on my phone to be welcomed by multiple smses from sec sch friends, jc mates and of course uni peeps. really touched that they remembered. took me a while to reply. anways. rushed to school for lab. li hui wished me haha. cause we took the same bus.. for the second consecutive time in a row. wonder if we'd be on the same bus later haha. got a present from manly rabbit and kola. haha really love them lots. birthday wishes from wei zhou and pretty silin. haha headed to the com lab for lab. wishes from mark and ian. haha.

something happened after lab. i received a call. apparently from my service provider--- who said that i didn't pay my bill for 4 months!!!!! it sounded really incredulous. more of a prank call. then i found out it was the 91.3fm dj!! andre who called haha and rod who called to wish me a happy birthday!! i was really surprised!! i couldn't believe it!! haha it was really memorable. but i forgot to ask him to impersonate numtak's voice.but still it was awesome. not sure when would it be on air. haha didn't get to hear it. anyways. they gave me 2 songs to choose from: train's this is love and linkin park's numb. haha. i chose numb in the end cause it appealed to me more at that point of time.

headed to the resource room after hanging up. the magnets were all lined up waiting for me. haha they celebrated my birthday right there and then outside the resource room. haha really fun. i got my present from the rest. bro.hamster.reen mama. even the boys prepared a card for me!!!!!!!!!! i was really really touched!!! haha. really one of the best presents. ever.

the day dragged on with biz law. and the mood dampened as it rained. haha hang out at reen mama's hall and met her pretty roomie michelle hhaha super smart too. anyways set off to jp for dinner with some of the magnets :)

sweson was chosen. haha cause no other ideas lol. dinner started off great. the laughter was contagious. really glad to have met the magnets haha. don't know what i'd do without them. then my teacher sms me saying the i failed my exam.. by 5 marks. it was my pieces that pulled me down. aigoo!!. what a huge blow. my mood immediately went down hill. the first thought was like. oh no. then.. how am i going to tell my parents before progressing on to... can i cope if i retake... i'm not even doing well in sch... then i must not cry. i must not cry. but in the end i still broke down there and then. which was.. aigoo~~ on my birthday.

sigh.. i cried alot. ya. htht session was kind of slow ahd tough. but ya.. i guess i'm still a girl with lots of insecurities towards my future. cause i really don't know if i'd do well. i'm not really gifted in anthing.. or i don't really know what's my gift and purpose on earth yet. though it has been 19years. well i think i just have to continue my search. may the LORD lead and guide me.

thank you all who spent my 19th birthday with me plus the well wishes thank you!

=do something right=

aigoo~

2011-10-15T10:45:00.003+08:00

whoever said uni life was going to be a breeze? that's a total fabricated unsupported statement.
uni life imo is even worst than jc. at least in jc you get the help of your CT. in uni, you are completely on your own. you would be lucky if some profs actually took time off just to set down a timing for consultation. i'm begnning to feel the stress. the pressure, that i do not belong in uni. maybe that's why only certain people with certain grades are able to enter uni.looking at my friends around me, i cannot help but feel stress. even though i work hard, but sometimes results just aren't showing. take yesterday's test for example. i'm praying real hard that i'll pass the test. you might think it was easy, all multiple choices. but i made 2 careless mistakes. namely a chem valence ques wrong. i cannot even tell the difference between subshell and outermost shell!! what is this!! plus anticodon for mRNA why in the world would a Thymine pop out. it should be Uracil! aigoo. wonder what is happening to me. if i cannot even get the single mulitple questions correct, i can forget about the notorious multiple multiple ones. there's a lot to do. lab reports are due one week after another. i have my cca committments. i really miss my other schooling lives. i put my job on hold just for my studies. in addition, ms tay has her one-month old celebratory party tmr. i'm wondering if i should even go. o.O i know... i should be i still need to give a present and i haven't even start making it. i have too much on my mind lately. like seriously. i need a breather. but ironically. even if i have a breather, i'll still be too worried about my studies to think about anything else. somehow i cannot wait for finals to cover up my horrendous grades. but i need to be prepared for it. aigoo. seriously. i'm starting to lose faith. maybe it's because i'm sort of putting studies first instead of God and he's sending me a wake-up call. not to compromise him for other stuff because he is the most important. hmmm. i need to bear that in mind then. i must not miss church no matter how tired or how much work i have. time management has not been my forte but for my studies, i have to try. i did study hard. study smart. jia you. at least i put in effort and tried my best. that's my only consolation. sometimes i need to tell this to someone. but i know that everyone has their own problems. if i find them, i'd only be a burden to them. some would say that my problem is easily solved. just study harder. ya. i need to quantify what is harder. i think till i know everything. i like being a mugger. makes me feel a sense of accomplishment. but..... i'm a mugger without results. aigoo~ oh wells. jia you ba.

i was thinking yesterday (before school while waiting for the bus) i haven't blog about this before. it was what happened between Tsf and me. like our friendship broke earlier this year. because of some stuff. i kind of miss our friendship. haha i remembered G throthling her in primary and many of the girls (including me) were furious. being just pri 1. we reported it to the teacher. ya.. and we consoled Tsf. i still remember that scene of Tsf crying. after so many years... i finally found out what happened that led to G strangling her. we talked about it and laughed. that day at pepper lunch. i'd remember. it was really like old friends meeting up after so long. so cool. aigoo~ but now its like.. she's a totally changed person. maybe not to other, but to me. it's saddening. i'd give most probably anything to get back to where we were. sometimes i feel like erasing the part on what caused us to drift apart. on what caused me to look for her. i just want all of it to fade away and just leave our friendship there. even now... i still kept my promise to her. i didn't sms him since that time. but i understand how things work. like what others say. trust is like a white piece of paper. even its crumpled, it cannot be ironed out and perfect again. that's how friendship is like. once a bubble is broken, there's no way you can recreate a new one. i really really like her. aigoo~ i guess that's that ba. i cannot do anything now.

during breakfast just now. i realised just how much i miss my secondary sch life. even though i didn't do really well to get into an awesome jc. but still those 4 years were the most memorable ones of my life. especially secondary 2. feeling really really down yesterday night. i suddenly thought of secondary 2. where when i got back my results and sometimes it wasn't as good as what i expected, i'd keep silent for that day. lin, jw, sharon, des, neth, mei, all of them would try to cheer me up. haha they would say i'm influencing their mood. haha like being down and everything. oh man i really miss them. i really really do. even though sec sch was the hiongest time but i had fun. those times hanging out in the classroom on the 4th floor. in the library till its closing time. time spent doing nonsensical stuff at my house. every single detail of it. i miss it. if given a choice. i wouldn't change anything. secondary 2. <3 it was that period where i was at my optimum. its so different from uni now. yes, people do console me like cheer up and stuff. but the feeling isn't the same anymore. i get the feel that we pretty much mind our own businesses. the only way to get connected is through fb. that's all. what about those that don't go fb often? Mark bro do try to get us together through dinners and stuff. but still sometimes... only those that stay in hall are more bonded. in secondary sch. all of us go home. when we have a problem, we actually CALL. not sms. talking on the phone is so much better to thrash things out. or to discuss things. sometimes. i feel pretty left out without staying in hall. its like everyone is so happening. everyone thinks that those who go home would actually study. sometimes they are wrong. we take about 1 hr to get home. by the time we reach home, there'd only be enough time to shower and then sleep. next morning we have to wake up extra early just to get to sch. i'm not complaining or whining here. i'm just putting down facts. haha. yes we don't get ot htht often and know other stuff unless we try to make an effort to squeeze it out from others. in the end i think i'd get tired of it ba. haha and just let it be. i don't know. the whole feel is just different. they say friends that you make in uni would be the ones you keep for life. i hope that that's true. but i'll not neglect the people i met in secondary school/jc. i know i'm not as good as everyone else. but i guess i have to keep trying. as they say when the going gets tough, the tough gets going. i may not have a s much committements as others as well as not as much brain juice as others, but i believe that God will help me. i have to rely on him and myself ba.

am i even mature? since i keep thinking of these stuff. hmm... o.O something to ponder about. maybe for the time being.. i won't be so high. just keep to myself. don't think anyone would know the difference. i'd always bottle things up. haha.

God bless us!

=do something right=

goguma!!!!

2011-10-12T10:02:00.001+08:00

woah, i haven't been updating for a long time. just one word to describe it . busy. haha. there's really too much to do. i think i have to quit my job soon. there goes my income hmm... anyways, i'll post some pictures to tell you the gist of what was happening in my recreational life.hhaha recreational cause my free time has been spent on the web and the telly . :) aigoo~

ahh webber, vettel and button. although not in that winner's order haha :) yup the F1 grand prix officially ended its Singapore night race about 2-3 wekeks ago. haha love it :) haha vettel is seriously awesome although i think button's more handsome haha :P

awesomeness!! haha seohyun and yonghwa forever!!! haha <3 <3 <3 haha i got hooked onto WGM season 2's goguma couple!! haha 50 epidsodes were devoured straight in 2 days.. 12 hours each >< sianness then the guiltiness built up haha lol. anyways, i really like the way how Seohyun thinks :) even though she's only 20. but really. she works hard and thinks about her future. loves books, is philosophical. like really.. awwww. she has become my role model!! haha i believe that if i put in hard work, i'll strive and do well even if it seems impossible haha :) really two thumbs up for Seohyun!! haha <3 haha yonghwa is just really talented and funny haha :) his voice is super good and after watching the show, it just makes me fall in love with C.N blue even more haha. then super sweet stuff he did. was like... o.O i also want!!!! haha hopefully my future bf would be like that. must always think of cute and sweet stuff to surprise me =X lol that's too much to ask for isn't it haha :) oh wells. aigoo~~ haha :P

hmm.. other stuff that happened. just went for GL interview lol. it wasn't a simple interview but definitely easier and more fun than main com haha had to go a cheer to impress the 7 interviewers there haha. oki. i got in :) :) haha well, need to jia you for studies already. just being average haha :) hmm... met someone new which was uber awesome!!! haha :) :) so far, that's about my life.. oh!!! Ms Tay has given birth btw haha :) piano exam results aren't out yet though =X feeling the heat. from tmr onwards, it would be 1 month since my exam haha :) hmm. i think that's about all. to everyone out there, take care all right :)

=do something right=

我觉得我已经不在呼了

out of sight out of mind

2011-09-24T19:49:00.000+08:00

been pretty much the same for the past few days.
but the good thing is that i have one person making my day happy :) hmm.. starting from thursday. haha cause it was lab day. jia ni's first lab!!! haha i love having bao yi and her as my lab partner. bao yi is super cute!!! jia ni is super funny haha lab noob with dumb lab partner! :) whee~ haha
jia ni was kola-ing me the entire lab session!!! haha her little limbs were wrapped round my tree bark thick left leg cause i was standing up haha :) it was oki. she's relaly light anyways. BUT BUT BUT the highlight of the day was when she wore the gloves the wrong way!!! haha :) :) :) she still asked me the gloves got side or not? i'm was like huh at first? like no. then i realised what she meant. haha she kept saying her thumb feels tight and then i saw it--- she wore the glove in the superimposable way!! haha her thumb could actually fit into the compartment where the little finger was supposed to be!! like what!! haha joke or the day. haha but i cannot spread it. so here i am posting it here xD since no one read my blog so yeah :)

this is irritating. i typed everything i wanted to say.. like the thoughts just flowed then blogger had to hang and i have to retype>< so.. what i typed below would be hopefully a good replicate. haha

thursday night wasn't good.. got woken up by my feelings. yup :( somehow just couldn't sleep. it was super overwhelming. haha been a while already. i kind of marvel at how everything seems to be able to go on as if nothing has happened. study.work.cca. but when i'm alone or on the bus or just staring into space, it is as if everything is different. of course when i'm immersed in something, at that point of time or that period, i'll be happy and enjoying myself. but when i really stop sometimes. i realised that. everything has changed. i guess just is what it means that life goes on. it's still hard to snap out of it. i have no idea why i have this notion of thought. like others could recover so fast. but i'm still lagging behind. i know that my favourite age is 18 as it has all the memories in it. i know that i said i would like to say 18 forever. but no, not this way. not stuck in the past. i just want to remember what i did at 18. the feelings i know i would not be able to relieve them over again. that's why i'm afraid. i'm afraid that when they get married, i'll still be there. that scares me. it really does. just the thought of it.that's why i have to get out of it. like sheldon, who's willing to type 'go north. go north . go north' 3 times when he's stuck in the forest. i have to keep pushing? i don't know. i guess i really miss the feeling. i have a best friend, good/close/great friends. a bestie. but my buddy spot is still opened. it has been reserved. i still want to get back. to carry on. i still yearn for that friendship. but ironically, i cannot escape from the feeling of running away. of avoidance. as much as i want the buddy-ship to go on. it is like a reflex. to push everything and anything away. of just thinking negative stuff which may or may not be true. maybe. someday. reflect. wander.think. hibernate.

yesterday, jia ni and gang went for the second round of the sentosa race. haha and it was the team's mvp, basil huang who made me day :) or night to be correct haha :P cause he asked me why i didn't want tp join the race and i said that i didn't want to pull the team down. he answered saying that won't happen because he's there. he's the team's best anchor, star and mvp haha :) super funny :) i'm really thankgul towards God for letting me meet the magneto peeps and be part of magneto. cause i know that even though i may not take part in all of their activites, at least i know i'm not alone :) really love them alot alot :)

(i just found out that blogger does not auto-save as regualrly any more :( like what!!)

anyways, today, my mum made my day-- joke of the day: killing 1 bird with 2 stones! haha took me a while to grasp it haha. it all started because i was wearling a black tee and my mum said it made me look slim and fair, thus killing 1 bird with 2 stones. i was like huh?? shouldn't it be kill 2 birds with one stone? her reasoning: i'm the bird -.-

been hooked on glee's version of somebody to love and sing :) and then there's lady antebellum's need you now. haha this song brings back weird memories.... its some hypothesis that.. i'm not willing to test, lest of the answer.. i don't know :P (if you don't get it, just ignore what i typed and focus on the song titles will do )
finally found that song that has been nagging my mind---jls eyes wide shut.
here are the lyrics:

They say that some things are too good to be true,
But I just hope they ain't talking about you,
I heard that everything must come to an end,
But I just can't imagine me without you,
Me without you,
Yeahhhhhh...

JLS Tinie Tempah

Don't tell me I'm dreaming,
Cause if I've been dreaming,
I don't ever want to wake up,
So in love with this feeling,
Tonight I'll be sleeping
Sleeping with my eyes wide shut,

Cause I don't want to wake up,
Wake up wake up,
I don't want to wake up,
Wake up wake up,
So in love with this feeling,
Tonight I'll be sleeping,
Sleeping with my eyes wide shut,

Out of sight they say out of mind,
But your image will remain till the end of time,
I'm strong but hearts are easy to break,
Don't want to fall if there ain't no one to catch me,
Me without you,
Me without you,
Oh I don't ever want to wake up,

Don't tell me I'm dreaming,
Cause if I've been dreaming,
I don't ever want to wake up,
So in love with this feeling,
Tonight I'll be sleeping,

Sleeping with my eyes wide shut,

Cause I don't want to wake up,
Wake up wake up,
I don't want to wake up,
Wake up wake up,
So in love with this feeling,
Tonight I'll be sleeping,
Sleeping with my eyes wide shut,

Rap

I never wanna get out bed,
If I could rearrange the alphabet ,
It would be U, I, JLS, BA to J,F,K then L,A,X,
Yeah we's a match made,
Got me looking forward to it like a Saturday,
HaHa
Babe, tonight's about us,
I Got my Ray Bans on and my eyes wide shut,

Everybody everywhere throw your hands in the air say yeah say yeah,
Go on put your hands high if you ain't sleeping tonight say yeah, yeah.

Tonight I'll be sleeping,

Don't tell me I'm dreaming,
Cause if I've been dreaming,
I don't ever want to wake up,
So in love with this feeling,
Tonight I'll be sleeping
Sleeping with my eyes wide shut,

Cause I don't want to wake up,
Wake up wake up,
I don't want to wake up,
Wake up wake up,
So in love with this feeling,
Tonight I'll be sleeping,
Sleeping with my eyes wide shut,

Everybody everywhere throw your hands in the air say yeah say yeah,
Go on put your hands high if you ain't sleeping tonight say yeah, yeah.

Sleeping with my eyes wide shut

absolutely adore this show :) especially lee seung ki <3 haha he's like..one of the few guys i think who looks good without specs..(for the record.. most korean guys look cute without specs haha but s'pore guys.. more with specs) yes, i do have a fetishfor guys in specs :/ haha the show is really good. teaches us the mooney is theroot of all evil. parents are willing to do anything for their children. nevergive up hope. sometimes you need to lose something to know its importance.etc.etc all the morals!! awesome :) haha.

'it's a quarter after 1. i'm so high that i can'tsleep now~~ '
ring a bell?
i guess. my heart just doesn't want to leave thepast. ><

all the best for the week people!!! :) take careyo!!
btw, grand prix is tonight!! go button, webber, vettel haha :)

=do something right=

nani nani~~

2011-09-20T19:26:00.003+08:00

did you know that watching television can change your perspective on things in life? haha
watched primeval and soccer last night with my parents. initially i came home early to catch the emmys and guess. after news it was primeval. at first i thought i was going to be this scary sci-fi show, the genre which i certianly do NOT enjoy haha. its somewhat like fringe. and fringe to me is confusing and everything. although ironically, fringe science sounds fun :) science itself sounds fun to me when its practical and stuff.. theory is more or less dry but you need it in order to understand how things work, so its pretty much all interlinked into one broad-based subject. anyways, primeval was kind of cool, it turned out. the episode was about this radical which can spread and turn humans into monsters.. if you so much as to touch is or breathe the spores in. it is scary yet mind-boggling as the characters had to find a way to deal with the monsters and save the whole of london. haha
at first they tried heat. it almost seemed like it worked.. but then it turns out it'll cause the monster to explode and instead spread the radical to every individual more quickly. so they tried some chemicals and it didn't work. the only thing that worked... (after they found it out by accident and in a nervous fit) cooling it. the have to freeze the creature and the spores. yup. first they had to lure the creature into the ice room using carbon dioxide (mainly found in fire extinguishers) haha. quite scary when the climax was reached. you should watched it for yourself. the monsters aren't exactly scary.. just that the spores they spread are disgusting and when you're covered in them, double yucks. haha
after primeval, it was soccer. mu v chelsea.(i think i started using v instead of vs after attending business law) haha :) anyways, at the start, i did not see the point of watching 22 men run after one little ball made up of hexagons. so oki... i was a little reluctant to watch it anyways, but after the commentary i saw.. yup saw it on fb last night thanks to meng meng and ian haha i was kind of curious. the way they kept shouting nani nani nani!! i was like.. was it that good? before the game i already knew that manu beat chelsea 3-1, and the 3 goals were scored in the first half. just nice, i can watch the goals before i give in to the z monster. the first goal was a header. haha little funny. but the second goal was just awesome. beautifully timed and with just a little luck, it went into the corner of the goal post. ravishing. i'm serious haha the goal by nani was superb. i went to sleep after that.
right, so back the point i made at the beginning of this post. watching television can undoubtedly change my perspective on some things in life. that is to never judge a show by its cover. primeval can actually show you what may/may not happen in the near future when the world becomes even more techno savvy, the bacteria and viruses get even more potent. but it all boils down to the roots. the fundementals. take the disease in primeval-- it was kind of like some rare contagious disease passed from the past to humans. but at the end of the day, the radicals still behaved like some of the creature in present days. like fungi. they respond to heat, light, energy, temperature the way fungi do. for example, people who got infected tend to hide away from sunlight and run to damp, dirty, cold and wet places. their response to heat is to explode to give them impression that they have disintegrate, only to migrate to another area and continue their habitation and infection. another thing primeval taught me is to never give up hope. like the characters Conner and Jenny, they tried all means and method, even risking their lives to find a cure.so you have to keep trying.
>< blogger just went bersek and i have to typed what i just typed a few minutes ago.. all over again. sian!!!
anyways, let me just skipped to soccer. oki, so actually i watched it for pure enjoyment sake.just wanted to do something with my dad... and under the i fluence of meng meng and ian... thanks to the live commentary i SAW on fb chat on monday night, haha i was quite curious to whatever goal they were talking about. but i'm gald i caught the goal by nani 17' haha it was nice. i don't thin anyone could attempt that goal. it flew right into the left i think from my side. of the goal post, creating a little parabola when it was in the air. awesome!!! haha the jubilantion that came after it was cool too when nani did a cartwheel or a bicycle wheel :) glee. haha it was kind of fun. bestie gave me a heads up that if my future bf was ever a football fan, i should not try to stop him from switching on the telly everytime a soccer game comes on. haha i think i'll relent if its the world cup.. but for EPL.. hmmm i'll think about it :P still don't really understand the male mind in this aspect, getting high and excited over watching other men running across the field... its not exactly the sound of music is it? haha :P
well, that's about it folks. been having the flu today, but getting better cause i need to go and run tmr!!! yayness!!! :) :)
regarding my take on tv changing perspective on life, you may disagree and feel that only documentaries are educational or watching other dramas like glee :) hehe i love glee. still having glee hangover... which is nice. absolutely love the songs!!! haha :) well, i have no qualms about that. cheerios~

me: buddy buddy buddy
you: na ni na ni na ni
(laughs)
i miss it

=do something right=

have you ever been alone in a crowded room?

2011-09-18T22:49:00.000+08:00

the feeling's back.. terrible terrible >< shouldn't let my thoughts run wild. maybe its because its coming to that time of the month. i don't know.
but the truth is, the feeling is still there. that's why i've been avoiding alot. alot alot. running away.
the ironic thing is no matter how hard i try, everything still reminds me of everything. >< this shouldn't be the way clare. jia you!! you need to live with it!! jia you!!

hmmm.. talking about happy things, i've finished my piano quest. phew. haha stress is off. plus i cut my hair!! like finally!! haha :) really like my hair cut. looks like a little mushroom :) awwwws haha :)

last week was meeting up week. met up with the gorgeous yin san haha :) her eyeliner looks nice really enhances her eyes plus she wore contacts so yeah :) frolicked :P
yesterday went out to orchard with bestie :) haha to celebrate my conquest! haha nice to have a great bestie. haha jia ni your thoughts don't run wild ah haha :)

recess week is coming. i'm so going to line myself up with studies and work. just like the holidays. busy busy busy.

mum hasn't been well, so i really hope that father God will hear my prayer and heal her so that she can recover quickly <3 love you lots mummy!!! jia you!!

hmmm... i just realised that i haven't mature much during this period of time. on the contrary, i think i've grown more immature haha. my behaviour is more or less like a little girl and i'm mostly too engrossed in my world to notice the people around me. i may be that youngest but i hope to think more instead of just looking at stuff on the surface. i don't want to be superficial, with neither brains nor brawns haha. although i just want to be me. but maybe just for this once, i want to change. just this once :)

i'll be fun to keep quiet for once and just listen :) bestie say i'm always very hyped up, even in the mornings well.. occasionally i hear jetlag on the radio or move like jagger. haha so what do you want me to do?? :) hehe :) nice haha. maybe tmr i'll hear raise your glass <3 glee hangover.. still on haha :)

entertainment updates: done with hayate the combat bulter!!! both of them looks super cute together!! ahh!!!! cannont help it <3 haha
brilliant legacy is nice too!!! <3 don't mine watching it again and again and again haha :)

i know i'm still running away. but while i'm running, i'm still looking back. hurting my neck.in the end what do i end up with? ><

I'm standin' on the bridge
I'm waitin' in the dark
I thought that you'd be here by now
There's nothing but the rain
No footsteps on the ground
I'm listening but there's no sound

Isn't anyone tryin' to find me?
Won't somebody come take me home?
It's a damn cold night
I'm tryin' to figure out this life
Won't you take me by the hand?
Take me somewhere new
I don't know who you are
But I'm, I'm with you
I'm with you
Hmm hmm hmm

I'm looking for a place
I'm searching for a face
Is anybody here I know?
'Cause nothing's going right
And everything's a mess
And no one likes to be alone

Isn't anyone tryin' to find me?
Won't somebody come take me home?
It's a damn cold night
I try to figure out this life
Won't you take me by the hand?
Take me somewhere new
I don't know who you are
But I'm, I'm with you
I'm with you
Yea yea

Oh, why is everything so confusing?
Maybe I'm just out of my mind
Yea eee yeah, yea eee yeah
Yea yee yea, yea eee yeah,yeah

It's a damn cold night
Tryin' to figure out this life
Won't you take me by the hand?
Take me somewhere new
I don't know who you are
But I'm, I'm with you, yea
I'm with you, yea

Take me by the hand
Take me somewhere new
I don't know who you are
But I'm, I'm with you, yea
I'm with you, yea

Take me by the hand
Take me somewhere new
I don't know who you are
But I'm, I'm with you, oh
I'm with you
I'm with you
*
Right right, turn off the lights,
We’re gonna lose our minds tonight,
What’s the deal yo?

I love when it’s all too much,
5am turn the radio up
Where’s the rock and roll?

Party Crasher,
Penny Snatcher,
Call me up if you a gangsta
Don’t be fancy, just get dancy
Why so serious?

So raise your glass if you are wrong,
In all the right ways,
All my underdogs,
We will never be never be anything but loud
And nitty gritty dirty little freaks
Won’t you come on and come on and raise your glass,
Just come on and come on and raise your glass

Slam slam, oh hot damn
What part of party don’t you understand,
Wish you’d just freak out
Can’t stop, coming in hot,
I should be locked up right on the spot
It’s so on right now

Party Crasher,
Penny Snatcher,
Call me up if you a gangsta
Don’t be fancy, just get dancy
Why so serious?

So raise your glass if you are wrong,
In all the right ways,
All my underdogs,
We will never be never be anything but loud
And nitty gritty dirty little freaks
Won’t you come on and come on and raise your glass,
Just come on and come on and raise your glass
Won’t you come on and come on and raise your glass,
Just come on and come on and raise your glass

(Oh no my glass is empty, that s**k*)
So if you’re too school for cool,
And you’re treated like a fool,
You can choose to let it go
We can always, we can always,
Party on our own

(So raise your) So raise your glass if you are wrong,
In all the right ways,
All my underdogs,
We will never be never be anything but loud
And nitty gritty, dirty little freaks
So raise your glass if you are wrong,
In all the right ways,
All my underdogs,
We will never be never be anything but loud
And nitty gritty, dirty little freaks
Won’t you come on and come on and raise your glass,
Just come on and come on and raise your glass
Won’t you come on and come on and raise your glass,(for me)
Just come on and come on and raise your glass (for me)

=do something right=
i still think of you.almost all the time ><

'the day you became a stranger was the day you left my world.'

2011-09-12T23:20:00.002+08:00

piano exam's tmr. mark's birthday is tmr. frolick is tmr.

tmr.

panicked.

scream.

it'll be over soon.

'the day you became a stranger was the day you left my world.'
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

quotes from everlasting :) done with the book, done with the series :)

the immortals. where true immortality lies not in the immortality of the flesh, but of the soul :)

the two of us refusing to look back, knowing it's better to look forward, toward the future, than to long for a past that's gone forever.

still despite my efforts, all i get is a blurry hologram. like a shadowy mirage that could represent a village and its people, but could just as easily be something else entirely.

'you journeys begin here. where it ends is for you to discover.'
'trust. believe. it is the only way to proceed.'

my fingers grasping, yearning, reaching for him, and though he moves fast,its not fast enough to keep our fingers from just barely grazing, the tips lightly brushing as our gaze briefly meets. and the next thing i know, i can't stop it.
i'm yanked out of his reach.
lost in the swirl.
hurtling into an unknown place-into an unknown time.
aware that he is here-somewhere-but unable to find him.
already making the trip back.
way back.
back to the very beginning

'it is the plight of man. and while the blame lies partly on the river, most of the blame lies on the man's inclination to tune into the noise that blares all around him, instead of the beautiful silence that lies deep within.'
i gaze out at the river, turning the words around in my head, realizing how they mirror everything i just learned. we spend our lives getting caught up in all the wrong things-led astray by our minds, our egos seeing ourselves as separate from each other, rather than listening to the truth that lies within our hearts, the truth that we are all connected, we are all in it together.

when the student is ready, the teacher appears.
'it is the same with knowledge. the truth is revealed when you are ready yo receive it, when you need it in order to move forward, to take the next step in your journey, to move toward your destiny.'

fear
its the opposite of faith
the opposite of trusting in the universe.
the opposite of believing in one's higher self.
fear leaves you sweaty and shaky and insecure enough to question everything you know to be true.
fear makes you turn your back on what matters most.
resulting in rash decisions, false moves and later, the unrelenting burden of regret.

the universe is abundant-that it offers us all that we need-that the only shortages that exist are the ones we create in our minds.

=do something right=

get it right

2011-09-01T23:29:00.000+08:00

i cannot say that i'm no disappointed.
disappointed that i'm unable to plan a decent event,
disappointed that i would not be able to wear that blazer to take a nice photo.
disappointed that i would be able to work with my friends.
this opportunity was a golden one. shining brightly in every single shade of gold you can imagine.

i gave it my best shot. i didn't give it up. but in the end, i fell.
its oki i guess. haha. though it got me to switch to inferior mode.

actually the person who got me thinking about this inferior thing was void... cause. i always had to try to sort of 'live up to his expectations' even though he already has a goddess in mind. i really had to fight hard just to make an impression. in the end, i fell to. and fell badly. wounded, hurt, limped. any word you can think of to describe injury. in addition, void's goddess was doing pretty well too.

ya, i can go on about all my setbacks and stuff, but hey, i really don't want to infuse my blog with all the negativity. i really got to get back up. yes, i may not be good but i'm not perfect. i don't have to please everyone.i just want to be myself. be sincere. be happy. that is the motto i live by. if you have a problem with me, just tell me straight, i don't mind construactive feedback. i really don't. but you need to give me a valid reason to change. haha yupyup :)

i really want to thank bestie for helping me lots. even though i'm not really in a good mood. still being very accomodating to tolerate me... but please don't be so nice to me next time. really. really. i don't want anything bad to happen to our friendship. by the means of bad.. its more of my problem.. since you're so simple-mind :p haha but yeah.

everything happens for a reason. so i should thank God that he had planned out his route for me... since i'm not meant to get my SPO co-opt, its oki :) hopefully the guy would be able to do a better job. even though i don't get to work with bestie and ni, just hope that i can help in other ways. still considering hon gen sub-comm.. sounds quite hiong but yeah.. hiong my 'hidden' middle name.i'm not fantastic, good or awesome, i just like the hiong feeling haha.

but i really want to thank GOD here for giving me supportive parents and great friend that even though my circle of friends is a few small ones, but we are tightlu-knitted which makes it even better. i don't mind making new friends as well though haha :) it's oki. really just want to thank everyone especially God, for guiding me :) yeah yeah. haha

ccas are going to start soon. i want to enjoy them.. hmm.. right now studies are kind of killing me, guess i need to work super hard. plus juggling 13 sept. ah!!!!! all i can say is bring it on!! haha

clare, you have to keep rocking!!! HWAITING!

=do something right=
did you change me?? i don't want to know.

rock, paper, scissors, lizard, spock!

2011-08-21T22:25:00.000+08:00

the date is out.. less than 3weeks to go!! :S oh man.. not sure if i can take the heat. haha i have to practice extra hard. trying to practice everyday :) really have to do my best and stand on my two feet! need to recee the place and book it. haha studio 18!! my fav number so it's a sign by God that i'm going to do well? haha beginning and end :) jia you!!. anyways, i think i'll just go for SBS main com! via interview instead of election. a bit tired of rallying.. as i mentioned in my earlier post. then i'll go for auditions and beginner classes. hopefully i can accomodate my work too. push myself. keep pushing then i'll grow up!! haha :)

for the record: big bang theory rocks big time!! haha it is really able to perk me up and i can open my mouth W--ID---E and laugh haha.:)
other stuff to catch would be korean drama : brilliant legacy or shinning inheritance :) nice show. haha

i'm quite looking forward to business law tutorial and lecture.. sounds like some debating class. haha see how it goes.. but i got a feeling i'll be a quiet church mouse in class.. cause i don't know if what i did was right haha :) oki. that's all jia you! xD

oki. intro song.. actually quite a lot of new songs haha..
GLEE!

What have I done? I wish I could run.
Away from this ship going under
Just trying to help, hurt everyone else
Now I feel the weight of the world is
On my shoulders

What can you do when your good isn't good enough?
When all that you touch tumbles down?
'Cause my best intentions keep making a mess of things
I just wanna fix it somehow
But how many times will it take?
Oh, how many times will it take for me?
To get it right
To get it right

Can I start again with my faith shaken?
'Cause I can't go back and undo this
I just have to stay and face my mistakes
But if I get stronger and wiser
I'll get through this

What can you do when your good isn't good enough?
When all that you touch tumbles down?
'Cause my best intentions keep making a mess of things
I just wanna fix it somehow
But how many times will it take?
Oh, how many times will it take for me?
To get it right

So I throw up my fist
Throw a punch in the air
And accept the truth, that sometimes life isn't fair
Yeah, I'll send down a wish
Yeah, I'll send up a prayer
And finally, someone will see
How much I care

What can you do when your good isn't good enough?
When all that you touch tumbles down?
Oh my best intentions keep making a mess of things
I just wanna fix it somehow
But how many times will it take?
Oh, how many times will it take?
To get it right
To get it right.

=do something right=
i still realise that i'm not over you.

you're gonna have a good day:D

2011-08-19T00:02:00.000+08:00

school cca day has just ended.. its timie to make a decision. haha this time i'm not rallying for sbs main com!! haha but i might go for co-opt interview under special project officier :) God please guide me..
events coming up are the welcome tea... but.. there's so many things to want to join!! i want the hiong spririt back!! come on!! give it to me!!.. strings orchestra-- i want to learn either the violin or viola.. but i'm thinking viola is not a bad idea either :P oki.. then piano ensemble audition is on friday.. 5.40pm.. 23rd tuesday there's the salt and light christian fellowship i might want to attend. went for wsc talk today which lasted till 9.30pm. haha the hearing impaired group sounds interesting too!! hmm.. really wonder what to do... so many things haha i guess GOd will lead and guide me. see how i fare ba! i still have work plus school so jia you clare!! gogogo!!

anways, all the best the the people running the elections.. remind me of the time i ran for my election xD. haha and thanks* to my bestie haha you know who you are for always being by me!!! :)

note to myself: just go for it!!!!!!

=do something right=

nothingness.numbness.

2011-08-14T18:57:00.000+08:00

lately, when i come here, my mind will suddenly go blank. it wasn't like that the last few months. the last few months, i always come here to vent, as a solitude, a safe haven. some place where my thoughts would be safe, where it wouldn't be judged. yet right now, at this point of time, i have no idea what to type..

my emotions are like zen... inner peace.. i don't know what am i feeling. for once in my life. i'm kind of shocked. shell shock.

hmm.. maybe i should blog about yesterday. days, events, they often link to emotions. or maybe i should blog about my first prawning experience. or my really recent fetish with an adorable yorkshire terrier. maybe just maybe i'll get my emotions back. its kind of like the feeling of losing your smile. that sudden emptiness you feel. like something's missing from you and it just gave you a hole in your body. unlike the feeling of losing someone, at least you still feel pain or a heart aching feeling in your chest. but no. this numbness i feel is nothing like that. its just a sudden disappearance, a sudden *pop* its gone. like a bubble. just like a bubble. i just hope this feeling would go away..

maybe it my maturity that make me have this realisation, maybe i'm not that simple anymore. maybe, its a once in a life time experience that i have this inner peace feeling.. i don't know. but i'll try to survive it.

as i settle down, to this 'comfort' level, there are still 1001 questions swirling in my head. studies... rally...r/s issues >< urgh, infuriating thought i got over it... i guess there are somethings in life that i cannot run away from, no matter how hard i try. >< but i got to say something.. yesterday, the feeling of accomplishment was awesome and incredible, after chionging finish 1 week's worth of work, i stepped into the cool breeze with a smile on my face :) that feeling. of lightness is what i hope to achieve everyday. accomplishing something, learning something new. then walking home under the street lights with archie's everything and more serenading me home. peace~ that is the peace i want to aciheve. not what i'm feeling now. i don't even know how to descirbe it. maybe i'll do it the way i do it best: an analogy hmm.. oki.. let's see. the feeling i feel now is like standing at the entrance of a dark cave in the middle of the night. you don't want to enter the cave, the surroundings outside is at its optimum temp to sleep. yet.. you keep feeling that there is something or someone in the cave that is watching you.. although you want to enjoy the cooling night.. yet.. there's this nagging feeling in you that tells you to be apprehensive about whatever there is in the cave.. if there is anything in the cave to start with. >< oh well. what to do? do what i do best. haha just :D and ignore ba haha :)

bs 1002 is currently killing me.. haha time to hit the books :) again. lol.

p.s here's something that i thought about a few days ago while on the bus

nostalgia
is smiles, is footsteps, is laughter, is memories
that
makes the corner of my mouth twitch, makes me want to revisit those places, makes me burst out into sudden laughter, makes me want to think about it and replay the scene over and over in my head.
not something that even when smiling, shows melancholy, neither should it make me want to look away and avoid the place at all cost, nor should it bring tears to my eyes as i wish that every single scene with you would fade away.

..... i know i have the strength, i just need the courage.
haha and all these i got while my bus was driving away from the interchange and i caught myself staring at that spot again..><

=do something right=
is it about you again?? urgh..

2011-08-11T22:20:00.000+08:00

typing this very first post on my new laptop. there. end of story.

but thanks* to my loving dad for sponsoring this :)

=do something right=

renegade ultimatium. school's start, keep rocking!

2011-08-04T22:25:00.000+08:00

woo~ its been a long time since i last posted.. been pretty busy going out and stuff.. as you can see from my fb haha :) well. i'm currently worried: i'm worried that i'll lose my skill in writing essays. i really want to improve. to see things more in depthly instead of just on the surface or superficially. i think maybe blogging might help. i still know i have not complete the entry on my camp, so i'll continue doing so tonight :) though it has been3 weeks. but the memory is still vivid in my mind..

i stopped at DAy2 night.
Day 2 night was fright night... before that we had a HTHT cum ghost story sharing session cum lame jokes session in a room in one of the chalets.. i wwas paired with wei zhou, the last boy-girl pair in our group. the rest paired with seniors. at first we were told that we have to do our group proud by looking for magneto coins that would be scattered around the vicinity we were going to go through. both wei zhou and me bought it. oki.. so we were blindfolded and everything.. and were led to the place where the 'treasure hunt' would take place. when i removed my blindfold, the first thing that i saw were two ghostly figures... explaining to us about what each coloured lightsticks meant.. oki i was a little scared haha.. once the explaination was done, we crossed over the chain and both of us literally bend down and started looking for coins. i'm serious!! we were really REALLY keen on finding them. oki... then we went to the first station. IT WAS THE FREAKIEST AND SCARIEST STATION EVER!! we were separated and i was pushed into the girl's bathroom.. there was a note pasted in front of the huge mirror :S using my lightstick, the only source of light... i crept to the mirror and read the note aloud 'go to the first cubicle' i was scared!! really afraid.. i went to the first cubicle.. oki everyone would expect the ghost to suddenly jump up and scared you but NO!!... there's a note pasted on the toilet seat 'look behind you' or 'i'm behind you' couldn't remember.. i turned and then the 'ghost' was there. i screamed at the top of my voice!! like really screamed!! then i went out of the toilet lol.. oki that was the scariest station. the second station was kind of epic haha..oh i was reunited with wei zhou..he just needed to say 'i died a terrible death' out loud that's all. -.- oki the second station was funny as there was this old ghost sitting there banging his clog.. very poor thing imo. haha cuase he has to do this the entire night lol. oki he went ' find me my clog' i heard clock.. wei zhou(wz) heard cloak lol then i figured it was clog. oic.. haha we went to the end.. searching for coins dilligently along the way but to no avail.. oki.. then we walked back lol. next station was some mathematical station which apparently the answer is zero but i didn't really bother.. haha just wanted to get out of the place fast cause it was filled with mirrors too >< hmm. the last station was.. another toilet with a siamese twin ghost and this ghost who lost his soccer ball haha so we just took the ball from the sink and handed it to him. wz was reallly nice to me throughtout the entire thing :) reeally took care of me!! haha nice nice :) like a big bro. big bro wz!!! :D oki anyways, we were the first pair to have made it out alive.. lol. the other pair was a girl-girl pair.. very poor thing :( one of the girl cried haha then we sat down and started exchanging experiences. we also found out : the coins were a scam!!!!! no!!!!!!!!!!!! we got cheated :( turns out.. basil, wz and me were the only ones who really serached for the coins. the others were either too afriad or forgot haha.. fright night. :) just like that.

Day 3

The day at SEntosa!!! woo!!! it was fun.. totaly of 5 stations with 1 finale. we battled against chucky, jigsaw and vader. haha we always defeat chucky.. no idea why but yeah :) haha.. finale was oki.. around sentosa., we took the tram and monorail. we had this game where we were supposed to guess the name of a song title. haha then the actions were really funny :P the ending game of this station was hangman.. cause we got one ques wrong.. so we had to eat a marshmallow dipped in.. eh.. vinegar honey and wasabi which was not too bad!! throughout this entire camp, i've tried many wierd stuff.. one was bread filled with whipped cream passed from ear to ear.. the other was sour tomato. another 'special' concotion of singapore sling lime juice mixed with a ladle of coffee powder.. haha i finally drank red bull!! it was oki.. just like any other carbonated drink. i drank a drink called naughty g too that was the last day though. oki anyways.. another station of the sentosa race was we had to sing a national day song + actions + to tourists.. at least 2 people. which.. we did.. erm.. the song we chose was stand up for singapore. lol it was quite funny, our actions but we did it! and the tourist said it was nice haha oki :) then we celebrated xinyi's birthday! woo~ happy 19 girl :D
back at the chalet, after dinner.. it was initiation night -.- a night filled with sauce, leftover food and mosquito bites.. yucks. oki.. nothing much to elaborate haha. just the part were basil haas to keep repeating 'bi xia is a fat fat pig' and we have to echo. xinyi has to shout 'i know i know' haha and we also have to echo. the funniest part was yew hung's ' jiao wo huang shang' we must echo ' huang shang jia dao' haha so cool!! haha :) yew hung is quite poor thing haha he also had to hold a branch and shout 'expecto petrolum' haha i had a magic pile of leaves. lol oki.. oh ya forgot to mention, my partner is the super annoying yet entertaining ian lim techun! haha oki.. quite fun to be partners with him :) haha. oki.. nothing much about initiation night.. just that i threw away my tee shirt that night too.

Day 4

SP day!! haha finally found out who my sp was. mr Eric Tay E. like seriously, his name is that short haha unlike mine lol.. oki.. then went out something like quradruple date with.. lai ling, jia ni and li hui.. this dates, kevin, evan and guorong. yup haha quite fun :) not too bad at least we shared and talk about some stuff. which was still quite cool. MY SP ROCKS!! really nice guy and easy to chat and talk to.. well i think guys above the age of 21 are more matured haha :P sorry mates but yeah! hehe xD we went back to ntu promptly at 1.30pm.. and it was the start of pool games.. which i had to sit out for all except one-- underwater charades. haha it was really funny, all the actions. i love the water.. just that i don't know how to swim that's all haha :) oki.. the last night was sp night. eric and me were the first couple to enter the hall, settle down and watch the other couples come in and everything. haha we shared a table with jia noi and guo rong :) it was cool. especially the gl dance!! haha. then the first sbs foc 2011 pageant winners were crowned.. a pity maureen and wei zhou didn't win :( they looked good together xD haha then it was photo-taking and everything.. it was the last night. so we didn't want to sleep that early.

Day 5
After we change dout of our smart casual, we sat in our favourite shape--the circle and had a htht. haha. oki. i cannot say much cause what is shared in the circle, stays in the circle.. well. hopefully down the road, i won't forget.. but i can give you a hint, i was voted but wife choice i think haha lol...not a good thing but well. i'll take it as a compliment :p. oki.. the last day.. ended with water games.. literally.. it rained and we had water bombs shrewn all over the field haha it was oki.. i guess.not much spectacular haha :) we ended with a photo and video. our group won best flag and... most valor award for sheena who injured her leg during the camp, yet she still came for some days :)

overall, it was a wonderful experience, i met and made many new friends :) really. thank you God for this opportunity :) haha.

anyways, had many many many outings after that.. the most recent one is our freshman orientation welcome ceremony yesterday 3rd august where we wore our convocation gowns.. minus the hat haha and said the pledge woo~~ awesome much! i cannot wait for uni to officially start. well.. it'll be a good 4 years, but my goal is 3.5 years! jia you!! xD haha..

hopefully i'll be able to discern and grow, to see things and to find out and uncover the deeper meanings behind stuff, rather than just take everything at face value. learn to study smart, be healthy and just be yourself. smiley smiley, dumb cheerful girl!! haha jia you!! :)

a nice song to end this:

archie's everything and more <3

You see a storm heading our way
You know the cold can make things delay,
Up here it can't do any harm.
The cracks show in the concrete jungle
Tear apart the weakest of hearts,
Up here you'll be safe in my arms.
Oh.

I know that you're feeling like we're only dreaming
Well don't look down 'cause this is real.

Like a satellite we're flying
Overhead where we see it all.
Nothing can touch us, we're everything and more.
There's no turning back from this point.
Reaching heights like never before.
Nothing can touch us, we're everything, we're everything and more.

Let's try holding each other,
Found a love to last forever.
Up here gives you wings to stay strong, ooh.
The air is pure that we're breathing.
We're something to believe in,
'Cause I feel it's where we both belong.

I know that you're feeling like we're only dreaming
Well don't look down 'cause this is real.

Like a satellite we're flying
Overhead where we see it all.
Nothing can touch us, we're everything and more.
There's no turning back from this point.
Reaching heights like never before.
Nothing can touch us, we're everything, we're everything and more.

Trust me this is worth not falling back to Earth.
Everything and more is up here.

Like a satellite we're flying
Overhead where we see it all.
Nothing can touch us, we're everything and more.
There's no turning back from this point.
Reaching heights like never before.
Nothing can touch us, we're everything and more.

Nothing can touch us, we're everything, we're everything and more.
We're everything and more, hey

=do something right=
the truth is.. i'm still running away.

side track>>>

2011-07-26T23:26:00.000+08:00

i still care a little.. but....

WHO CARES! JUST HECK!

i'm having the time of my life. i don't need to become miss popular or whoever. i'm being myself and that's all that matters!!!

xD

=do something right=
i'm not making the first move anymore. zit

renegade 2

2011-07-24T22:37:00.000+08:00

continued from my camp experience :)

day 1 was day games, not wet or anything. the camp started on a really funny note with the videos (on fb) haha its about 6 groups of evilings going to steal the essence of evil yup. anyways i'm in magneto haha which i have mentioned in the post before this. oki.. day games was all right. more of disgusting. especially the part where we were supposed to pass a chosen food from one memeber to the other. we lined up according to height. weizhou first then me (need alternate boy girl boy)... had to pass bread.. covered in whip cream..can hear the oozing sound... yuck. the other games wren't that bad. i was blindfolded and had to make-up basil, along with ian and melanie haha. night was sp partnering. which was quite interesting. haha cause its like talking to someone you never met before (literally) since we're blindfolded. but i had fun :) we had to go through these obstacles like fine dinind together.. need to feed each other etc.interesting!! haha zhixiang is THE BOSS! of the finr dining restaurant we went to haha so funny :) my name was aurora and my partner is philip haha :) cool much all name after some disney character or couple from real life haha :) like michelle obama, david beckham. there is also one justin bieber!! haha it lasted throughout the night which was cool :) i didn't see my sp's face or what which was cool :) that's how day 1 ended.

day 2 was AMAZING RACE day. the best part was when our group won!! haha and we got to stay in the biggest chalet!!! haha oki.. suspense suspense.. keep reading for more updates :D

=do something right=
just let nature takes it course...

renegade

2011-07-22T22:15:00.000+08:00

shagged. sun burnt. half a sleep.
but i still found the strength to on the computer and type away. the experience of a lifetime:
Camp Renegade. SBS FOC 2011

16/7/2011
Pre-camp. found out that my group was called Magneto!! yup, you heard it right. it's named after the grey-haired, helmet wearing villain in x-men. that's the theme of the camp. all the other groups are named after villains. e.g chucky, jigsaw (from the movie series saw), vader (short for darth vader), joker, insidious. New friendships were forged as we had to work together, from scratch into a master piece.

18/7/2011
Day 1 of camp: it was mainly ice-breakers. with mr mark and miss melanie being the most frequent forfeiters!!! haha it was hilarious. my group consisted of
maureen. lai ling, jia ni, xinyi, melanie, jeslin, geraldine, lihui, ying hui, sheena, bao yi, mark, wei zhou, basil, mong kheng, youhung, ian--freshies!! the group leaders are jason, abby (short for abigail) and zhi xiang!! :) Senior attached- bi xia, pei rong, hui wen, alex tan, xuanyong, alex chua and venessa <3 they really rocked!!

>> i feel like using polariods to tkae down the entire experience. i ever want to forget any moment of it. because i went through special activities like amazing race, fright night, intition via sauces, sp night and dinner.... heart to heart talks.. i just want to write it all down for the fear of the memory fading. but right now, i'm just staring open mouthed at the screen... haha too tired to want to think. being very passive now. yeah. haha :)

anyways, the camp was awesome. really had fun :) plus i burnt my scalp and neck but i think it was worth it. psyched!! for university. here i come. i'll continue tmr!!

=do something right=
he reminds me of him.. its like.. i don't know. attraction?maybe i'm thinking too much. i think i'm back into the same feeling again, only now.. i'm not making the first move.

everything and more

2011-07-17T21:47:00.000+08:00

the smashing, epic end to harry potter. after 5 days of gruesome waiting. i finally caught it on the first day, 14/7/2011 at 7 pm!!! woo!! it was awesome. i really liked it.. though i hoped that the kiss between ron and hermione would be longer. and more clearly seen, instead of ron's long hair covering the entire thing -.- oh well, i must say that mcgonagal rocks big time. haha really funny, the way she battled snape :) and voldermot is really funny too!! he laughed like..'heheheh. the whole cinema was like witw!!!! haha so funny :) the ambience in the cinema was good too :) with people laughing and clapping at the appropriate moments xD it was really fun :) i think i'll grab the dvd when its out.. oh did i mention that i would like to purchase the last book and re-read it. or maybe i can just camp at kino for one day the finish the entire book xD. awesome much!! haha.
luna's with neville. which i think is nice :) luna's really good in the show. neville too i must say. it is a must-watch. never did regret!! i think i learnt not to regret anything already :) cause i did it!! woo!!

it has been a long time since i've blogged cause i did not have access to the computer :) haha ut its oki. its good to come here nce in a while instead of it making an addiction. anyways, here are some quotes from the last two books i read :)

because you can make it through this if someone says you can

'something has to stay the same''i'm nothing like them''i hate to break it to you, but you never were, and you never will be.''but something's changed''not everything'

for a minute, the whole universe seemed fragile, lilke it could fall apart if i so much as blew in the wrong direction or pulled the wrong thread.

there's something about sitting alone in the dark that reminds you how big the world really is, and how far apart we all are. the stars look like they're so close you could reach out and touch them. but yo can't, sometimes things look a lot closer than they are.

>>>sidetrack still thinking if i should buy the harry potter book. its quite ex!! :)

leave it all behind and get away while you still can

he who chooses the beginning of the road chooses the place it leads to-harry emerson fodick

you're just holding on to a different edge of the same jagged hole.

in light there is dark and in dark there is light.

all truths are easy to understand once they are discovered. the point is to discover them-galileo

this is the way the world ends, not with a bang but a whimper- t.s.eliot

we don't get to choose what is true. we only get to choose what we do about it.

jump or stay in the boat.

the right thing and the easy thing are never the same.

order of things-the magical universe and material univese, like two skies one isn't any more real than the other. they coexist.

Maybe _____________ is like chicken pox. you would only catch it once.

running to stand still.

you are on a side, and that is important. you don't have to stay on that side. often the greatest act of courage is admitting that one has made a mistke. follow your hearts. protect on another, trust one another because at the end of the day, all the people wnat something from you, or want you to do something for them or be something that you are not.

have you ever done something purely for the thrill of it? no? then you are not living, you are surviving.

the truth is usually the simplest way. fools lie, clever man stick to the truth.

we hate what we fear.

good or bad is a mtter of perspective. there is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so.

they do not love that do not show their love.

some thingare are worth fighting for.. and that everything has a cost.

yupyup.. hmm.. new songs on my list. i'm still addicted to jetlag. then there's a new song by joe jonas--see no more. and david archuleta's everything and more. i really like listening to that song and strolling home under the streetlight. really peaceful and calming effect. <3

a little apprehensive about the camp tmr.. but i want to enjoy myself and make new friends. although i cannot do a lot of things like swim or cycle. haha but yeah. jia you ba and like what zy gor said. just be myself xD woo~

=do something right=

i don't care anymore. just let go

2011-07-07T23:48:00.000+08:00

girl, forget it. seriously no use.. its kind of surprising how you're able to withstand for so long without bursting out into tears. so cool right?? jia you oki.. really. though sunshine say that i'm not the type of person to heck.. i really am not but.. yeah.. i'll do my best, i'll keep smiling. i'll hold my head high so that the tears won't fall. i promise my self that i won't cry, so i will not. even though it sort of stings right now.. it really does. cause i thought i managed to get over it. but i've been living in my own facade. seriously. everything was a mistake. i played with fire and burnt my hands. i deserved it. well done girl. well done. learn. really i need to learn to mind my own business. i think i should stop here right now.

the above paragraph wasn't what i wanted to type. initially. all i wanted was just some simple sentences.

i'm a typical girl who walks the stairs instead of climbing escalators.
i'm a typical girl who has short hair instead of keeping it long.
i'm a typical girl who smiles till you cannot see her eyes.
i'm a typical girl who hates swear words.

the list could go on and on and on..

what really surprises me is that... are the memories with me so detestable that you would use other memories to cover them up? its a hurtful question that i would never have the courage to actually open my mouth to ask. but this is my blog, my world. i'm really tired of this. they have moved on. so why can't you girl?? clare answer me. there is NOTHING. i repeat, NOTHING left for you to hold on. you need to shove your butt out there and live. not just to survive!!! really man. you got to fling every single care into the clouds and let it rain over the next country or town they pass by. you are not in the equilibrium anymore as gor puts it. really. get real and wake up. this time really wake up.

yeah, face it, they do not care.. they just don't.
build up confidence in yourself, even if you go uni and you still remain single.because you plan to seal your heart up in this cage. be proud of it, cause if the guy really likes you, he will break through that cage just to get to you.

even if you cry yourself to sleep tonight. wake up feeling better. regarding the sentence, why do you have to be so negative. void's to put all memories at the back of your head and move on. so what if you cover them. the past was still there. written in history, yeah, you would have different type of experiences with different people. it would never be the same.

venting it out.. on the blog.. there's till so much stuff i want to say, so much.. but the fire that scorched my hands, i'll extinguish it soon.

jia you girl. no matter how much longing or urges, you got to hold back, because you've matured and grown and realse the fact that everything is of the past and will be of the past. move on. let go. these are just words. you need to reach your inner peace. why bother about people that don't bther about you? you know its your nature to care. so be it. care, but only for the righ reasons and if you have to. if not trust that they can take care of themselves. there is no more going back. you need to live clare.you've been surviving for so long. so live now.

the end of your worries starts here.

because you know you have the strength to.

=do something right=

my heart heart heart is so jetlag

2011-07-05T22:56:00.000+08:00

oki.. so what do i get out of it doing that?? really clare, you got to wake up.. lol.. i think..i really need to stop being so insecure.>< bad habit that needs to be dished out. maybe i think too much.. i think i still do. no matter what, its my nature. worrywart. like seriously. hey, check this out. i think we should really do this:

my first reaction was : AWWWW!!! haha nice one isn't it :)
anyways.. the day wasn not off to a good start. woke up sobbing.. it isn't the kind with tears treaming down your face as if you just escape from a nightmare.. i rather have that.. its the kind of silent sob , that ache in your heart as your dream tides in with reality.. its when it just suddenly hit you, the realisation that you won't be able to the things you used to do with the person your love all over again..that you do not have the right to love another person, or the fact that everything has changed and the other party does not care about you anymore. everything just keeps coming.. one blow after the other. that i the kind of pain i had this morning.. ><

dental today!!! power chain!!! ahh!!!! it hurts.. cause its like tighter. way WAY tighter.. i had trouble biting my biscuit and cheese stick :( hard to eat even though you're famished and the sight of food makes your mouth water.. but then when you grab the food and take your first bite.. ouch! that's it. :( but i think it'll go away soon. afterall, i've gotten use to pain.. haha in general except!!!! injections!! no way man. i really hate injections!!! yucks!

baby blue :) hopefully it suits my skin tone?? haha
anyways, been addicted to this song:

[Verse 1]

What time is it where you are?
I miss you more than anything
Back at home you feel so far
Waitin for the phone to ring
It's gettin lonely livin upside down
I don't even wanna be in this town
Tryin to figure out the time zones makin me crazy

[Chorus]

You say good morning
When it's midnight
Going out of my head
Alone in this bed
I wake up to your sunset
It's drivin me mad
I miss you so bad
And my heart heart heart is so jetlagged

[Verse 2]

What time is it where you are?
5 more days and i'll be home
I keep your picture in my car
I hate the thought of you alone
I been keeping busy all the time
Just to try to keep you off my hand
Tryin to figure out the time zones makin me crazy

[Chorus]

You say good morning
When it's midnight
Going out of my head
Alone in this bed
I wake up to your sunset
It's drivin me mad
I miss you so bad
And my heart heart heart is so jetlagged

[Bridge]

I've been keepin busy all time
Just to try to keep you off my mind
Tryin to figure out the time zones makin me crazy
I miss you so bad
I wanna share your horizon
And see the same sunrising
Turn the hour hand back to when you were holding me

[Chorus]

You say good morning
When it's midnight
Going out of my head
Alone in this bed
I wake up to your sunset
It's drivin me mad
I miss you so bad
And my heart heart heart is so jetlagged

:) its nice..

=do something right=
i still think about you...

reov

2011-07-03T22:20:00.000+08:00

i'm just too tired to use my fingers to type.. i prefer to use my eyes. lol. haha so just let my paste some pictures and stare..... somewhere. :)

=do something right=

just a dream

2011-06-30T09:05:00.000+08:00

got up early so took the liberty of posting so when i come home later, i can concentrate on other stuff. hmm.. its kind of ironic that i'm still in this situation, though it has really been uber long already. but sigh.. whatever. i have to keep moving forward. its not very nice if the other party has already move on super fast, leaving you behind to try and pick up the pieces and pull yourself together. everyone would know what i'm talking about and often or not, most of them would be my senior in this aspect. haha well.. everyone has tough days, nd everyone would thik that they have gone through much worst. so yeah.. but i thought of something this morning, that maybe could help. its just something psychological. i got the wake up call again. quite interestingly, from a different source :) but well, it still worked. i guess the last few days have beena little confusing.. but now i got it right on track again.... till the next bombastic thing happens -.-

anyways, here's how the psyhology thing works.
i'm going to think that i have a secret job.. dotz saying that on my blog doesn't make it very secretive but who cares.. oki.. just like a assassin..their job is to eliminate people secretly. oki. my job is to bring people together oh-so-not-secretively. lol. but the same rules apply. the mission must succeed at all cost and for course, do not have any attachment to the subject. well, it would be pretty easy if i was handling the female subject, but ode to joy, just like most female assassins are suppose to man-handle the male species, so was i. to cut a long story short.. yeah, i found myself building this super strong bond with the make subject.. then everyhing went bersek, but i still finished the mission. i'm supposed to disappear once the mission is done.. which is currently what i'm doing?? lol. or trying to do. haha..

well, just a little story.. but i guess it turned into an analogy of my situation.. again.. -.-" i really should stop doing that!! but its fun as it stretched my imagination and what michael scotts taught me--imagination does not die, it is the strongest magic of all. but it has to be controlled carefully, artfully and masterfully. haha well, i guess that's how i can think of things now.. to prevent myself from going crazy. no point. even if i'm involved in some kind of accident or something happened.. i think they won't even know.. so yeah.. not wishing something will happen to me but yeah, you get my point. haha.

for now.. its really.. just my own wishful thinking--it really is. it really is.

=do something right=

you simply walked away...

2011-06-29T22:23:00.000+08:00

i just summed up my entire situation.
something i would like to do:

meet the person i would have become if i haven't met you

=do something right=

let's rock it!!

2011-06-28T22:08:00.001+08:00

woah. so many camps hmm.. i'll give it 2 days to think through.. but i think at the end of the day, i'll still sign up lol. just that when i see: swimwear and goggles... my stomach lurched.. cause i can barely stay afloat, let alone swim.oh well, they say can opt-out but of course must join the activities!! haHA. :) oki that aside.. well.. i think my phone would be pretty quiet this week..which is good in a way.

now i think.. maybe just keep things to the way it is. teacher ask me.. was i happy. i think i was confused and shocked.. like huh??? why the sudden appearance again? my heart is not something you can play with. you may not know how powerful you are... but i sure do. its just.. the picture is clear to me..now. and its haunting me. you enter, leave, enter and then leave again. what do you want me to do? how much more do you think i can take? its hard. really hard.

what do you do?
maybe..

sigh.. a thousand sighs. haha

i wish you could see me now... just you, yourself. but i know that will not happen. i don't wish to see you. your shadow/sihouette/backview/head/bag anything about you.. it'll make my heart beat really fast.. 'do i wished.. that i don't know you at all?'
but i cannot deny that."i miss us. i just don't mean us being together or hanging out, i mean like i miss us, being so close and telling each other everything."

it makes me want to sit at the places we've been togethert and just cry my heart out.but i won't..what good would it do? i just need to move on for now. its the best thing i can do.

anyways, i think i'll just be positive and keep jumping and smiling!!! haha whatever will be. will be. just see what he wants to say/do/propose to do or what i guess.. :)

i just found out that the serise which i'm currently pursuing: the alchemyst is like super long.. i'm now at book 3 the socceress, it would follow with the necromancer then i saw at harris today, the warlock. it would be before the enchantress. like seriously long!!! but i'm determined to finish it.. unlike the other series :( my septimus heap i stoped at flyte i think.. then i saw darke.. today. lol still got my beautiful creatures follow up to beautiful darkness!! :( sian ttm!! haha oki..

i still got lots to do!! so little time. with the camp and everything. i want to try my hands in tile art and clay this year. more hands-on presents!! woo~ haha jia you!

saw this' i want you to be happy, but i want you to be happy with me' lol.. don't know. things ain't always going your way girl. haha
so just keep walking. let's rock it!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

from the magician:

'if people tell you everything, they take away the opportunity for you to learn'
'the best lie is one that is wrapped around a core of truth.'
'before you can take control, you have to be in control.'
'people change. no one stays the same'
'desperate man do stupid things. and stupid men make mistakes.'
'the enemy of my enemy is my friend'
'fools rush in where angels fear no tread'
'everyone can be defeated. only ideas are immortal'

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
There's a fire starting in my heart,
Reaching a fever pitch and it's bring me out the dark.
Finally I can see you crystal clear
Go ahead and sell me out and I'll lay your ship bare.

See how I'll leave, with every piece of you
Don't underestimate the things that I will do.

There's a fire starting in my heart,
Reaching a fever pitch and it's bring me out the dark.

The scars of your love, remind me of us.
They keep me thinking that we almost had it all
The scars of your love, they leave me breathless
I can't help feeling
We could have had it all
Rolling in the deep
You had my heart inside your hand
And you played it
To the beat

Baby I have no story to be told
But I've heard one of you and I'm gonna make your head burn,
Think of me in the depths of your despair
Making a home down there as mine sure won't be shared

The scars of your love, remind you of us.
They keep me thinking that we almost had it all
The scars of your love, they leave me breathless
I can't help feeling
We could have had it all
Rolling in the deep
You had my heart inside your hand
And you played it
To the beat

We could have had it all
Rolling in the deep
You had my heart inside your hand
But you played it
With a beating

Throw your soul threw every open door
Count your blessings to find what you look for
Turn my sorrow into treasured gold
You pay me back in kind and reap just what you sow

We could have had it all
We could have had it all
We could have had it all
Rolling in the deep
You had my heart inside your hand
And you played it to the beat

We could have had it all
Rolling in the deep
You had my heart inside your hand

But you played it,
You played it,
You played it
You played it to the beat

=do something right=

and i wonder if i ever cross your mind

2011-06-26T23:04:00.000+08:00

generation gap with parents appearing vividly again -.-
what to do. just keep quiet.. and do well for my studies.. wished there was someone i could talk to. but i think i handle this on my own. its not as bad as some other things. i just need to produce results and i'm determined to produce it for them. my gift for them. just for them. so that they'll be proud of me. since they've always put up with my bad attitude and weird remarks. soometimes laughing loudly for no reason. haha but thanks* for giving me great parents.

today.. i did something. i guess its right. i mean i didn't do anything wrong.. and the first move wasn't made by me. whether its planned or not i have no idea.. i don't want to know either it would only make me feel worst. a metaphor speaks a thousand words. my heart= thousand pieces puzzle. imagine you've almost piece together the 1000 pieces, then someone who helped you piece it, but when it gets tough, he/she walks away leaving you to continue the other 500 pieces by yourself, when you finally almost did it, the same person comes and wrecks the entire effort by turning the table over. imagine that. its something like that.

i don't know.. i just know i'm not ready for the ultimate test. just talking to you... is enough for me already.
at least... i know where i stand. i don't ask for much.. i know we cannot get back to where we once were..cause there are some stuff in our way.. although i wished i could get back to those times.. the crapping, jokes and incredulous things you'd ask me under the sun. just sitting somewhere and talk about stupid stuff, calling each other names, then we would start poking each other.. running around. trying to catch each other.but now. this little contact: in other words... have you re-entered my life??

luckily.. this isn't the contact i meant.. phew. this is just.. i don't know. msging?? i don't know what you want.. maybe you're just trying to test out my number see if it still works? or maybe... you just want to try your luck.
i really want to embrace you.. i'm still fighting the urge to call you b. its hard.. i admit. i'm a softie. give me those puppy eyes and i'll melt. ._.". i don't know if i want you in my life.. last time.. i couldn't see the picture. but now i can see it clearly. i'm not sure if i like what i see. but i will not do anything to upset this equilibrium. it is not right.. so maybe.. i'll just suffer alone. its the best way??

Missing someone isn’t about how long it has been since you’ve seen them or the amount of time since you’ve talked. It’s about that very moment when you’re doing something and wishing they were right there with you.

this is what i'm really afraid of :

=do something right=
maybe we just continue.. this for now..

tell me

2011-06-25T22:29:00.000+08:00

oki. i got what i came for. the wake up call.
i have no right to be jealous/mad/angry or what. so yeah..

i'm still appalled by how just a few words can drive my world upside down again. been working on it for ages.. yet.. just a few words.>.<
today.. close shave man. probably just my eyes playing tricks.

i don't know how long i can pull this off. what do you really want??
my distraction has been taking a toil on my eyes, even though its really good.
today i was at my haven.. surrounded by the things i love and some memories.. that's all. but its enough.. then on the way home >.< please..

just let me vent here for a while. bunny say i get affected too easily. i guess i really do.. some stuff.. maybe because i tend to overthink too much. i don't know.. right now i don't know where we stand. are we even on the same platform or i'm already at the edge and you're just waiting to push me off.

so if you're reading this, i really don't know what you're up to.. maybe i'm just talking to a wall here.. but please.. i really don't know where we stand now.. like what's your game? in addition, i don't think i'm ready for the ultimate test.. you should be fearless by now.. i'm easily replaceable no?? i don't know.. just let me.. sob things out for a while.

letting things out last last wed made me feel better. crying my eyes out, my lungs hurt, my heart hurt.. i don't know. just..

so what should i do now? heck? be angry? shocked? happy? why can't you tell me what to do? oh boy..

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

ba'ad az ar tariki, roshani ast
after darkness there is light

you're never really in control, whatever you may think. just keep paddling and never fight the current because the current will always win.

when in doubt, keep paddling.

wait.look.notice

nothing is as it seems. you must learn to question everything. to wait before moving, to looking before stepping and to observe everything.

you are the prisoners of circumstance, of coincidence and chance

love is the water of life, drink deeply.

=do something right=

before it explodes

2011-06-19T21:47:00.000+08:00

i found out that maybe.. i cannot go jogging on my own.it not because of my stamina or anything like that. i mean its good to have a running partner to spur each other on.. i used to have that. different people. but now its so hard to coordinate, i'm better off running alone.
running.. throws my mind into a tummult of emotions.. its like i have to fight with my body, my heart and my mind. all of them give different views. my legs yell stop at the next tree. my heart aches as memories flow and my mind, exhausted from all the shouting my body and heart is giving that i has to control both and at the same time, flashbacks keep coming.
its insanely stressful but at the end, when i do reach my set destination.. i do calm down..
though i feel like everything is going to explode inside of me and all i want to go is to scream out to the water. which i manage to prevent myself from doing so as to stop people from staring at me like an insane mad woman.
running is like a jolt back to reality.. where this reality i have now is just a facde i'm trying to paint and keep up. no doubt tough but enjoyable. its in this little world where though faced with problems.. but solutions would always come out from some other person and my concentration would be broken or i can be distracted by even the trivial little things. but when i'm jogging. no. the pain comes. its like a wake up call... i cannot hide under the mask of swaet no matter how hard i try to.
i have to pull myself together. no matter how long it takes. things got better during the last few days. i've pretty much been again to stop thinking already and instead, shifted my mind to other things. which is progress.. something that i have not had for a very long time. maybe it's good to cry it out once in a while. just like i did on wed. shouted/brawled/tears streaming.. everything just to let it out. i think i might consider to shout every morning just to let off some steam. i have to start somewhere. haha :)
though i still play impossible scenarios in my head.. they are called impossbile for a reason. haha

this pretty lady above, she's lee young eun. haha was watching likeable or not this afternoon.and her characeter.. would be the character i want to be if i'm caught up in a messy relationship as her.the man she loved has married.. although his marriage becomes messy later.. but she still tries her best to patch them back. haha. then there's this senior there.. who's always there to make her laugh. in the show! haha i really like it :)

yup, that him allright. haha eh.. not very good-looking or anything.. i'm just saying. that its good to have smeone at the back supporting you :)

i guess, i have to stop all this daydream. as much as i'm feeling oki now, i'm still not ready for the ultimate test. yup. so please God, i really don;t want it to happen now. haha eh..i really need wakeup calls. playing that sentence, over and over again is enough haha. so i really need to keep it up.

the more it hurts, the harder i must smile.

even though.. in the future. my heart may be locked in this diamond-encrusted glass cage.. and it would take years to heal.. or maybe it would never heal. just let it hibernate for the time being. i just want to do well in uni. going to give it my best shot and give it all i got.

quotes from the latest 2 books i've finished reading:
'it was strange how words meant something when they first came out of your mouth. Inside your head they were safe and silent, but once they were out, people grabbed hold of them.'

'sometimes, if you want something badly enough, you can make it happen. If you miss someone so desperately that it wrecks your insdes, you say their name over and over until you conjure them. It's called sympathetic majic and you just have to believe in it to make it work'

from you against me by jenny downham....'you want this to be a love story?'

'i know how a moment can pass-how you've really wanted to say something to someone or do something, but something happens and you don't, and you almost want to explode afterwards because you didn't do it. and i know you get annoyed when people come in here and try to make stupid memories like becoming sporting heroes and play around on their wives with prettier women. because its not what its about. it's about fixing a moment back to the way it should have been, had you not got distracted, or if you wren't such a coward or if you had known that that lost moment was the only moment you had to say or do what you wanted.'

'it is not the memory he needs to change. it was almost perfect.... it is what he regrets, what beats him up insdie that makes him relive it over and over a thousand times a day'

from girl in the mirror by cecelia ahern

haha maybe i'll try sympathetic magic.. but what good would it do?
it wouldn't change a thing. because that is just another impossible scenario that i played up in my head. so let me just be happy..when the time comes to act. i think i would. for now.. other than playing the waiting game, i just have to move on.

read more books baby!!! :)

=do something right=

till the end

2011-06-15T13:35:00.000+08:00

ever since buddy left my life.. i don't really have any friends i can pour my heart out to.. as in literally pour and crap all the way..
not saying that my other friends are bad. they are AWESOME, not to mention FANTASTIC... but sometimes.. i don't want to keep relying on them.. buddy.. though was not always there for me.. at least.. will still manage to make me smile. lol now i need to make myself smile on my own.
but the great veron is still there. so is sunshine :) haha awesome people in my life.

i made some decision over the past hour. it required my to bawl my eyes out, some dizzy spells and a lot of short sharp breaths just to calm myself down to think logical and rationally. but i'm proud to say.. for once in my life, i'm able to follow my heart.

i promise myself no more emo post, so i'm not going to post any emo stuff, but i'm going to scold someone here.. if you cold excuse me:
TSF!! how can you just let out friendship go like that. call me naive, call me selfish.. fishmonger, whatever you want, but i'll never let our friendship go like that. you think you say want to let go, you just let go. you think you're the only one that's tired?? hmph, i'm not going to blame you. i love you as a friend. that's why i'm chiding you here and not in your face, though i know that you prob won't come here to visit. but really man!! even if you don't know me that well. you should know i treasure friendships like mad. and this is irritating me like mad!!! seriously!! i don't care. even if it takes my entire life to be your friend, i'm so going to try. i'm going to put in the effort every single ounce of effort to try and keep it up. once my friend, always my friend. i don't care if its kindergarten, pri, sec,jc or uni whatever. if you entered my life, i don't want to just let you walk away like that without trying. this is what i really want to say. yes. if you keep me out, i'll still wait for you outside your door(of your heart.. not your house like some stalker-.-)i'll do my best to make this work. you don't even need to lift a finger, i'll put in all the effort you hear me!!!! i'm giving you my all! to make this friendship work.

to me friends.. who are already my friends. please do not. i repeat. do not try to walk out of my life. i treasure each and everyone of you.. though i don't need to say it out loud. but don't you dare.try.to.get.out.of.my.life.

to my future friends: the same applies to you too :)

LOVE YOU ALL TTM!!

of course.. there happens to be one exception.. but.. that i'll leave it to God. that would be on hold.. something i would settle maybe in the futre.. not even near future.. but just. future. lol.

i guess, it's rather becoming of me.. to reach my dumb cheerful girl status as gor would call. it :) nice one clare. jia you oki people. do treasure your friendships, and just be sincere like i always say. haha :)

from beautiful creatures:
the best way to find out if you can trust somebody is to trust them -- ernest hemingway.

there was only so much trouble you could get into before the threat of more trouble wasn't even a threat anymore. At some point, you'd waded so far in you had no choice but to paddle through the middle, if you had any chance of making it to the other side. --you won't be able to understand this logic.. until you're about waist deep into trouble.

everything means something. don't try to change something wild into somthing tame.

loneliness is holding the one you love/when you know you might never hold him/her again
even lost in darkness/my heart will find you
the soul dies at the hand of the one who carries it
if i could find a pplace to run away/hidden safely, i would be there today
how do you escape from yourself?--- lena duchannes

my personal favourite:) 'question everything. learn something.answer nothing'-marian ashcroft

i'm prepared to give everything and expect nothing. but trust me, i'll make this work cause when there's a will, there's a way. hard or difficult, i'll walk it. believe me my friend.

=do something right=

Night star

2011-06-12T21:13:00.000+08:00

been a while since i've had access to the computer.
my books have kept me well away from this keyboard.
as much as i love to immerse myself in pages and pages of fiction, i do need to take a breather once in a while.
i've adapted to reading about the biographies of authors, famous for their classics.
though their stories.. may well be of fiction for one part, but i do applaud the author's through research to stitch fact into fiction so seamlessly..into an enjoyable read.
jane austen and charlotte bronte are admirable authors of the classics, of their centuries as well as ours nd i'll delight myself in their books in the near future. starting with most probably, jane eyrne. or sense and sensibility. pride and prejudice.. i've seen many works via theatre, the various interpretations of the directors.. which i guess have done miss austen great justice.

another cause for me using the com.. is because i've a slight addiction to reading my friends' tumblr.. haha as well as strangers' since the net is so accessible right now.. i really wonder if i'll succumb to the temptation and set up one of mine own.. of course.. perhaps i'll venture into the course.. but it would remain a discreet venture. haha maybe something i'll indulge it for a while since pictures do tend to express one's emotions far more adpting sometimes, as compared to words. haha

kind of weird thati'm speaking in old british english form.. probably a little 'language form infection' from reading too many novel written in this style. nevertheless, my next book is going to whisked me back to the 21st century's grammer and strucutre :)

it has been a pleasure working at the office since time passes uberly fast. though i do miss the company of my colleagues, but still, its a good experience :) one that i would think hold rather hight in esteem for many years to come. haha.

=do something right=
sometimes.. the lives of the characters reflect the life which i have now.. though different in time.. but of context is the same. the same ordeals. struggles. forbiddens.. everything.. i get caught up too easily. >.< but it is certainly a joy to escape from reality for a while.

2011-06-07T08:45:00.002+08:00

i miss you buddy. always have. always will.
=do something right=

2011-06-06T09:24:00.000+08:00

if 1 heart is 100%, 2 hearts make 200%

if your heart has only left 50%, i'll make up the other 150%

if its 10%, i'll make up the 190%

even if its only 0.01%, i'll make up the 199.99%

just to make it 200%

that's what i promised you. i stood by it.

=do something right=

mega geek!!

2011-06-05T22:17:00.000+08:00

' so if your thoughts are energy, and energy attracts, then all of your thoughts about all of the things you fear the most-you're actually making them happen. Manifesting them into existence simply by obessing over them. Simply put it: As above, so below, as within, so without. what it means is that what's inside us will also be found outside of us. That our inner state of consciousness, the thoughts that we focus on, will always be reflected in our outer life.'

does the law of attraction exist?
i'm about to find out. haha .

felt that suffocating feeling as my eye darted around the mall.. really hate going out on weekends for the fear of coming face to face with void... like seriously freaking me out. >.<
glad that i manage to unload some stuff to veron. going to visit ms tay tmr..
anyways.. granny fell down. :( hairline crack in her collarbone.. but its good that she's fine now :) at least recovering. PRAISE THE LORD! hopefully dad's ankle would recover in time for his passion run in july.
heal heal heal!! recover recover!!

oh oh i'm going to be a mega geek in uni!! with braces, specs and cute hairdo. haha.
though i maybe not be a nerd or geek in real life.. but its good to role play it in uni i guess. haha cool!! love that idea :)

was reading dark flame--cannot believe i finished 4 books in 2 days. lol. and haven asked ever a ques: in her r/s with damen, who loved more? hmm.. this ques i guess is something to ponder upon. jia wei also asked a similar ques : would you choose to love or be loved. haha. will. i choose to love. to sacrifice. :) cause i know i can do it. remember 'give everything and expect nothing in return' :]

'because i will only love you even though it hurts so much'oh i forgot to mention. i asked my mum is she's oki with me being a mega geek. she said yes. then i went you sure.. she replied: i also don't know what's a geek.
lol!!!!!

when i got down from the 154 bus today.. i saw the ALICAFE advert. and i burst out laughing!!! haha. i will always. i repeat : ALWAYS remember my awesome boss alvin and funny colleague jerome singing along with the jingle saying hen hao he. haha seriously.. i will never forget all the laughter.. :)
they say to live for the things that make you happy.. but there are so many what ifs in my life that.. i don't know what quote applies to me now. the principles and everything are really confusing.
but i know this:

sorry for being random but CHARICE IS AWESOME! her songs are nice and her voice is power ttm!!

=do something right=

all i ever wanted...

2011-06-04T22:55:00.005+08:00

manage to go for SLC'11 night activity!! awesome much :) its good to be back at jss.. feeling.. well. like home. the night was all right except for the throbbing headache which i got.. which turned out to be mild fever. great. sick week this week. but no worries, i'm fine now.. though its a bit depressing given some circumstances.. its like i don't know what to do.. how to act. i'm confused. i can only find solace in my books.. read.. read keep reading. not wanted to break down. i'm still haunted in my dreams. like subconsciously.. its still lingering in my mind. ms tay say i've reached the level of being able to let go.yet somehow hold on. i have no idea.. but oki, i want to say boy am i glad that i went back to jss yesterday :) its really some form of pride..i don't know how to explain it. absolutely love it when wei jian said: she's our secretay, standing right in front of you the entire time' haha then they made this girl throw her waterbombs back and forth... like"think think think think" then the water bomb throwing back and forth. uber cute haha.. well.. really it waa nice catch-up amidst the night activities.. somehow i'll reall what i went through that period of time... maybe it was worst.. much much worst!! haha but still good experience. haha the campers had to find cass.. which we asked koko to pull off and he went 'i'm a drag queen' lol!!! haha hilarious.. oh well.. it was fun while it lasted. my head.. at least i couldn't take it anymore, so cass accompanied me home.. in case i faint or something..if not i would've stayed till 5 am :( awwwsss next year hopefully?? haha
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
somtimes, i feeling like saying:

but..
what if i don't ge to see that 2 sec smirk only meant for me?
what if you don't call me sucker anymore?
what if you forget the 33586239 thousand pokes i owe you?
what if you no longer crap around me like you use to?
what if you don't even bother when i get all hysterical over the smallest things?
what if you have already forgotten about me?
i know i should tell myself:

because

whether we'll meet again in future... friends.. foes.. or otherwise.
gor ask my not to think too much, not to read too much into everything.. oki i guess i've made up my mind to do something right now.. so yeah. no regrets girl, cause at this point of time. its something that i really want to do.
someday, i'm going to reach my goal of being a :

dumb cheerful girl!!!!!woo~~
Saw this on tumblr:
"Being in a relationship: It’s not about the labels or becoming official. It’s about getting to know someone well enough to develop genuine feelings for them. It’s about being understanding and forgiving when situations are at their worst. It’s about loving someone, not for what they have to offer but who they are. It’s never about blaming your significant other for not treating you like how you want to be treated, it’s about how hard they try to keep you around."
i know that i tried my best to keep you around. for that year, i felt that i know you. so that's that. :)

=do something right=

stop the madness, before it explodes!

2011-06-02T21:18:00.001+08:00

i haven't done this in a very long time--- vomit.
disgusting!! twice. i can feel it coming up from my stomach.. sigh.. being sick is not fun at all. not fun at all!!
wednesday, went on a shopping spree with mum.wasn't feeling well.. so yeah. but i got lots of clothes at one shot!! yes.. no need to shopfor anything anymore. expect three-quarters and dress. but whatever. my style, my rules :) cool!.
yeasterday was kind of scary.. cause i suddenly saw someone with an uncanny resemblance!! =S my stomach literally lurched forward.. and my heart started beating really fast. phew.. luckily its not what i thougt it was. phew.. haha
anyways, had to cancel my plan to watch x-men today.. but its oki. can watch on monday hopefully. tmr i want to go for camp!! heck. i'm going todrag myself there!! so better sleep early tonight!
anyways, intro a new song here:

Its Awesome!!!! haha Charice! :)
It's not a question of love
'Cuz our love has never changed.
But all the little things keep piling up
And life keeps getting in the way

Don't make this harder than it is
We both knew we'd come to this
Better now than in a year
With lots of tears
And we both hate each other
The fuse has already lit
So how about a final kiss?
And just let it go

[Chorus]

Stop the madness,
Before it explodes
Before it's out of our control
Let's stop the madness
Before it explodes
We gotta let it go
Before it all explodes

[Charice - Verse 2]

Some things we won't understand
And we're both so tired of being misunderstood
So let's just turn and walk away
And hold on to what was good

Don't make this harder than it is
We both knew we'd come to this
Better now than in a year
With lots of tears
And we both hate each other
The fuse has already lit
So how about a final kiss?
And just let it go

[Chorus]

Stop the madness
Before it explodes
Before it's out of our control
Let's stop the madness
Before it explodes
We gotta let it go
Before it all explodes

[Bridge]

There ain't nothing that can save us
We're too close to the end
And what's the use of going on
If we lie to each other, every word that is said
It's too late for us now
Cuz we can hear the countdown
It's getting close
Stop the madness!

[Chorus]

Before it explodes
Before it's out of our control
Let's stop the madness
Before it explodes
We gotta let it go
Before it all explodes

=do something right=

evermore

2011-05-30T11:14:00.001+08:00

Happy birthday Miss LEE!!!

oki, i did it!! i pressed the button and submitted my online applications to NTU!! bio science, here i come!! woo!!~~ actually it wasn't a really tough decision... just that my parents were pressuring me to go nus. plus i got da interview so thought i'd give it a shot.. then in the end what do i get? real estate. it was really tempting though.. with the invitation into the school of design and environment. like woah!! haha the letter was really nice. :) but at the end of the day.. my heard still lies with science. no doubt the prospects of both uni are good. nevertheless. yeah :) woo!! back to my old hangout alone. haha :P

anyways, i dreamt about that void again.. its nto a scary dream.. rather a hateful one. as in i dislike it. like.. i don't want it to happen in real life. for one-- nothing has changed. 2, my work place. 3 what the void spoke. its like.. sigh i don't know. well i don't really want to care right now. doesn't matter. nothing does already. but just that its like i'm being haunted by the void. its scary you know.. i don't know why. probably its just me on my part or is there something more?? i choose to think thatits just me.. whatever the case. i'm still on my own in that sense.

just finished reading evermore by alyson noel. going on to the second book in the series. i think i just renewed my love for reading-- its some form of escape.. cum.. a way to pass time. like what i wrote on my fb. everything moves really swiftly. and all i want to do is just keep flipping the pages. even though i was watching master chef (i'm oki already :)) and reading at the same time, i didn't want to put down the book.. so i read till 12.30am haha really late lol!!! haha but well its nice. got off today. kind of getting sick to the retail life so doing admin in about a week's time. but going back to the store tmr help out in stock take. i really do miss my colleagues. its like.. my boss is my bro. elder bro. the bro i never have. of course i'm not comparing to xiao di or cc got or zy gor. all of them are great. haha but he's so much older that he'll really look out for me :) then ah rome lol my buddy. and crap partner. of course.. not comparing to buddy.. as in both ways.. they give me different forms of support. haha so yeah.. jerome is more of.. advice buddy. actually both also crap buddy xD. sorry buddy but seriouly since you're fos... haha you shoud, know better. :) but i really would miss them. haha

i think i somehow learnt not the really care. i can only control this much--namely my own thoughts and actions. that's all. and i've really toned down a lot. i can control is better now. no more obseesive complusive behaviour.. but i don't think i'm still ready for the ultimate test.. cause itslike.. i really don't know how i'll react. so yeah.something about loss that is you never really stop missing someone.. you just learn to live around the huge gaping hole of their absence. so tsf if you're reading this.. i guess.. maybe i'm too tired to make the first move already. i'll still think about it. maybe..

anyways, i promised cassy and ying shuen to always end off happy. so here are some nice quotes for eveyone. maybe i should post on fb too :)

'if you want to be happy, be'
'happiness is never stopping to think if you are'
'Often people attempt to live their lives backwards; they try to have more things, or more money, in order to do more of what they want, so they will be happier. The way it actually works is the reverse. You must first be who you really are, then do what you need to do, in order to have what you want. '
' happiness is a form of courage'

=do something right=
i don't want to think anymore.

jia you!

2011-05-27T23:56:00.000+08:00

i miss you.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
when the brown enevelope came.. i more or less expected the results since i've checked it up on the joint admissions webbie. so yeah.rather appalled that they gave me my, no 1st duh. not 2nd, not even 3rd. but my 6th choice. which is like.. totally out of this world. haha luckily i didn't put nursing if not i might be given that instead :X no qualms about that haha. but more or less the decision is made up like centuries ago. haha. just some stuff but.. my decision is final. going to face the music. i mean.. like. what ying shuen said also. think of happy stuff i guess. been moody these few days.. and i saw something which i more or less. sigh.. >.< but yeah. nevermind :) things will be fine!! jia you!

had lucky dip today i thin i got the best prize>> x-men first class stationert set haha boos got beast notebook, juliana got disc shooter. lol jerome got trading cards!!! just nice cause he like to trade lol!! haha. left 4 more days till job change. plus.. raybans keep getting stolen from the store!! caught one guy on cctv, jerome said he looks like la bi xiao xing. haha hilarious ttm is kept laughing during my break. side track: i love my braces colour! one thing to be happy about!haha :)

just laugh it off girl. laugh it off. maybe it wouldn't fade.. maybe forever. but. just laugh it off day by day. even if it kills you :)

=do something right=
yes gor, i'll try to forget till fb reminds me. lol but its hard man. its hard!

superhero!

2011-05-25T22:18:00.000+08:00

Happy Birthday Mummy!!! Love you lots!!

' The toolbox was next to him, on the lift roof. Carefully, he opened it. The sides of the case were kined with think sponge. INside, in the specially moulded space, was what looked like a complicated film projector, silver and concave with a thick glass lens. He took it out, then glanced at his watch. Eight thirty-five. It would take him an hour to connect the device to the bottom of Roscoe's lift, and a little more to ensure it was working. He had plenty of time. Smiling to himself, the Gentleman took out a power screwdriver and began to work.

At twelve o'clock, Helen Bosworth called through on the telephone. "Your car is here, Mr Roscoe." "Thank you, Helen." Roscoe hadn't done much that morning. He had been aware that only half his mind was on his work. Once again, he glanced at the photograph on his desk. Paul. How could things have gone so wrong between father and son? And what could have happened in the last few months to make them so much worse?

He stood up, put on his jacket and walked across his office-on his way to lunch with Senator Andrews. He often had lunchs with politicians. They either wanted his money, his ideas.. or him. Anyone as rich as Roscoe was a powerful friend and politicians need all the friends they can get.

He pressed the lift call button and the doors slid open. He took one step forward.

The last thing Michael J Roscoe saw in his life was a lift with white marble walls, a blus carpet and a silver handrail. His right foot, wearing one of the black leather shoes that were hand-made in rome, travelled down to the carpet and kept going...right through it. The rest of his body followed, tilting into the lift and then through it. And then he was falling sixty floors to his death. He was so surprised by what had happenede, that he didn't even cry out. He simply fell into the blackness of the lift-shaft, bounced twice off the wallsm then crashed into he solide concrete of the basement, two hundred metres below.

The life remained where it was. It looked solid but n fact it wasn't there at all. What Roscoe had stepped into was a hologram being projected into the empty space of the lift-shaft where the real lift should have been. The Gentlman had programmed the door to open when Roscoe pressed the call button, and had quietly watched him step into oblivion. If the billionaire had just looked up for a moment, he would have seen the silver hologram projector beaming the image, a few metres above him. But a man getting into a lift on his way to lunch does not look up. The Gentleman had known this. And he was never wrong.'

---that was an excerpt from the first chapter of point blanc by anthony horowitz. haha though buddy lent me this book since march, but i only finished it a couple of days ago. haha been dragging due to some reasons. but i really love how that man died.. its not like the other murders. haha that's the beauty of this book i suppose. in addition, the plot revolves around something called the gemini project, where faceless people mimic people in real life and then they'll undergo plastic surgery to replace the real people. freaky but igenious :) i prefer this to skeleton key. though buddy prefers the latter :P haha. i really do adore mystery and action books. but i'm still waiting for my freakanomics. haha

i've geared myself up with books. manage to borrow evermore. haa though it isn't mystery, some romance here and there, but its dark.kind of like twilight?? i don't know haha. jia you!!.

you know what made me fall even more in love with you.. it was when you told me your ex watched gossip girls. in my mind.. i was like maybe one day. you would watch all the childish shows i like to watch too. just for me. ya. i know. it was maybe. true enough, that maybe didn't happen.

=do something right=

famous last words

2011-05-24T23:55:00.002+08:00

maybe its the rain making me feeling melancholic..
maybe its just me.
i was fine just a few days ago, but not that feeling is bad. that sad stinking feeling. though it takes a shorter time to go away and it comes less frequently, but it is stronger in the sense that it makes me want to cry/brawl/shout every single tiring time. all i want to do is just breakaway.
sometimes i cannot be bothered. sometimes i'll think about it to the point where i'm just too tired to even want to think.
its scary how the thing i think of before i sleep is either the situation.. the person.. or people. usually its the former two. then when i wake up, the first thing in the morning is thinking about the same things. kind of dumb. there. see, i achieved the 'dumb' is my goal. woah. what a feat. ironically.
today.. it started again. actually, it was last night. i tried getting to sleep really quickly but it didn't help as in the morning, my mind started attacking my brain with thoughts. or is it the other way round.
even as i'm typing this and i can hear my dad snores in the living room, tmr would be another unpredictable day.
the truth is, i've stop expecting. really. that was a long time ago, i've moved on. i don't want anything to happen. if it does, i won't know how to react. even if i play impossible scenarios in my head, they are called impossible for a reason.
face it girl, seriously, a mental note to myself. nothing. just this word is enough.
its good to play sad scenarios in my own head to wake myself up from my own deep slumber. its good. although it is sometimes demoralising. but still. i don't know. sometimes i really give up.
the thoughts i'm typing now are really incoherent. but they are what i really want to say.
i've stopped bothering gor and ivy about it. soon it would be ms tay's turn. now its just bunny.
'don't hold on because you think there will be no one else. There will always be someone else. You've got to believe that you are being worth more than being hurt repeatedly by someone who does not really care and believe that someone will see what you're worth and treatyou the way you should be treated.'
i still remember the wall analogy i told tsf a couple of months back. then, when i first hit the wall, it hurts.but after hitting it so many times.. i got numbed to the pain. immune to it and would continue to hit it. tsf said i should instead, walk away from the wall and instead of letting yourself get hurt even more. there's a certain amount of truth in it. true. i have to walk away in order to not let myself get hurt.. but.. what if i've hit the wall till it has a crack. a little crack would turn into a bigger crack.the wall would eventually crumble. but of couse.. maybe all this is just nonsense. i wouldn't wish for anything like that to happen. hmm.. i wonder why the sudden thought of this. haha maybe its just what i said the last time that would surprise even myself.. but anyways..
though every beginning has an end.. but every end is a new beginning of something. i got thrown into something else.. when something ended a few months back.. till now, i'm still trying to end what i'm going through. i don't know. those famous last words.
i really don't know.

=do something right=
the only thing to remind myself is a couple of dates, a winning streak and what you taught me.

the latest buzz

2011-05-19T11:53:00.000+08:00

i just rewatched the video dedication my friends (bunny and sunshine) made me for my 17th birthday. i really love it!! haha cause i loaded bunny's harddisk into mum's com. cause got HIMYM and big biang!! haha plus i got really caught up in 'the latest buzz' the canadian kids show. i got a feeling i'll start talking like them soon. lol.

in addition i got the sudden urge to go shopping.. yes you heard me, shopping. cause i need to buy stuff for uni. haha :) plus a long time since i spent anything on myself.. except the $10 sandals i bought. in addition, for the europe trip, i spent most of my money on my friends. especailly the guys!!!! you people better treasure the knife. its classic and expensive ttm!! haha for the girls, each one got different thing from diff places so yeah :) haha no worries. no one will lose out :)

oki back to the video haha i really think that i'm a little dumb. woo~!!! reaching my goal soon: dumb cheerful girl. now that i got the dumb,i'm left with the cheerful part.. the girl. well.. not chainging to lady or woman anytime soon haha. dumb cause.. what they said was right. i do tend to think alot. hmm.... not because i'm a libra oki!! haha. its just that... maybe i'm a little pessimistic sometimes.. but i need to be so as to not get my hopes high.. be easy on myself.. i need to learn.. cause i've always been hard.. need to be for now. haha maybe in the near future i can relax more? but to my parents, i'm very relaxed already. haha nice law of attraction, be positive xD. yes, i know that you guys would always be behind me and i love you guys lots!!!! tooooo!!! <3 hopefully, i'll grow to be a girl who won't be affected by little little things. haha :] (fyi, asief taught me this emoticon. uber cute right!!!)

currently still working on the book buddy lent me before he enlisted.... haven't return to him yet. haha i'm going to type the front part which is nice!!! uber cool way of killing someone lol. did i mention, detective galileo is nice!! friday 11.30pm!!! seriously late but worth it!! then monday there's human target. oki what i like about detective alileo is the way jap kill people, applying the law of physics to it. haha the episode i watched was the way this jap murderer used laser beams to kill his target--human combustion!! awesome much!! its like he tried 43 times to get the angle right to shoot a carbon atom beam to the reflecting panel on street lamps in japan and unto his target's head, cause his hair to catch fire and then die. woah.. cool!! wonder what would tmr's episode be!! :) actually i heard about this show via a show i watched.. 2 years ago. suspect x. nice!!! a math genius helped his beautiful neighbour to kill someone in order to protect her from being suspected that she killed her husband..which she did..in fact, strangled him using a phone cord.. so as to protect herself and her child from her violent husband. yupyup. then the neighbour seriously went all the way and planned to take her out of suspicion. >.< complicated but nice when how everything is finally revealed. haha really awesome. maybe that's why i like science and watching mystery.. amid all the scary and bloody scenes. :]

oki.. watching let's play love. it rocks and there's huang jing lun!!!!! which makes it even better!! nice nice xD. yup.. hmm then maybe later its point blanc time. or degrassi hmm. degrassi is a bit dark. like gossip girls or the oc. point blanc is action packed.. which would never happened in real life. because how can a fourteen-year-old boy climb up 150 rungs on a ladder whhch is.. i don't know how many storeys high. plus control a craneto hook a barge up, lift it and try to manuver it to place it in the carpark of the police station. woah, the way the nurder killed his victim is even better. jin buddy and neth sng all told me the story, lol till i read it for myself. haha. maybe i should head down to the library later. freakanomics. haha hmm. yupyup. got dinner date with bunny!!! woo~ love her ttm.

-give your all and expect nothing in return-
-should i use gloves to pick up the pieces or my bare hands? pros and cons. pros and cons-
=do something right=
it turns out that 'current life' means 'you're not in it?' i don't want to keep fighting. if you want just ask.
signed, dcg.

2011-05-17T22:50:00.003+08:00

what if it is impossible to get over you?

=do something right=

get out of my head, get out of my way

2011-05-16T10:21:00.000+08:00

blogger has been experiencing a few logging in problems or something so haven't been posting.. anyways, afternoon shift today. haha so i have the perfect opportunity to blog. in addition, i woke up in cold sweat because of a dream. which was quite horrible. there was crying..scolding..and a little bit of happiness. which is like. =X really. even though i can control my consicious mind pretty well. with only the occasional hiccups when i see some stuff.. but it's been good! then this has to happen. does master chef really have this effect on me?? just because of some animated dude who told me excited about the last episode!!! witw! why.. why is it that my subconsicious mind doesn't want to be good. really. sigh. oh well. what can i do. but i feel better after talking to Ms tay. haha nice one :) so yeah.. now quite oki.

junqi gave birth already!! woohoo!! though its one week in advance.. but..THE BABY LOOKS EXACTLY LIKE AH QI!! haha. totally no weijie at all lol!! nice nice so cool!! anyways, i got another job offer... which i think i'm going to take haha. then gor was asking me to ask for a pay rise.. but how to? =X hmm.. not to mention, i got blasted at my a customer.. sigh. it was my fault... cause i ordered the wrong lens. then couldn't reach the customer.. so sigh. he came down.. but heard that he was drunk we all got blasted :( ah rome, uncle simon and me :( apologetic man!!!! :(

lots of stuff happen on my side for that week. so yeah.. hopefully it'll get better. come one man. public holiday is coming!!!

=do something right=
should i be happy cause i'm winning sigh.. >.< :)

2011-05-10T09:26:00.000+08:00

when the bullet was fired i thought...
finally it ended.
but i was wrong,
it didn't.

another battle begin.
this time i'm on my own.
as much support as i have,
i'm the key to victory.

i really need to fight
with all my might
and do what NS guys always do:
Suck thumb, move on.

=do something right=
something aren't fair in this world. though you may be on the losing end. but some things are still worth fighting for.

maybe i can still squeeze into my uniform!

2011-05-09T10:15:00.001+08:00

had trouble getting to sleep last night. though i was decked out in shorts, rather than my usual long pants for pj. but the heat was seriously eating into me. the fan was turned on at 2 already but i didn't help. maybe it was due to the comforter that were wrapped round my legs.. probably didn't need the cover. abandon it i guess.
had flashbacks..just before i fell a sleep. kind of weird.. the flashbacks were all about school. pri sch co, sec sch just running around, jc at the concourse. maybe i did some work before going to sleep last night that's why.. or maybe i really missed those times. the carefree period. the hiongness. the growing up and breaking my heart part. sometimes.. i wish i can relive again.and again and again. even though there were sadness. but still. going through all of them. was really meaningful to me.
i'm so going back on 3rd june. no matter how tired i am. i'll go.
today.. is another kind of special day.. its special because its suppose to be 2 people who remember it. but in the end. i'm the only one remembering it. so its kind of unique? haha. eh.. yup. erm. that's about it. time to eat, head to the shower and off to work.

oh ya forgot to mention!!! i met zy gor.. eh on sat ya GE day. i absolutely adore meeting NS guys. really!!!!! the stories they tell and everything. its like i've been to NS!!!! haha so cool. i sort of got sucked into their lingo. especially when i keep telling myself: SUCK THUMB, MOVE ON. haha nice!!!! encik. encik. encik!! haha so funny. adoring it ttm!!! really. love all the guys who are in NS now and book out to share their experience.. hmm. the 5th may batch.. wonder if i'll have anyone to talk to...they're still doing their BMT....2 weeks confinement. then.. book out.. spend time with love ones.. which i'm not inside lol. haha eh.. my gor and di all POP already. hmm. see how it goes. haha .yeah!!!loving the experience ttm.

=do something right=
16months since we first met & things were never the same again.

it isn't always what they say.

2011-05-08T23:47:00.000+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MURNI!!!
HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!!
all the hype about GE has finally died down after about 7-8 days of rallies and heated arguments through various public media has finally ended. the score 81-6. well. no doubt, this is the time where Singaporeans gathered together so unitedly during the time from 9.30pm to the wee hours of the morning, 3am just to watch the results. the other time was most probably during the world cup season.. and even then i was a sleep. getting only updates from various friends like jin, bud, yu hui etc. haha it was really cool that almost all the lights were still on even till 1am. due to having to work today, i slept at 2am. haha. of course i did not miss the results and was highly active on fb amidst the entire release. to my surprise, the talk of the town.. apart from nicole seah losing marine parade and tin pei ling joining parliment.. with her kate spade stunt and tears... it Yah Ah Mee. that's right.. it sounds like 'yummy' but that's the man. the man who recites the verdict. mr poker face. monotone. well.. its his job all right. so whoever who's interested can check him out on facebook. the other thing about GE was just losing potong pasir... ending Mr chiam's 20 years league. plus WP winning hougang and Aljunied. poor Mr George Yeo.... our foreign minister.. then we have people posting about Dr Vivian Balakrishnan's daughter being very chio.. which i think.. is not man, but i still feel that Mr Khaw Boon Wan's daughter is prettier. haha :) Nus grad oki!! hmmm..
its junqi's last day today as she 'rests' at home.. her maternity leave starts tmr... for like 16 weeks. plus she wants compassionate leave.. that's additional of 3 days. haha. i'll miss her. had a discussion with her about women.. in general. and i found out something really scary.. i must say that.. well. we should just keep our thoughts to ourselves sometimes.. i want to be nice!! :) haha oki. but i'm going to miss her very much!!!! our very responsible and effcient optom!!
going to change job soon... but need to check for reply tmr via mum.
yesterday was bad.. cause i guess i saw many people and thus it made me think back about the times again. kind of annoying i know.. but well. ot to get used to it.. i'm still waiting for a reply so ya. haha today's better. and its going to be tmr soon. most probably going to blog in the morning since i'm doing afternoon shift tmr.
new optom coming. heard that she's really pretty. Miss SP. haha woah. oki.. better tidy myself. plus she speaks english which is cool!! i get to brush up on my skills :) nice. kill two birds with one stoone. hopfully i don't mess up in front of her or embarrass myself.. i guess i tend to do that alot =X haha :P.
oki i'm sweating as i'm typing this post.. sweltering heat.. plus i did not on the fan. haha going to turn in soon i guess. tired..

Saw this somewhere:
Do you know how does it feel like, to be the one who always have to let go?
The way it keeps tearing apart, and the way you have to keep putting things up together to make it alright.
I won't say I can't make it through, but it's so tiring somedays I feel like I just want to take a break, maybe a very long break.
Yes, I'll try to think of the better things, hopefully (:

i'm not complaining. i don't want to anyways.. though sometimes i cannot help myself. but hey. i'll be fine. haha.
see you tmr!
=do something right=

dididaditu

2011-05-05T10:12:00.003+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TAN EE LIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i'm so going for the presentation even if i go alone!!! 21st may.. oki better mark on my calendar ++ need to rsvp before 19 may. all right. hmm.but a bit sad.. if i go alone. oh well. its my future, my course so just go ahead with it. haha.
how was yesterday? totally freaky!!! its the SCARIEST interview in my entire life. serious!! just sitting outside the conference room, my heart was racing. thumping.beating extremely fast. really the effect was monstrous. the questions asked were weird too.. like 'you got an A for PW, tell me more about your project' and 'has it made you more interested in social work?'. the best one was 'what do you think you did that made you get a c for bio' nice.. really nice. harping on my flaws already. haha 'what would be the determining factor for you to choose between ntu or nus' like huh? oki. fine. you want me to answer, i answer. haha i think i sort of 'insulted' the prof by saying.. i don't like physics cause i think its a guy thing. sorry prof. xP haha well.. good experience. the funny thing was they were hoping to see something written under the discretionary column of the application but i didn't write anything... eh.. the reason is simple. i didn't plan on using discretionary in the first place!! then write for what?? incredulous.
but i found out something.. they really do focus only on your As. hmm.. not that i have many for them to focus on.. only 2. but its enough since.. the lady did say getting an A for PW is impressive not to mention the other subject... oh well.. don't think so much, its over.o-v-e-r. so just see how..
last night was not bad.. but i was hoping that the song would come from the speaker rather than humans singing. but at least we tried to give her a surprise xD. hoped that lin liked it. sat down to talk....and then i'm surprised that rahmah reads my blog. like really!! haha i didn't know anybody reads my blog. like seriously, even though i've been updating.. i don't think anyone would have the patience to read this entire chunk of words, right down to every single fulstop. i'll applaud if you did. haha. basically the trick to reading this blog is to take it like i'm talking to you. plus the expressions on my face are generally the same if you noticed :) haha. so yeah. that simple. teehee~
nice catch-up... and i really miss jss!! especially the building.climbing up 4 levels for 4 years to the class room.. dumping my bag and heading down for assembly. preparing this and that. having to reach school in the wee hours of the morning. oh boy i'm getting nostalgic. haha oki. better go eat more since i'm still on medication. jia you people!
i must say that the second batch of army boys are going/have gone in today and tmr. haha take care and have fun. the previous batch. 2 more days to book out!! haha to gor: i'm so going to win!! bleah :P

=do something right=
asking me to forget you..its kind of impossible. but this dumb cheerful girl will always be here.

dumb cheerful girl

2011-05-04T12:19:00.000+08:00

another 2 and a half hours..... nervous? you betcha.. i mean come on.. this is not something i'm good in. talking maybe yes.. answering questions.. crappily maybe. but.. politically correct answers? hmm.. that's a challenge. hmm.. miss lee and jin says to be yourself. veron says to show sincerity *ting ting* haha boss say. just answer what they ask. haha. if they ask: what is the most amazing discovery you've ever come across haha you know what happened yesterday?? i logged onto fb via boss' iphone to check msgs. then i logged out. afterwhich, boss logged back into his acc. the profile is his, the news feed is mine!!!!!! wah i burst out laughing. seriously. ah rome was sick yesterday so... only let boss man and me. haha uber funny. he let me play chop chop ninja on his iphone. then i ask him to help me. haha hilarious. i laughed till i got biscuit crumbs on his sweater. sorry boss!! but boss was nice. he treat me to rocher tau huay!!! everyone is very nice to me!! bliss~~ ah..... ah rome will treat me drinks and give me advice. good one out of the blue.. funny ones if you ask him. haha =P but really. enjoy working there.. though i need to scout for an admin job soon. oh well. sort of patched with bunny yesterday. lol.. thanks* for the effort girl. i really appreciate it!! :) i think my relations are going quite well. jia you! keep it up. i don't want to bother about those who hurt me and stuff. its quite tiring to keep a tab on them. i'll be this dumb cheerful girl. if they want to hurt me then let them hurt haha xD. i don't mind. really!!!
this moring was self-rationalising again. lo and behold. more or less got enlightened.... even though its still a little hard. but i'm working on it!! well.. thanks to the face appearing 3 times in my sleep last night. so scary. jolted up 3 times.. nightmare man!!! haha but oki manage to get back to sleep and shove that face out.. woowee~~ haha.
sometimes i do think that i'm evil. but nevertheless. i wish well for everyone... even though some people may say otherwise.. i don't know. its still too early to tell and now we're on different level. to cc gor: i'll not lose haha. 1 more day and then YESAR!! haha. score man. it would be so easy to win from now. haha :) bleah.
i did something yesterday.. and i wonder if i did the right thing.. maybe it was in a fit of the moment.. that i was kind of affected. but i think that maybe i did the right thing.. sometimes i do feel like i'm the only person trying to make this friendship work. but now. i know everyone puts in effort. and i should recognise them for that. so yeah... i don't want to say much. i just want to let everyone know that i treasure all my friendships.. i really appreciate you guys. even though i may not have a very good personality. i'm not always there for you guys. but if you need help please ask. i'm not super sensitive and i believe in one's own strength. so if you need me please use a loud hailer. haha.
don't think anything drastic is going to happen soon. maybe just grappling with uni admissions.. but i know i shouldn't worry. like what ivy said. why worry about something that you cannot control? just do my best and smile. keep smiling. i got a feeling that i'm closer to my goal of being a dumb cheerful girl. haha :) dumb jiu dumb. what's there to be afraid of?
lesson of the day: happiness is a skill. you need to learn to be thankful for the things you have, instead of harping on the things you don't.
if you got heart and soul, you can rock and roll!~~~~~

i learnt a lot from different teachers last year and this year. though some teachers were not that good, but i still manage to grasp the gist, and it wasn't an easy feat. though i have no idea what challenges might come. but i know that i'll face it with a braced-faced smile.

=do something right=

viral infection. what's new?

2011-05-02T18:57:00.000+08:00

i found the courage to play wedding dress yesterday.
signs that i'm getting better i guess??
viral infection of the throat. antibiotics.. the syrup i totally hate--cough syrup. phlemy cough.now still ongoing what's next?
the only good thing is that i still can eat anything except cold drinks and stuff. so yeah. oki... hopefully i'll get better soon.
and by soon, i mean reallllllll soon!!

=do something right=
maybe someday, i'll find the strength to eat mr bean 3-in-1 tang yuan beancurd again....

how it feels like to be sick -.-

2011-05-01T23:33:00.001+08:00

News flash: i'm sick.. again. haha what's new?
took the day off today.. kept coughing. not to mention sneezing and now my eyes are affected??
maybe i sneeze too much?? i have no idea.. taking the day off tmr too.
important date coming up this week. cannot and will not miss it for the world!!! if i do.. i guess i would regret. so yeah. haha. must get well soon. anyways i will do my best!
no double pay :( nvm. this month still got two more days. haha jia you!!!
i really like working with my colleagues. i really admire their spirit, experiences and advise they give me. not forgetting the jokes that they like to crack with me or about me or on me. haha always saying that i'm the noisy one.. they can hear my voice from the escalator. hello. not my fault oki!!! my volume is like that. haha
boss, ah rome, ah qi.. and occasionally.. optom relief like elaine and nurul. haha really very fun!!. but i may be changin job soon. admin for weekdays then sales for weekends. haha yupyup. just keep myself busy i guess. rather than stay at home and not doing anything. i don't really have people to go out with too. haha so yeah. :) plus what zy gor told me really woke me up. i realy should go brush up already. oki plans plans.
hmm.. i was quite surprised yesterday by what a photo can tell others about yourself.. may not be true.. but still shocked me.. its like. who are we really? can a photo really allow someone to see through you? i really emphasise to just be sincere to everyone. simple. sometimes... you may behave differently towards different people.. but its never true is it? i don't know.. i have no comments regarding this. i'm not perfect either and i have my flaws. if i've offended anyone, i apologise. but.. sometimes i do wonder... this facade.. us humans. are we that pathetic?
side track a bit. i just found the most simple hairstyle that i'm going to weaar in uni. haha will make me look like a nerd but who cares. haha its not a fashion show or anything. :) so going to wear that. i would help lessen pimples and help in eye sight too!! :)
oki back.. just hope that. everyhting would be fine.
seriously.. my nose is killing me >< press on!!
been really tired lately. covering myself up with layers and layers of stuff. just to keep myself occupied. many ask, what are you trying to do to yourself? i don't know how to answer.. i don't know.. but i think i'm doing the right thing...
was broswing through my mp4 then i found this song:

If anyone asks
I'll tell them we both just moved on
When people all stare
I'll pretend that I don't hear them talk
Whenever I see you I'll swallow my pride and bite my tongue
Pretend I'm okay with it all
Act like there's nothing wrong

[Chorus]
Is it over yet
Can I open my eyes
Is this as hard as it gets
Is this what it feels like to really cry
Cry

If anyone asks
I'll tell them we just grew apart
What do I care if they believe me or not
Whenever I feel your memory is breaking my heart
I'll pretend I'm okay with it all
Act like there's nothing wrong

[Chorus]

I'm talking in circles
I'm lying, they know it
Why won't this just all go away

[Chorus]

kelly clarkson's cry. haha i think the lyrics cught on last year.. so i downloaded it. but it wasn't up to my mood then. now.. i guess its more of the melody and stuff. its not bad. so go and listen to it!! :)
forgot what i wanted to say.. eh.. oki skip and write this down first:
when i was bathing. i had this revelation about blogs.. hmm. private/personal/public. one will never know. some people use blogs like a diary.. ppouring out their feelings.. agitations and emotions. others use it as some sort of memory book. noting down dates and events. more of people and fun rather than feelings i guess a blog.. is just a way to store stuff too haha like a box. but you can do it in words/pictures.. any way you like it. haha so yeah. i guess it is kind of like a cool tool. anyways, i think my lappy is giving way. i think i need to do a backup for my documents.. then.. eh either get a new on or reformat. need to ask boss. he's the expert. haha oki.. hmm. read my 'other pages' on fb. haha really i still do agree with all of them which i liked :) haha some things will never change.. at least i won't change. 10 years down the road.. i'll still be like this?? i don't know. good or bad. you guys decide. xD.
i found out that i have a pattern when i blog and that is i'll always put some lyrics and then pictures. oki. so here are the pictures. i wished that they taught us this in maths:

even though.. i was meant to forget you.

the caption is not bad :) but i adore the background!! hmm.. maybe can borrow the background and put..'night has come, but daybreak is always near' haha or somehting like that.
something for my xiao di if he comes:

this week i saw many people doing stuff that i used to do.. so kind of miss it. haha but i know.. i know.
i promise no emo posts so yeah. not going to be emo.
hmm oki sincerity to yourself and others then heck all the way!!!!!!! lol!!~
take care till then!

oh i suddenly remember what i wanted to say!! i don't want to be sick anymore!!! i don't want to see my parents worry or work so hard. i want to be well again. oki. after this, when i get well, i'm not going to get sick anymore!! yeah!

=do something right=

all at once.

2011-04-27T12:06:00.001+08:00

got another surprising news this morning..
ah. now i'm a bit confuse.... hmm.. don't know what's my decision.
hmm.. i think i'll just go for it and see where it takes me. jia you.

been having lots of weird thought again..
i found out that my memories are made up of ticket stubs and flashbacks.
took a walk down memory lane.. not sure how many times i'll be doing it.. but it seems that.. everywhere i go, they'll be little traces. oh well.. we'll take it as it comes :)

anyways, its starting to be better with tsf already . which is good. though sometimes i'm still a little affected but i manage to control and everything so yeah. i think we're off to a good start :)

be positive!! think positive!! :)

watching let's play love. lol so funny. esp bryan wong and michelle chia. hmm. just watch for fun i guess ;)
later going out.... that's about all.

take care all you people!

wait i must interrupt!! huang jing lun is uber cute and sweet~love him ttm!!!!
lol theory: the best maggie mee in the world is....................any brand of maggie mee as long as one is hungry, any maggie mee is nice!!! oki.. i should put a song.. chinese song? cause the shop has been playing 88.3 jia fm. haha hmm..
but i don't remember any songs.. like... all very nice.. dotz. oki maybe this one

我隔着他后院的篱笆
巧碰见他拨弄你头发
我没咬指甲假装很优雅
把泪擦一擦说结束吧
和他的童话放回书架
就当回忆是张借书卡
记录我的傻感情去了哪
如今都搁下才不复杂
请代我爱他请代我转达
去爱他所爱不必苦苦挣扎
有些人的心门钥匙只有一把
既然不是我我不会做假
请代我爱他请代我表达
说祝福的话我暂时没办法
放手是长大是伟大
还是爱就得学潇洒
我们都不必担心害怕
追求幸福难免有疙瘩
走出象牙塔任风吹雨打
才懂得爱就得学潇洒

=do something right=

push it

2011-04-24T23:00:00.002+08:00

i'm tired. i'm sick.
don't know what's my problem. but nevermind. jia you oki girl!!!! you can do it. even if you do it with tears. really. you can do it!!!

sick.. again. oki. it's ibs. as usual. doctor says that its caused by stress. but its the holidays now.. what stress??
i sat down and thought about it. i finally gathered some thoughts. about my decision. i've told them to some people. yup. more or less it is about some deicisions. to my tsf mama: its one factor.. but not the only factor and not really a heavy factor so don't worry. it's my personal problem. i won't let you get involve. i told you that i'd protect you, i keep that promise.

i've sorted it out with myself. i really should just do what i can now to make my body feel better. yup. then regarding that situation, i still can take it. though its like my brain says one thing, my body feels another. its infuriating. i really need to recover fast. i can recover fast. i need to work harder, cause i really cannot let the void affect me. haha. but yes.. my hand was quivering when i wrote it.i was afraid tears would fall. so the words didn't turn out as nice as i hope it would be. but yeah.. still void... won't affect.

not sure how long. i keep saying that. >< bad habit. but from how i see it... its good. at least someone's happy :) so yeah. jia you clare go and make this world a happy place!!!

its easter sunday today, so it should be a happy day cause Christ rose again to save us!! yeah. thank God that i got my letter already. really. though i'm still waiting for another one... not sure if i'll get it. but yeah! have faith!!!

come on body, recover. don't let others to keep worrying for you. if you want to let it out then do it and then that's it. jia you!!!

The Only Exception
When I was younger, I saw my daddy cry
And curse at the wind
He broke his own heart and I watched
As he tried to reassemble it

And my momma swore that
She would never let herself forget
And that was the day that I promised
I'd never sing of love if it does not exist

But darling, you are the only exception
You are the only exception
You are the only exception
You are the only exception

Maybe I know, somewhere deep in my soul
That love never lasts
And we've got to find other ways to make it alone
Or keep a straight face

And I've always lived like this
Keeping a comfortable distance
And up until now I had sworn to myself that I'm content with loneliness
Because none of it was ever worth the risk

But you are the only exception
You are the only exception
You are the only exception
You are the only exception

I've got a tight grip on reality
But I can't let go of what's in front of me here
I know you're leaving in the morning when you wake up
Leave me with some kind of proof, it's not a dream, oh

You are the only exception
You are the only exception
You are the only exception
You are the only exception

You are the only exception
You are the only exception
You are the only exception
You are the only exception

And I'm on my way to believing
Oh, and I'm on my way to believing

i found out that i learnt this on the trip:

sometimes we try so hard to capture every single moment with a camera, when i actual fact, the best moments are the ones that your eyes capture. they stay in your memory the longest. when you close your eyes, the pictures.. the images.. the actions they flash by. so vividly. no matter how you try to stay away from them, they keep coming back.

gor told me that to cover old memories you have to make new ones. i've made many new memories. but maybe they are of a different genre. even though i got a feeling that some memories can never be covered, i have yet to try it out. maybe in the near future. i still need time,and strength. i've gotten courage. but i need those two weapons.
haha did something cool with gor :) hopefully i'll still remember it xD. hmm. mix feelings about it.. cause.. i don't want to lose.. but sometimes i got the 'i don't mind losing' mindset but. no!! i must stay firm. haha i'll not lose xD.

healthy mind healthy body. come on clare. PUSH YOURSELF!!!

=do something right=
2 brusies, 1 blister. diarrhoea for 4 days. haha i'm still alive even though i didn't let you know all these things.
i won't lose!

home

2011-04-19T10:45:00.005+08:00

hey peeps!! i'm back in Singapore. haha my trip has ended and woah. didn't notice, but Singapore's weather is pretty hot. as in really.
took the airbus back home!!!! A380!!! haha and sat on the upper deck. coolness man!! :) but its was so~so.. cause i had a splitting headache for the first few hours. the French guy beside me (no offence, he's nice and everything.. at least he allowed me to move in and out to use the lavoratory without complaining) but his' opera music is seriously.... a bit too loud?? haha but overall its oki :)

oki.. if i were to talk about my entire trip, its bound to bore you. you got to experience it for yourself ;) so i'm just going to blog about my favourite part : its obvious isn't it, INTERLAKEN!!! the trip to jungfrau york. uber cool!!!! for the first time in my entire 18 years... i got to see snow, and it is not just ordinary snow. its falling snow!!! seriously, when i stuck my hand out of the train ledge and seeing the snowflakes fall onto my palm, the glove and everything.. it was simply.. magical!!! haha i'll remember that feeling for a lifetime :)

the train ride up the mountain took about 45mins each, changed to 2 trains. haha then we were at about 3000+m. We went out to hike!!! IN THE SNOW!! i tell you.. though its seriously freezing and everything, i thought i had frostbite on my feet, but its worth it!!! seriously haha then mum couldn't take it =X.. so dad and me had to continue to adventure on our own after lunch to 3573m the top of it. haha sure glad that i did :) the air was even more fresh than the one inside the building. so stayed outside for quite some time :) haha. pics should be up in fb if i have the time and if the com permits me to upload them. but interlaken was worth it.

the other snowy place where we went to was mount titlis. not as high as jungfrau (pronouced as yong-frown), but the highlight was the revoloving cable car that we took. not as great as i thought it would be. the normal cable car ride was better. i enjoyed the process, though i really dislike that decending part. got the feeling of your heart going into your mouth. haha =X. but oki, it was a nice experience and trip with my family.

another memorable part was seeing the Effiel Tower being lighted up at night, while we're cruising along in a boat. haha its magnificient. oki, my camera has like 10 over pictures of JUST THE TOWER haha not me, my mum JUST THE TOWER. haha so funny. but it would be better if the night wasn't that chilly. haha, but photography by the River Seine was fun :) i got to admit. haha nice :)

what should i talk about next.. the hotels!! haha the hotels keep getting better..BECAUSE the first hotel was horrible. haha really funny. that 4 stars.. then aunt janet say 2 stars only. uncle ronnie was like. what 2 stars? 1 and a half. haha so funny!!!. the second hotel to me was the best :) the quid. which means to think. the last hotel was not bad too. raddison blu. haha the second hotel was 'heaven' haha and when we ask dennis (our tour manager) what about the next hotel. he replied: if this was heaven, then for the next night, welcome back to earth. haha. but it wasn't that bad. not too shabby, as compared to the first one--which ironically, we stayed for like 2 nights. and the rest only 1 night. i don't really like the packing and unpacking and packing again. haha same as wearing the coat, then taking it off, then wearing it back again. haha very troublesome. yupyup. haha :) hmm.. meals were not bad though. i did have a hearty meal... except for the 2nd night. where we had to buy pizze takeaway.. which was also oki imo.. just a bit dry and boring. the pizza in italy is different from the one in Singapore, which has the Singapore zest and sling to it, just to suit our Singaporean tastebuds. the ones in Italy are thin crusted with very,very little toppings on top. yup. haha. but i enjoyed meals cause they were always filled with laughter :)

the rest.. i'll have it written down in my travel log. haha though its a little incomplete.. but more or less everything is there. oh did i mention, i visited the colosseum and the leaning tower of Pisa too :) nice!

hmm.. many would ask if i enjoyed myself. ttytt. i did. espeically in Switzerland. cause that was the highlight. i found out that i really don't like shopping. Went to Galleria Lafettya. seriously.. so what if its all cheap branded goods. its hot, humind, confunsing and stuffy with so many peopl around. i really don't like crowded areas. they give me a headache. in addition, i don't really buy bags or clothes or shoes for that matter so yeah. that's one part which i didn't really enjoy.

but i adore switzerland... then did i think about some stuff.. yeah i did.. i really did. it was hard.. cause its still early.. i still do lose my appetite halfway...when i suddenly think of something.. or have random flashbacks when i walk down the street. or look away when i see people doing stuff that i used to do.. so that i won't think so much. i still did think. =X but its good in a way i guess, sends me back to reality and hey.. i'm still here haha. just that i'm still a little lost i guess.

its kind of like that. but.. yeah whatever. haha :)

many say follow your heart.. but given my circumstances.. i have to follow my brain. i'm obliged to i guess :) haha what to do. think. just keep thinking.
people might ask.. why are you still thinking.. what's left of it? i don't have an answer to that. maybe someday when i die, you can open my brain and scan it? but no worries.. i don't have anything more.. i won't do anything more i guess.. cause... its just like that. haha. though i still wake up every morning feeling weird. but then i have to live with that.

on this trip, music has also become my solace. only God and music can understand me.

the song that has accompanied me on bus journeys to the next destination:
Back to December
I’m so glad you made time to see me
How’s life, tell me how’s your family
I haven’t seen them in a while
You’ve been good, busier than ever
Small talk, work and the weather
Your guard is up and I know why
Because the last time you saw me
Is still burning in the back of your mind
You gave me roses and I left them there to die

So this is me swallowing my pride
Standing in front of you saying I'm sorry for that night
And I go back to December all the time.
It turns out freedom ain’t nothing but missing you
Wishing I'd realized what I had when you were mine (what you had when i was yours?)
I go back to December turn around and make it all right
I go back to December all the time.

These days I haven’t been sleeping
Staying up late playing back myself leaving
When your birthday passed and I didn’t call
Then I think about summer
All the beautiful times I watched you laughing from the passenger side
And realized I loved you in the fall
And then the cold came and the dark days
When fear crept into my mind
You gave me all your love
And all I gave you was goodbye

So this is me swallowing my pride
Standing in front of you saying I’m sorry for that night
And I go back to December all the time.
It turns out freedom ain’t nothing but missing you
Wishing I realized what I had when you were mine
I go back to December turn around and change my own mind
I go back to December all the time.

I miss your texting, your sweet smiles.
So good to me, so right
And how you held me in your arms that September night
The first time you ever saw me cry (i think it was august..you heard me)
Maybe this is wishful thinking
Probably mindless dreaming
If we loved again I swear I’d love you right
I’d go back in time and change it but I can’t
So if the chain is in your door I understand

But this is me swallowing my pride standing in front of you saying I'm sorry for that night
And I go back to December
It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you
Wishing I'd realized what I had when you were mine
I'd go back to December turn around and make it all right
I'd go back to December turn around and change my own mind
I go back to December all the time
All the time

That should be Me
Everybody's laughing in my mind
Rumours spreading about this other guy
Do you do what you did when you did with me,
Does he love you the way I can?
Did you forget all the mem's that you made with me
Cause baby I didn't

That should be me holding your hand
That should be me making you laugh
That should be me this is so sad
That should be me that should be me
That should be me feeling your kiss
That should be me buying you gifts
This is so wrong
I can't go on
'Till you believe that
That should be me
That should be me

You said you needed a little time for my mistakes
It's funny how you used that time to have me replacedDid you think that I wouldn't see you out at the movies
What you doin' to me
You're taking him where we used to go
Now if you're tryin' to break my heart
It's working cause you know that

That should be me holding your hand
That should be me making you laugh
That should be me this is so sad
That should be me that should be me
That should be me feeling your kiss

That should be me buying you gifts
This is so wrong
I can't go on
'Till you believe

That should be me

(Bridge)

I need to know should I fight for love
Or disarm
It's getting harder to shield
It's breaking my heart
Ooooh
That should be me holding your hand
That should be me making you laugh
That should be me this is so sad
That should be me that should be me
That should be me feeling your kiss
That should be me buying you gifts
This is so wrong
I can't go on
'Till you believe
That that should be me
(Holding your hand)
That should be me
(The one making you laugh (oh baby oh))
That should be me
That should be me
(Giving you flowers)
That should be me
(Talking for hours oh)
That should be me
That should be me
That should be me
Never should've let you go
I never should've let you go
That should be me
I never should've let you go
That should be me

the songs are nice. espcically the melody :) haha should listen to them. not so much of the lyrics. i'm more for the tune :) yeah!
hmmm.. i'm currently still sorting out the photos and everything.. so will spend a little time on them. till then. haha going back to work soon too!! :) cannot wait. hope everyone would like what i got for them. not cheap oki!! haha
till then do take care people!(don't think i'll see you ever again. take care..but you'll be fearless with her. so you would be fine. yeah.)

p.s BIG BANG THEORY ROCKS!! its hilarious.. i think its better than how i met your mother. haha :P
p.p.s after reading rahmah's blog.. i found out.. that i'm also very worried about my uni admissions.. cause it seems that none of them have replied yet.. sigh.bad feeling about this.. just hope that everything is well go man!

= do something right=

bologna

2011-04-11T02:26:00.000+08:00

woohoo!!!! finally there's internet connection!!! yay!
haha. its only day 4 but i kind of miss singapore already. especially the people. the food and everything is fine. just that familiarity sure beats everything else :) haha. cool though, the culture and everything.
tmr i'll be going to venice the city that is made up of 17 different small little islands. photos would be a must. i'm starting to worry that 16 gb isn't enough for this trip. oh well, we'll see.

i really cannot believe it, I WENT TO ROME!! like seriously haha. o have photos to prove it oki!!oops almost forgot to mention, i'm at bologna now.
singapore is faster here by 6 hours. so its 8pm here. haha so cool!!
hmm.. oki, i think not much to write.
just blogging from the hotel's internet. love it here!!

take care people!!!

=do something right=

before i say goodbye...

2011-04-07T09:42:00.002+08:00

everyone do take care.

=do something right=
didn't tell you my plan..so i won't have to say goodbye to you.cause you don't really know/care.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Loser Like Me

Yeah, you may think that I'm a zero
But, hey, everyone you wanna be
Probably started off like me
You may say that I'm a freakshow (I don't care)
But, hey, give me just a little time
I bet you're gonna change your mind

All of the dirt you've been throwin' my way
It ain't so hard to take, that's right
'Cause I know one day you'll be screamin' my name
And I'll just look away, that's right

Just go ahead and hate on me and run your mouth
So everyone can hear
Hit me with the words you got and knock me down
Baby, I don't care
Keep it up, and soon enough you'll figure out
You wanna be
You wanna be
A loser like me
A loser like me

Push me up against the locker
And hey, all I do is shake it off
I'll get you back when I'm your boss
I'm not thinkin' 'bout you haters
'Cause hey, I could be a superstar
I'll see you when you wash my car

All of the dirt you've been throwin' my way
It ain't so hard to take, that's right
'Cause I know one day you'll be screamin' my name
And I'll just look away, that's right

Just go ahead and hate on me and run your mouth
So everyone can hear
Hit me with the words you got and knock me down
Baby, I don't care
Keep it up, and soon enough you'll figure out
You wanna be
You wanna be
A loser like me
A loser like me
A loser like me

Hey, you, over there
Keep the L up-up in the air
Hey, you, over there
Keep the L up, 'cause I don't care
You can throw your sticks, and you can throw your stones
Like a rocket, just watch me go
Yeah, l-o-s-e-r
I can only be who I are

Just go ahead and hate on me and run your mouth
So everyone can hear
Hit me with the words you got and knock me down
Baby, I don't care
Keep it up, and soon enough you'll figure out
You wanna be
You wanna be
A loser like me
A loser like me

Just go ahead and hate on me and run your mouth
So everyone can hear
Hit me with the words you got and knock me down
Baby, I don't care
Keep it up, and soon enough you'll figure out
You wanna be
You wanna be
A loser like me (A loser like me)
A loser like me (A loser like me)
A loser like me
started the day high with this song!! haha i guess it'll be the last opportunity for me to blog already!! need to go and busy myself with stuff already. oki.

take care all you people!!!

=do something right=

jotting down thoughts..

2011-04-06T17:33:00.002+08:00

not sure if i'll have the luxury of blogging tmr. still got plenty of stuff to do. lots of stuff undone!! haha

but right now i thinki have to squeeze out some time to blog. if not my fingers would be itching sooner or later xD.

i think i would be blogging in.. kind of like a 'strict' neat fashion.. no idea why, but stuff keeps popping up in my head. most prob i'll number them down one by one.. as usual.

1) uni application. its obvious i'm starting to get really paranoid. talked to my ct. she says not to worry. veron dear also say i just need to pass the interview. but i don't know. what if i don't ever get the letter? =X drats. my results are seriously just.. average?? or below average? i just hope that the letter(s) will come soon

2) i think i overexerted myself today again? haha going to feel the pain tmr. off day today so went gymming. usual.. but its been a long time since i visit the good old gym. this time its was cass. :) haha nice workout donw. hopefully i can take it tmr. i won't fall sick. haven't fall sick since stomach flu that time. but don't worry. i'll be oki :)

3) piano. i know i must really work hard. i'm going to get distinction for it!! i really should. though its not my last year, but at least it looks good!! then off to dip. dip must work extra hard too. jia you for piano. i must make myself fall in love with scales and alligator crawl. dotz.. while i was having lesson just now.. had the sudden thought that i should have taken grade 8 when i was like.. sec 4 or something. at least i was more obedient. haha unlike now.. keep whining and finding fault with the piece. bad girl >.< so i should really put my mind, heart and soul into it. really. i'm not going to retake or what. as in.. i don't want to fail and waste my parent's money. its not cheap! so what if i pay for myself.. still!!

4) i think my generation gap with my parents is really wide.. i cannot seem to communicate with them sometimes.. its bad.. i don't feel like talking to my parents sometimes. i just want to be shut in my own world. i can support myself and everything. work and push myself.. but i know that communication between them and me is of utmost importance. my dad has total trust in me. i still have to take care of my mum. she's very blur. though sometimes the questions she ask.. seriously makes me feel like knocking her on the head but still. i love her lots. haha i don't think i'll be able to survive without them sometimes. haha :) yeah, so i think i really need to try and make the effort.. don't let them worry too much and stuff. esp uni and my own life.

5) my job rocks. haha really. haha i don't mind doing full shift and stuff. cause the people there are nice :) though there's been some cock-ups here and there, but still haha laughters all the way. junqi is so street-smart, really admire her. haha hopefully she give births to a healthy baby boy yeah :) and boss. ahaha don't be so forgetful!! haha jerome is still on with his ufo madness haha. but a lot of people are leaving.=X don't know.. hmm.. i got other job offers, but i still need to sort out my stuff.. my schedule and everything.really need to think..

6) a self-confessed pig. haha i have no idea why i always think of eating or sleeping. haha no idea :P

7) those stuff. >.< sigh.. sometimes somethings will trigger it. don't like it. haha but sometimes i'll just smile i guess. i remember i saw this long quote :

'I’ll be fine, the pain will subside, like how it always did. The sun still rises in the morning, life still goes on. Everytime I thought I wouldn’t survive, or that I can’t live without you, I’ll look back &; hey, I’ve survived so many days without you, happily. So tell me, can I live without you? Yes, of course. :) Pain is inevitable, but suffering is optional. I’m not gonna suffer because of you. I’m not gonna let one person affect my life. Look, I still have zillions of people whom I can smile to, zillions of people who can make my day. So why why why why why why why can’t I get over you right.'

haha pretty cute don't you think? i kind of understand when weijin told me: do stuff that make you happy and not what make others happy. haha i kind of apply it a little in my life now. haha :) don't know ba.. i guess cause now things have died down. everything for me is over already. kind of stupid to keep harbouring any thoughts.. though you know you cannot help yourself. hmm.. so just move on like that. cause its a habit already. haha just that now. its nothing :)

8) listening to more english songs than chinese songs?? avoiding some songs though :P haha but came across fanfan's new song.. courtesy of iweekly. the tune isn't catchy, but the song title sounds nice, sweet and romantic!!

;最重要的决定

我常在想应该再也找不到

任何人像你对我那么好

好到我的家人也被照料

我的朋友还为你撑腰

你还是有一堆毛病改不掉

拗起来气得??仙女都跳脚

可是人生完美的事太少

我们不能什么都想要

你是我最重要的决定

我愿意每天在你身边苏醒

就连吵架也很过瘾不会冷冰

因为真爱没有输赢只有亲密

我愿意打破对未知的恐惧

就算流泪也能放晴将心比心

因为幸福没有捷径只有经营

nice lyrics don't you think?? haha especially the part where the friends are all supportive and everything. haha plus communication between the couple and everything. uber awesome :) oki.. i think i should expand my vocabulary someday :)

for english songs... rascal fatts is not bad!!

These days

Hey baby, is that you?

Wow, your hair got so long

Yeah, yeah, I love it, I really do

Norma Jean, ain't that the song we'd sing in the car

Drivin' downtown, top down, makin' the rounds

Checking out the bands on Doheny Avenue

Yeah, life throws you curves

But you've learned to swerve

Me, I swung and I missed

And the next thing ya know, I'm reminiscing

Dreaming old dreams, wishing old wishes

Like you would be back again

I wake up and teardrops that fall down like rain

I put on that old song we danced to and then

I head off into my job, guess not much has changed

Punch the clock, head for home

Check the phone, just in case

Go to bed, dream of you

That's what I'm doin' these days

Yeah, that's what I'm doin'

Someone told me, after college, you ran off to Vegas

You married a rodeo cowboy, why?

That ain't the girl I knew

Me, I've been a few places mostly here and there once or twice

Still sortin' out life, but I'm doin' all right

Yeah, it's good to see you, too

Well, hey girl you're late

And those planes they don't wait

But if you ever come back

Around this sleepy old town

Promise me you'll stop in

To see an old friend, and until then

I wake up and teardrops that fall down like rain

I put on that old song we danced to and then

I head off into my job, guess not much has changed

Punch the clock, head for home

Check the phone, just in case

Go to bed, dream of you

That's what I'm doin' these days

I wake up and teardrops that fall down like rain

I put on that old song we danced to and then

I head off into my job, guess not much has changed

Punch the clock, head for home

Check the phone, just in case

Go to bed, dream of you

That's what I'm doin' these

I wake up and teardrops that fall down like rain

I put on that old song we danced to and then

I wake up and teardrops that fall down like rain

I put on that old song we danced to and then

I wake up and teardrops that fall down like rain

I put on that old song we danced to and then

and this song i heard it on bud's shuffle, i just remembered.. no wonder the tune is so familiar. kind of sad song. >.< the mv is even worst!!! sad ttm!

What hurts the most

It's hard to deal with the pain of losin' you everywhere I go

But I'm doin' it

It's hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I'm alone

Still harder gettin' up, gettin' dressed, livin' with this regret

But I know if I could do it over

I would trade, give away all the words that I saved in my heart

That I left unspoken

What hurts the most

Is being so close

And havin' so much to say

(Much to say)

And watchin' you walk away

And never knowin'

What could've been

And not seein' that lovin' you

Is what I was tryin' to do, oh

Oh yeah

What hurts the most

Was being so close

And havin' so much to say

(To say)

And watchin' you walk away

And never knowin'

What could've been

And not seein' that lovin' you

Is what I was tryin' to do

Not seein' that lovin' you

That's what I was trying to do, ooo

actually.. didn't really notice rascal flatts.. its just that bieber's new song that should be me was featuring him, so went to google. haha then found out accidentally. anyways, his songs are really good.. and his voice is fantastic, though the mv could have been better? haha :) this is really quite a long post. but its only at point 8. hmm something random on point 9 then :)

hope.

this picture reminds me of hope. :)

10) oki.. i think maube i'll blog tmr. haha :P if i got time.. i should.. i really should :) but i saw some fantastic quotes:

'i once read somewhere that when you can't make a decision, you should flip a coin.

because the minute it is in the air,you know exactly what you want the answer to be'

(side track: my colleagues are urging to me to keep long hair!! whyy?? )

(side track: do the pretty girl rock.. my name is keri, i'm so pretty, don't hate me cause i'm beautiful xD)

this is so true!!! you can actually tell if the person is happy/sad/frustrated/elated/or anything just by hearing them on an instrument.. well at least that's for me ?? i think haha :)

:) awesome much!!!!!!!!!!!

(side track: you said that you need a little time, my mistake. its funny how you use that time to have me replaced......... this is so wrong, i can't go wrong till you believe, that should be me)

11) suddenly have the urget to get a polariod!!!! oh man!! how???? haha. i got the money but should i or should i not??? am i going to waste it?? am i?? its like $300 plus plus!! ah.. how!! think think girl.

12) weird urges and craving suddenly... am i pregnant? LIKE REAL! haha i'm not.. just that i'm falling in love with yoghurt and maybe polaroids!!

somehow drawn to this picture, no idea why:

woah.. this is a uber long post.. hmm.. can make up for my lost time i supposed. oki, i need to get on with my other stuff already. hopefully tmr i'll have time to log on and post. if not i'll change the title :)

=do something right= (>.<)when i wake up and want to do those stuff all over again! :(

head throbbing

2011-04-03T21:06:00.000+08:00

been really busy lately. which is good too haha.
but today, after coming back from jp.. been a little tired. tried to make myself do stuff.
played whataya want from me.. kind of addicted to the song. it gets stronger each and every time i get to the chorus. but i know i need to concentrate on my exam pieces too.
on thursday, was disappointed.. the part-timer didn't come. i guess she wasn't interested or she found a better job. i found out that during this entire 2 weeks, i really love my job. really really do. i don't mind the long hours, i'm lucky to get this job. went to pm to relief for like half an hour or so.. it was really stressful. the stock was just so many, my head was whirling around.plus the customers kind of expect a certain standard. haha luckily many of them that i served only asked about sunglasses. haha i still remember one guy taking two pair of sunglasses and asking me 'can you spot the difference' lol!!! haha. but i still prefer my store.
sautrday which was yesterday: HIT 2K!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AWESOME MUCH!!!
2k!!!! it was 2K++ before i left!!! yes. haha i contributed!!! :) :) so cool. really.
i found out today that once you enter the service industry, you really learn to appreciate everyone that come and serve you. i'm serious!!! i said thank you and sorry to every service staff today. lol. though sometimes the way they present themselves is cmi. haha >.<
no idea why.. suddenly i don't feel very well.. hopefully no fever.. not at a time like now.. please don't. i need to be in tip-top condition. still got work tmr. though took off today but seriously exhausted. didn't sleep well last night.. or maybe for many nights.. =X don't know.. just tired. but should be fine.
catching up on the programme is missed..
though i still got stuff to do.. but i think ... ah.. don't feel well. eyes pain!
had a convo with gor yesterday. he treat me to jap curry rice!! don't tell me its radioactive? =X
oki. maybe not.. but having that convo.. hmm.. i suddenly got a lot of ques. but i think.. i'l know the answer when the time comes.right now. i just need to focus on myself.. on pushing myself further. i know i can take it.

what song should i put today? haha hmm..
bieber's that should be me is nice.. but not really appropriate for now.. eh..

taylor swift's speck now? haha.. eh its a cute song :) but.. maybe not.

i think forget it.. my head's throbbing. i really don't feel well. still need to work tmr. oki going to brush teeth and sleep. hopefully i feel better tmr. i better be!

=do something right=
don't want to think anymore.. just don't

i could watch the world pass by, as long as its you and i :)

2011-03-28T23:20:00.000+08:00

i'm currently freaking out..
no idea why. oki actually i do.. shoot man. oki. breathe in, breathe out.
i don't know anything. i'm blind.
i just knock my head just now. i forgot everything :)

haha oki.. song for today: you and i :)

I'm feeling distracted
And likewise attracted
To all the things that you let me know
To all the things that you can't let go

You're waiting for friction
The empty addiction
Is forcing me to intervene
Let's break out of this scene
[Chorus]
I know I'm not alone
I'm not the only one who is broken
And I know I'll never let you go
I could watch the world pass by
Just as long as it's you and I

You and I
I watch you take over
I'll give you this offer
Take my hand and we will run away
Leave behind our past to stay
Decaying till its rotten
We'll have long forgotten
The memories that will haunt your heart

Let's tear this town apart
I know I'm not alone
I'm not the only one who is broken
And I know I'll never let you go
I could watch the world pass by
Just as long as it's you and I
You and I

We watched the world go by
(But if it's you and I)
Then we will never die
(No we can never die)
We watch the world go by
But if it's you and I
Then we will never die

I know I'm not alone
I'm not the only one who is broken
And I know I'll never let you go
I could watch the world pass by
Just as long as it's you and I
You and I
I know I'm not alone
I'm not the only one who is broken
And I know I'll never let you go
I could watch the world pass by
Just as long as it's you and I
You and I...

haha. oki.. i really hope its a mistake. anyways, i haven't receive the letter yet.. pretty worried.. i'm going away soon.. sigh.. hopefully it'll be soon. if need to interview then interview. haha yeah :)
knocking my head kinda help a little. though i did scratch my finger against the glass panel.... then again.. haha. serves me right for being too seh and playing chop chop ninja during break >.< clare ah clare haha.

=do something right=

so beautiful under these neon lights!

2011-03-27T23:01:00.000+08:00

my mornings have been filled last week. haha eventful, fun and uber cool!!!
downloaded some cool songs. haha. been smiling almost everyday for now which is good!!
shift work starts tmr, plus they're hiring a new part-timer. but she'll only come on thursday.
i can hardly wait!!! hope its a pretty girl lol. my bad habit is starting up again xD haha
hmm.. monday was breakfast with lin, tues piano, wed exercise then movie marathon!!! buddy lent me national treasure 2 it rocked!! awesomeness ttm!! haha cannot believe america would have stuff like that so cool!! haha yet to watch the others.maybe at a later period of time :) then i watched camp rock 2 and cats and dogs: the revenge of kitty galore. haha her dad cooked!!! using d.o.m!! so cool!! haha it was nice. but a little guilty cause i keep imposing on her =X oh well :P haha so cool!!!! love movie days :) thursday was breakfast with weijin!!!! ah!!!!! very lonog never see him. haha will miss him and his hair xD. friday was piano. yup. then saturday work and bbq. haha more pictures.. should be uploaded soon by zwan. haha :P but really, everything is moving so quickly.. wonder what this week would be like. hopefully it'll be pack. BETTER BE PACKED!! xD but i know i'm going to be uber happy this coming sat!! woo!!! i get to see gor!! miss him lots!! haha so nice of him to come and find me. haha actually everyone is uber nice towards me!!

i'm uber blessed!!!! :) :)

hmm.. what song should i share, here's the list:
summer rain
you and i
never gonna leave this bed
marry you
don't hold your breath
that should be me
whataya want from me
heart and soul

haha. i really like summer rain. oki maybe i'll post it up!

On the rooftop thinkin’ it’s about to pour
People run for shelter, tryin’ to get out that storm
But I got you with me, the sun behind me
So what are we leavin’ for? Let’s stay. Let’s get carried away
Your eyes are beggin’ me to touch you there
Could be a thousand people watchin’ but we don’t care

[Chorus]

But look at you tonight,
so beautiful under these neon lights, yeah
Who needs lovers’ lane?
Right up on this rooftop,
let’s make love in the summer rain

[Verse 2]

Nothin’ better than givin’ this all to you
And the weather’s only adding to the mood
See the wind’s blowin’, fire’s growin’, both of us soakin’ wet
But let’s stay, yeah. Let’s get carried away
Your eyes are beggin’ me to touch you there
Could be a thousand people watchin’ but we don’t care

[Chorus]

But look at you tonight,
so beautiful under these neon lights, yeah
Who needs lovers’ lane?
Right up on this rooftop,
let’s make love in the summer rain

There’s no place that I’d rather make love to you
Right here on this roof, yeah
Look at you tonight,
so beautiful under these neon lights, yeah
Who needs lovers’ lane?
Right up on this rooftop,
let’s make love in the summer rain
Look at you tonight,
so beautiful under these neon lights, yeah
Who needs lovers’ lane?
Right up on this rooftop,
let’s make love in the summer rain

oki i admit, the lyrics are a little cheesy, but its a happy song. and the part on. 'under these neon lights' the up and down wave of the melody adds to the addiction cause its really comfortable to the ears :D so nice. haha
oki, i think there's top chef final episode tonight.. hmm should i watch it? i got full shift tmr.. hm. haha i think i would :D yeah. oki.

saw him yesterday.. still a bit awkard..but its fine haha :) still can joke a bit lol.
it'll be all smiles :) all smiles :)

=do something right=

Epilogue

2011-03-22T22:42:00.001+08:00

'i want you to know, it doesn't matter, where we take this road.
someone's got to go and i want you to know,
you couldn't have loved me better.'
but we're both moving on. we're both already gone.

i'll keep the memories and move on.
thanks* for all of them.

alot has happened in a short span of 5 days. haha i must say, its been hectic, weird.
but, i'm kind of glad it did. at least it put an end, a fulstop to this whole chapter.
now i'm waiting to write a new one.
even though this book, i'll still flip the pages to look at it.. sometimes
but i'm ready to put it down. to take up a new empty one and write my next story.

i'm going to promise myself. NO ONE EMO POSTINGS!!!!
from now on. it'll be about happy stuff, though there might be some remembrance.. but i'll move on :)
cause my job has been done.

i'll remember the stuff i learnt, the experience i gained throughout this entire jouurney. haha really reflecting now. it's been wild haha yup, wild :) though mornings sometimes a bit dizzy, but some stuff really asked me to wake myself up, to move on and get on with life. no point in circling round on the ground at the same stop.

like what wendy said: instead of just taking the axe and keep chopping, why not move ahead and the entrance might be in front already. haha.

so i'm going to walk. going to change all my bad habits. i myself know them. haha i need to fight temptation cause it'll only hurt me further. so yeah!!!! go clare!!

haha yes buddy, same but different, different but same.
till we meet again.

for now, its the start of something new. i'm psyched! the ever-smiling, ever positive girl is back!

=do something right=

Be Sincere :)

2011-03-16T10:04:00.002+08:00

NIGHT POST
These quotes are from weijin. i find them really true.
'when you feel like you've got nothing, think of how happy you would be if you lost everything you have right now and then got it back again.'
'some things in life aren't meant to be. be like a soldier who knows when to fight and when to surrender'
laugh often, long and loud. laugh until you gasp for breath. If you have a friend who makes you laugh, spend lots of time with them.'

i agree with them...but now i'm not feeling very good. its just weird. i....
i guess. i need to jia you and keep my spirits up!.wendy is in the same situation as me.. i'm more lucky i guess. luckier than a lot of people. so i have to make it known. appreciation. really. thanks*.
if its meant to be then, it'll be.
though i'm afriad that its you.. it's always been you.. it'll always be you.
'sometimes i look back and see all the mistakes that i've made, remember the promises broken, the lines that were redrawn, the tears that were shed,and everything i could have done differently, but i guess i don't really want to change a thing because it brought me to where i am now, to you, and that makes it all worth it.'
i got to do.. what i got to do i suppose..

miss you like mad.miss everything about you.
=do something right=
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

MORNING POST
i will take it as a dream.. as they never come true, in reality.
if i take it as reality, it would be too painful for me.
i'll fall flat into the abyss of darkness, never to be seen again.
never to be seen again.

but there's one thing that one no would be able to steal it away from me.
and i have utmost faith in that
please don't ruin it for me, cause its all i have.
please?

the truth is i create scenarios in my head that will never happen in real life. haha :P
i just realise that i miss how happy i was when i'm with you. if given a chance, i want to relive it. that simple time, though hectic with lots of concerns but at the end of the day, i had fun, i was happy. i will reach the highest level of contentment! i will!! :) watch me! you'll always have a special place in my heart.

weijin sent me this quote yesterday:
'be nice to everyone but be true to only few, beacause you never know who will betray you at the end.'
=X why??? why can't everyone in the world be sincere? why must there be schemes and stuff. i don't want!!! i choose to be true to everyone. even if i get hurt in the end, as long as everyone is happy, it'll be oki :) its not nobility or anything.. its just my thinking. sincerity. that's the most important hope that'll keep mankind alive.

so let's jia you everyone oki!!! :) haha BE SINCERE!! :P

'i ask not for a lighter burden, but for broader shoulders'-jewish proverb, courtesy of weijin

=do something right=

concerns about the future

2011-03-14T09:52:00.000+08:00

i woke up this morning with the same concerns... uni.
i realise.. i have some personal issues.. actually, i'm just afraid of the future.
i'm really falling in love with linguistics and lultilinguistics. seriously. english, sentence structure and everything..
its just that my future would be blurred. what happens if i suddenly feel like doing science? i won't be able to do that would i if i major in language. =X
but.. would i be able to excel in science? with my grades? i don't know if i can even enter uni.. really.
i've been just neglecting my grades and thinking that i can apply.. i don't know. my parents think i can make it.
science course.. what if i cannot cope?
what will happen to my minors? i really want that linguistics course..
i don't know.
do what you love. all my friends say that. why are they able to chart their paths that easily?
why are they able to say 'i'm an arts person' or 'material enginnering' or 'computing i like it' or 'business is what i want' why can't i do that?
do what i like. i don't know.. then there's the career prospect to think about. i don't know. i didn't sit down and discuss it with anyone yet. it's just scattered thoughts here and there.
all my friends say. i have to decide for myself. i know. i have to. but till i figure out if i'm willing to take the risk... i would still be plummented into disrray for this few days.
i have it thought out.. but i just need to talk it over again with someone.. i guess.
:) please.. can you spare at least 3 hours of your time??

=do something right=

'jurong town' open house

2011-03-13T23:15:00.001+08:00

choices. choices. choices.
we make them every single day in our lives.
but now.. the most pressing choice i have to make is uni course choice..
i'm sort of neglecting my average grades and just apply.
i'm really torn between science and langauge.. i talked to many people about it.. they all say the choice is really up to me.. i just hope that i'll make the right decision. i don't want to do a course for 1 year and then find out that.. it actually isn't what i want. i would have wasted that year. miss lee told me that. so i really really hope that i would get into something that i'm both interested in and can excel in.. so may the LORD lead and guide me. :)
more or less i have figured out what are the courses i'm going to apply for. not to mention, the minors already. its just the ranking that's all. what should i put as first choice and all that. yup. jia you!

anyways, i'm here to blog about my epic journey to nus open house. lol
went there with rahmah, lin and derong. haha it was filled with fun, joy, a healthy dose of laughter and tiredness. full of sehing and crap :P as usual, i was one of the top.. oki maybe the biggest contributor to this crap.. well cannot help myself for being expressive can i? haha

anyways, met at clementi mrt (we had no idea that the shuttle service is at dover!) oki nevermind took 96.. dropped at the first busstop we saw.. then we were thinking.. did we drop at the wrong stop? haha derong said don't look so we just ventured up the first steps to this long overhead bridge that.. we soon learnt, belonged to the faculty of engineering. haha oki. we were kind of lost, just walking with no direction.. but. we're hungry and tired (not cold.. we were sweating--so we kind of don't met the prerequisites for being a beggar :P) haha. oki.. so finally we stumbled upon civilisation. not to mention having trying to walk in the right direction haha. ate at food junction.. which is uber ex... cause they divided the price into both student price and public. in addition.. everything boils down to integrity. you know why? for the simple reason, they only ask if you're an nus student. they don't even check for identification! like witw! i could have just said i was from nus.. then i didn't have to pay $5 for a bowl of rice.well. nvm. as what lin says.. its your integrity.haha oki. after lunch, tropped down to hall 1... we had to navigate our way there again. lol. its practically a maze. took photo of the map. good thing we were walking in the right direction :P so managed to sit in for the FASS talk.. hmm.. was quite.. boring? plus the DEAN's voice wasn't exactly music to our ears.. she had a sore throat. but oki.. more or less really general.

next we went to level 2 to the booths. oki this is one of the most ineteresting part of the entire open house--finaly get to talk to the students who are taking the modules themselves. haha. oki.. we went in a clockwise direction starting from... school of engineering. frankly speaking, i like the way they pass me the brochure on engineering. the fromt page: 'frequently asked questions on engineering' other faculties should really REALLY learn from them. oki.. nothing much from engineering.. can reead the book later. maybe considering bioenginnering as one of the choices. oki.

next, rahmah and derong wanted to check out school of design and environment. oki.. not interested so i moved on to computing.
computing--computational biology: there are 3 tracks..1) be a computing student.. then attend that as a module, 2) enter faculty of science and then take up that course, 3) do a university research programme on that i think.. if i didn't remember wrongly. lol. hmm oki. seemed quite interesting.. but very IT based though.so maybe another one of mine.. ranked 7th choices?
moving on to science... woah. oki.. pretty much the same as last year's but the lady was not very helpful.. though she did mention like the 2 diff type of researches. one researcher is the kind.. where you're the leader of a research team. woah. you require a PhD for that. the second one is.. lab tech. but it doesn't sound THAT bad.. does it? then FORENSIC SCIENCE!! woah!! i tell you if.. i mean IF i fet into NUS science, i'll take up THAT minor. uber cool!! haha.

FASS was the most interesting. the eng lit student.. suzzane i think was a little nervous though. but i love tess!! the way she shared about english language made me want to join it!! woots~ hmm.. options.. options.. options..

the talks on faculty of science was... oki.. upselling NUS again. -.-
then i had an animated talk with rahmah, weijin, wei cheng. haha so funny. i think i was talking quite loudly.=X haha nvm. oki.. then we went wandering around, looking at the ccas. haha actually only rahmah was interested.the NUS volunteer's association.. since rahmah was in CSL lol the guy asked derong too, and he replied ' i still got two more years!! ROFL haha :D then i was cracking jokes about the NUS political association.. but oki. not that bad.. haha :) the hall fees are kind of ex too =X then went out tot he entrance to the bag!! yes!! finally had the bag. lol then got the lion soft toy. took some picutures (courtesy of derong :) ) pic on fb.

we had to walk out of NUS to get to the only bus stop, OUTSIDE of NUS which has bus 198 lol. thoughout the journey, we were crapping as usual.. till the point where i was tired and found it really noisy haha so i asked to have 1 min of silence. lol couldn't be done. only 15 secs passed then lin HAD to say something. lol. haha oki.. we continued our journey.. finally to the bus stop. wher we missed 198 haha had to wait for like 15-20 mins before another bus fianlly arrived. then talked all the way home!
oki had this freaky idea.. its called jurong town. imagine you're from jurong primary,secondary and junior college. then JURONG UNIVERSITY!! lol so our kids will be born in JURONG HOSPITAL. we'll go to JURONG LAKE and drink from JURONG SPRING. serious laughing all the way. haha.. but the thought scares me.. a little island on our own.. jurong town..
then went to hunt for food to re-charge with lin, before heading home. haha :) nice nice.!! been a while since i had this outing. walked till my legs ache. but still. nice :)

oki.. still need to decide. was talking to veron dear just now.RESEARCH IN LANGAUGE?
i'm really falling in love with ntu's lingustics and multilinguistics!!! :) <3 <3 oh man.. have to think.. think. think
but it WOULD DEFINITELY be one of my top 3 options of ntu! :) glee! jia you!!.

weijin shared with me some twitter quotes. lol 'passion quotes' he calls them:

sometimes you have to let things go so there's room for better things to come into your lifeDon't wait for tomorrow, because you'll never get today back. Live for today and love every second of it.

Each tear is one tear closer to a smile. So cry until you smile, that 's how you get through hard times.

Love what you do, do what you love. formal or latter?---that's from him lol.
hmm... i think both. i have to love what i'm doing in order to do so, must do what you love haha :)
i think i saw you.. just now.. your face..that familiar face.
didn't expect. to see you there.. almost close proximity.
luckily you didn't see me. i wouldn't know what to do. break down?
twice.. i saw you twice..

=do something right=

you better COME CLEAN cause WHEN YOU'RE GONE i'll throw a GRENADE at you..WHAT ARE WORDS? haha just PERFECT

2011-03-11T10:27:00.000+08:00

this is going to be another one of my random themed post...
was in the store yesterday with alvin, when he asked me to intro him some new songs so that he can set is ringtone to.. he has like 3 ringtones... which we've all heard till we're bored to death.. esp when it rings 'romeo tkae me somewhere we can be alone' for his gf. ' her eyes.. her eyes.. make the stars look like they're not shiny' for everyone.. and 'just gonna stand there and watch me burn' rihanna shrieks out that version as it is of low quality. oki.. so i threw up some songs... he wants poppy.. new...hip.. i realise that i'm unable to do so.. i've been listening to old songs more frequently than the new ones... oki the new ones are not that bad.. like pink's perfect or britney's hold it against me.. but pretty much.. so~so.. it set me thinking.
guessed the theme yet?
haha today's theme is music and lyrics! :)
what you first hear a song.. does the lyrics attract you or the music or no comments?
hmm.. i guess for me it depends.. it'll start off with the intro.. something like the prologue of a book. or the synopsis at the back.
for songs like...just a dream (cover) or no cover, what are words, pretty boy, i hate this part, i'll back of so you can live better, when you're gone...etc these are the songs that attract me through the starting.. cause they're either impactful.. like i'll back off so you can live better. or PIANO MELODIES :D like what are words, when you're gone, just a dream (cover) it all depends.
when they are able to attract you... with the right frequency. cause every melody has this special frequency/sound wave that makes it pleasant to your ear.. you'll focus more on the lyrics. and when you like them. woah! the song becomes the most played one on your mp3/4 itouch/phone/pod or handphone. yupyup.
let's take a look at lyrics now.. cause i'm unable to type out the melody here haha :)
oki pink's perfect (there's a vulgar version but -.- you know me)
'pretty pretty please.. don't you
ever ever feel.. like you're less than, less than perfect
pretty pretty please.. if you
ever ever feel.. lilke you're nothing.. you are perfect.. to me'
or chris medina's what are words
'what are words if you really don't mean them when you say them
what are words if they'r eonly for good times then they don't
when its love yea you say them out loud. those words
they never go away. they live on even when we're gone.'
or britney's hold it against me
'if i say my heart was beating loud,
if we could escape the crowd somehow
if i say i want your body now,
would you hold it against me?'
they are all very repetitive. but it get one hook on it.
some songs describe emotions.. that's why people are able to relate to them and like them.
avril's when you're gone
'when you're gone the pieces of my heart are missing you
when you're gone the face i came to know is missing to
when you're gone the words i need to hear.. to always get me through the day.. and make it oki,
i miss you'
or lady antebellum's need you now
'its a quarter after one, i'm a little drunk and i need you now
said i wouldn't call, but i'm a little drunk and i need you now.
and i don't know how i can do without, but i just need you now.'
or hilary's come clean
'let the rain fall down and wake my dreams
let it wash away my insanity
cause i want to hear the thunder i want to scream.
let the rain fall down'
or just simple tuned songs like disney's a dream is a wish your heart makes
'a dream is a wish your heart makes, when you're feeling small
alone in the night you whisper, thinking no one can hear you at all.'
haha.. chinese songs are special too :) cause evety single word they use.. are able to evoke the emotions they want listeners to feel. the words used to depict a situation is like no other as well.
happy song gives you strength. like guo jing' xin qiang lol. used to be my fav song in jc.. sang it like everyday :P or... one song that is very direct and harsh is hebe's wo ji mo ji mo jiu hao. the lyrics are very down to earth and she sings it like she's really going through the pain. lin you jia's shuo huang is good as well. very convincing :) there's also ding dang's leng xue dong wu. yup. her personification of love is good:
我翻了又翻你给的地图
却一直找不到我的归宿
也许开始太仓促才迷了路
我没有结果的结果盲目
我等了又等不见的幸福
却永远只是你一根肋骨
我终于恍然大悟不再相诉
只怪自己爱上的是一个冷血动物
haha. love as a map.. a direction yet when you lose it.. you lose everything. :) nice way of seeing things :)
oh oh!!! grenade is another song that amuses me because of the lyrics.. at first i didn't find the song nice.. but when i listened and found out about the lyrics haha.. i got hooked :)
'Black, black, black and blue
Beat me till I'm am numb tell the devil I said hey when you get back to where you're from.
Bad women bad women
That's just what you are yeah
You smile in my face than rip the breaks out my car.
Gave you all I had and you tossed it in the trash,
You tossed it in the trash yes you did.
To give me all your love is all I ever asked but
What you don't understand is

I'd catch a grenade for ya.
Throw my hand on the blade for ya,
Id jump in front of a train for ya.
You know I'd do anything for ya.
Ohhh I would go through all this pain
Take a bullet straight through my brain.
Yes I would die for ya baby.
But you won't do the same.

If my body was on fire
Ooh you would watch me burn down in flames.
You said you loved me you're a liar cause you never ever ever did baby...'
the second verse is really nice and perverse haha :) but its nice.. hmm..
lyrics and music really do have to go together.. complement each other. there's so many nice songs that even one blog post won't be able to hold.or list. but anyways.. i guess.. i still cannot decide if i'm a lyrics or music person :P but.. think both i guess :) you need the music to catch mine attention before the lyrics can come in. yeah. :) haha xD

have to remember to remind alvin to punch in his card -.-
had a looooong talk with wendy yesterday!! uber cool haha i kept high fiving with him. lol :)
hmm.. oki.. better get ready for work.. i guess...
my mood.. is just -.- today. haha

=do something right=
i don't know what to do now..

let the tears fall

2011-03-09T10:19:00.004+08:00

EVENING POST
back. oki, today was kind of fun, at least i laughed till i had tears in my eyes during lunch today. haha. went to aston's at suntec... haha i know :P then jia hui ordered hot chocolate but on the receipt it came out as plain water. $0.30!! so ex man. haha then we ask the girl to change our order lol. but she was still served plain water. haha then adeline was very fierce. i couldn't do anything.. cause i was laughing all the way.. fyi i was the one who found out the mistake oki!! haha so funny.. then laugh and laugh then told the manager. adeline was seriously very fierce!!! haha. then change and everything. so it was oki. btw, jia hui seriously has no sense of direction!! i had to teach her how to get to bras basah. lol. go bras basah to buy bra -.- how lame haha.then went to bugis.. >< work place again. haha had to get key anyways since alvin would be late tmr >< will be in the shop.. alone. haha oki.. then went bugis street to walk around..

the song 'hey, soul sister' was playing.. weird....

oki. then. shared wo ai taimei's yan su ji or popcorn chicken or xiao s haha oki a little spicy.. hopefully my throat can take it :P haha oki.. hmm then ADELINE BOUGHT A BEANIE!!!!i tell she. she looks FANTASTIC in it!! i found out that as long as you know what's your style, stick to it and buy clothes according to it, you'll look fabulous in it no matter what!! cool!!!! so looks awesome.. oki i'll pester jia hui to lad the photos on fb later.. i'll load mine later too xD haha awesome much!! haha. hmm.. then trained home and stuff. it was oki. rained.. puddles on the road had to jump over them.. :X yupyup. end of off day i guess. work tmr!

hey soul sister, ain't that mister mister on the radio.. stereo the way you move ain't fair you know
hey soul sister, i don't wanna miss a single thing you do.. tonight.

=do something right=
its the 9th today...happy 14 months.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
MORNING POST
phew.. feels good to vent.
i cried last night... i remember vaguely what the dream was about.. i think i had to give away this paddington bear that a very close friend gave me.. but in the end don't need to give away already then i was touched cause i miss the friend who gave the bear to me.. lol no idea who's the friend..though then i started crying.. woke up in tears.. ><
aiyo.. >< sadded.. lol. anyways, i think i've gotten used to the coughing and everything.. 12.30am would be the time where i can finally sleep after the fits of cough.. cough till i want to cry.. sadded.. aiyo ><
now i'm like watching digimon? haha to make myself happy... then must go company to take pay and stuff then maybe can drop by to find gaybe before finding jia hui and gang yupyup.
not a very good day today.. for the record.. :_( really..

hopefully it'll be better later...

=do something right=
missing you like mad..

coughing in progress...(cough cough)

2011-03-08T10:21:00.003+08:00

NIGHT POST
TRACY WITHNEY is one of the smartest and best female character that i've ever read about. she's igenious!!! i want half of her wits, half of her ability to imitate accents, half of her taichi moves, half of her guts!! oh man.. she's wayyyyy cool!!! haha.

she's a character from sidney sheldon's (its a HE btw) if tomorrow comes!! the current book that i just finished TODAY. took me 3 days.. actually its 2 mrt rides plus half of today to complete the book xD total glee!!! :D. time passed fast because i was lost in the land of con artists, greed and marvel at how gulible the police are.. hmm.. manipulative... >< but it was AWESOME. manage to distract me.. especially when time was passing so slow... especially when i missed him.. very badly.

i let the last book that alvin lent me.. hmm. but contemplating whether to read it or not cause the cover is quite.. controversial haha =X... see how :) anyways.. its still AWESOME!!but i discovered some loopholes in the book, some stuff were still not explained.. maybe its left to the reader's imagination.. haha :)
this template doesn't allow me to post multiple in 1 day.. so i had to resort to this fashion. anyways, i realise that customer service is very important. haha met nice customers today.. including bunny's cousin lvy! cheers girl :) haha its nice to feel APPRECIATED!! really man when they say thanks* and smile and stuff. haha..

alvin's gf bought egg tarts from malaysia to for us today.. uber cool right!! the crust has a peanut taste to ir :) i know i shouldn't be eating.... these kind of stuff. mum nagging cause i had eggs for lunch too =X sigh... i know i'm sick but.. can i don't behave like a sick person... just because i cough till i LOOK like i'm going to die doesn't mean i will.. >< i'll be fine like i said. haha :) then small daniel was like.. so good got egg tarts!! i also want to get a gf from malaysia. lol!!!. so funny. then during closing, alvin realise that he forgot to punch in when he enter the shop today!!! lol so he started work at 3pm(the time he went for break) lol ttm!!! i think i should remind him again tmr in case he forgot.. he say i'm his PA. dotz.. haha but oki.. just help and stuff no harm :)

from i am number 4: a place is only as good as the people you know in it
love is..when all you want if for that other person to be happy.. even if you're not part of that happiness
..
想念是会呼吸的痛
想见不能见最痛
=do something right=

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
MORNING POST
uni decisions.. are hard to make...especially when its bewteen where you should be and where you want to be.
for now, i'll wait for open house.. but a few feedback from friends.. hmm.. my decisions have somehow swayed.. i'll see how it goes yeah :)

trying to wake up early to have a balance diet of 3 meals a day.. and yes, i've been skipping lunch.. not for the sake of being thin.. that's kind of dumb. i really like to eat :D its just that work doesn't permit.. so maybe can go out early and grab lunch before going to work. but i need ample rest.. >.< see how it goes too :)

found out i've been saying 'see how' for almost this entire post.. well.. cause eveything is not definite haha :) so yeah. jia you!

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
tried to turn in last night.. i really did. but something just kept me awake.

i saw this post: what on earth did i think about all before you?
and i went.. yeah.. what's the stuff that has been occupying my mind before this entire episode. haha its so funny.. ttytt, i cannot really remember. :X but last night was one of the worst!!! seriously.. i'm not sure if my cough is linked to this.. but one thing's for sure.. its a combine effort of both my cough andd that that kept me awake like crazy!!!! i had to wake up at 1 hr intervals to visit the bathroom or jolt up from spluttering and fits of cough. seriously hate it. wanted to cry out cause its so annoying and hard to control. urgh.. but i think i'll get well soon..:X hopefully haha.

but last night the feeling was seriously very strong.. i had to insert twice the dosage of negative stuff to overcome the other stuff.. not very good for the brain i know, but well.. i had to sleep?? haha. off day tmr anyways... hopefully i have my schedule planned and everything. yupyup. come on, hang in there all right? cough. please get better.

was thinking to myself yesterday... do i want to you come back quick or stay there longer? (><) but this one-sided affair is driving me nuts.. i'm like some extra... a fool that got myself involved.. ah whatever.haha. em:)

=do something right=
想念是会呼吸的痛
它活在我身上所有角落
哼你爱的歌会痛
看你的信会痛连沉默也痛

遗憾是会呼吸的痛
它流在血液中来回滚动
后悔不贴心会痛
恨不懂你会痛
想见不能见最痛

:p

2011-03-07T09:40:00.003+08:00

if i had never met you...
i wouldn't like you.
if i didn't like you...
i wouldn't love you.
if i didn't love you...
i wouldn't miss you.
but i did. i do. i will.

:) stay true to youself girl.

don't know what will happen. but :D em!!yeah!

=do something right=